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In-law issues

(15 Posts)
sulee Sun 30-Oct-16 18:44:01

So.... just returned from "family" meal with DH's family. Having finished the meal, it became apparent they were all going back to MIL's, which was fine, except we weren't invited to this bit. Everyone but me, DH and kids. This has happened before and I thought it was a one off. However, this time it has really pissed me off. I have told DH he can count me out of any further get-togethers. He is laid-back to the point of being comatose and can't see my problem. So, am IBU?

Gizlotsmum Sun 30-Oct-16 18:46:59

Does anyone else have kids? Do they live near/ same direction?

BigPointyStick Sun 30-Oct-16 18:47:36

Did you want to go...

Dontpanicpyke Sun 30-Oct-16 18:48:40

It's odd, were there other kids going? Did mil ask your laid back dh and he wasn't really bothered?

NavyandWhite Sun 30-Oct-16 18:49:19

What's the back story?

Pallisers Sun 30-Oct-16 18:49:25

Was it all his siblings except him going back? I can't imagine that. If I were your dh I'd have just said "oh is everyone going back, we'll see you there then". If my sibs were invited back to my parents after a meal out I'd just presume I was invited too. Unless parents said to me something like "we invited x and y back because we want to have a chat with them about something".

sulee Sun 30-Oct-16 19:13:25

Hi Gizlots, some have kids, they are mostly older- no littlies, some not, some near, some not. If I'm honest BPS, no, didn't even want to go to the sodding meal! DH wasn't asked Don't Panic. Pallisers, me too, but my DH seemed oblivious, my son and I picked up on the after party. N&W, that's the worry- feel like there's something I don't know!!

NavyandWhite Sun 30-Oct-16 19:21:54

Did the other invite themselves maybe? Or were you not invited because the inlaws thought you had to get back to get your DC in bed as it's Sunday night ( ready for school ) ?

What's your relationship like otherwise?

sulee Sun 30-Oct-16 19:44:55

Maybe the others invited themselves, but it just felt weird to me, surely they would ask us as a matter of course if everyone else was going? No, in fact our DC are older than some of the others.

NavyandWhite Sun 30-Oct-16 19:46:26

Yes I get you. Sometimes people are strange and you can tie yourself in knots trying to work them out.

hummingbird100 Sun 30-Oct-16 20:59:26

My MIL invites DH to various meet-ups, and leaves me and baby DS out completely. Our baby is her only grandchild. My two BILs and DH would regularly get asked to lunch but the invitation was never extended to me and DS. She never sees us at all - I wouldn't have minded if she'd made the effort to see us at other times but she'd text DH and BILs, get on the bus and they'd all meet for lunch. I would often suggest we meet up or we all come to hers/she come to us but she always changed the subject. It wasn't til I pointed out how isolating and strange this behaviour was, and DH challenged her on it and she said she didn't want to put me out by asking me to come and bring DS into town...we're in a large city with good transport plus I drive, so that wasn't a problem. She apologised (to DH), DS and I got asked to one lunch then she slipped back into just asking DH. I really feel like she just can't be arsed with us.

sulee Sun 30-Oct-16 22:09:46

Hummingbird that's awful! Seems like some of us just don't fit in! Navy &White you're spot on- can tie yourself in knots trying to understand! Just told DH to count me out of future get togethers-thankfully they are few and far between. He and DC can brave it alone in future, they are less sensitive than me!

teatowel Sun 30-Oct-16 22:25:54

I would just presume we were invited. Perhaps they presume you think you are ?

UsernameHistory Mon 31-Oct-16 01:12:00

I would just presume we were invited. Perhaps they presume you think you are ?

Me too. In my family there would be no need for invitations.

AmeliaJack Mon 31-Oct-16 05:09:50

Why did you or DH not ask if you were invited too?

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