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Photo collage and SIL

(16 Posts)
MarcelineTheVampire Sun 30-Oct-16 09:56:40

I think I've lost all sense of perspective so I need your help...

SIL made a present for a relative of a photo collage entitled 'all the family- lovely.

It included all the family, pictures of my daughter, my DP and my daughter, SIL and BIL wedding, MIL and FIL, lots of other SIL. There is only one tiny one of me in the background of a picture....even one of BIL wedding with all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen who aren't even family, but one crappy picture of me in the background,

I guess this comes from the fact that since having my DD, I feel kind of superfluous, like I was somehow a walking womb. AIBU to think like this over a picture collage? Other SIL (married into family) makes lots of appearances and there are plenty of pictures of my DP, DD and I available, so it's not that- I just wasn't deemed important enough to appear it seems. I do realise it was her collage and she can include whatever pictures she wants, but it's the excluding me, I can't figure out whether it was deliberate - either way it's pretty thoughtless isn't it?

As a disclaimer, I am pregnant and all over the place with emotions so this may be clouding judgement.

Finola1step Sun 30-Oct-16 10:02:57

It may well not be deliberate but I suspect a more subconscious decision. As in she didn't say to herself "Right, I'm going to make sure that Marceline isn't in my damn collage...I'll put one of her in the background..that'll do". More of a not seeing you as a significant family member per se. Which is crap and thoughtless but tells you all you need to know about her.

MarcelineTheVampire Sun 30-Oct-16 10:09:17

Finola yes, I suspect that is the reason too.

FlyingGaribaldi Sun 30-Oct-16 10:11:17

Oh, OP, you're bringing me back. My MiL made a big, professionally-produced photobook for DH's 40th birthday, which had over 200 photos in it. I was in 4 of them.

You might think that doesn't sound unreasonable, and maybe she was focusing on childhood or family events, but the thing is that we''ve been together since our teens, so I've been at every single family birthday, graduation, wedding etc for over 20 years (and in fact we got our degrees at the same ceremony), and am in all the photos, and she had gone to the trouble of finding ones that didn't have me in them. The ones that did have me in them were group graduation and university ball ones with loads of people, AND to add to the hilarity, I had given birth to our (first and only) DS eight months before DH's birthday, but the photos of DS were only of DH holding him.

DH and I started raising our eyebrows at one another as we were leafing through the album, and then got the giggles and DH said 'So, has Flying turned into the Invisible Woman?' and MiL got into a huge huff.

TaterTots Sun 30-Oct-16 10:11:18

My friend's sister-in-law did a very similar thing and I have no doubt it was deliberate.

MarcelineTheVampire Sun 30-Oct-16 10:20:55

Flying that's awful, bless you.

The thing is I don't think she's a horrid person but she just doesn't see me as an important person in the family, I suspect this stems from my MIL. I think they all would be more than happy if I disappeared leaving my DD behind.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Sun 30-Oct-16 10:29:58

can you cause mischief by swapping in a picture of yourself?

You could say you don't like the pic of you that is there, or supply a much nicer one of you and dh or dd with you in it.

Or just do it on the quiet and never say a word. Or draw sharpie moustaches on everyone, and see how long it takes anyone to comment.

FlyingGaribaldi Sun 30-Oct-16 10:31:08

Oh, ditto, Marceline! grin MiL views me a sort of unfortunate side effect of DH, I believe. She has lots of good points, but she's the least imaginative person I've ever met, with no capacity for recognising that there are other ways to do life, other than those in her close-knit family circle. I think she 'blames' me for any decisions of DH's she doesn't get, like going to university, living abroad, pursuing professional careers, rather than staying local and working for the local city council refuse collection/road menders, as all males in the family traditionally have, and for me having a career and having one child at 39, whereas she had three by 21. Her response when we told her I was pregnant was 'An only is a lonely' - not kidding. (She's one of 13.)

Oh, it's funny, really, but a bit irritating too, I suppose.

justilou Sun 30-Oct-16 10:53:41

If it makes you feel better, my grandmother had a photo collage of all of her 8 children and 25 grand children. Only twenty four of them were in the collage and guess who wasn't there? It doesn't help matters when I realize it was made by my mother - hmm

Boolovessulley Sun 30-Oct-16 11:01:09

No advice really.
It's not very nice .
I've never forgotten or being invited to mil and fils now ex) anniversary.

I had been married to their son for 20 years!
Bil wasn't invited either.
My dh didn't go neither did his sister.

Boolovessulley Sun 30-Oct-16 11:01:58


Witchend Sun 30-Oct-16 11:10:26

Having done photo booklets of family ot is difficult to get everyone on and happy. There's always one person that when you look at the book later you think "agh, they're not in much." And usually someone else that you realise is in disproportionately large number of times.
And she may not have had the photos you're thinking of-or some else may have said "don't use that set please because I look terrible."
Also we have one family member who tends to send 100s of pictures of themselves what we call bearing their teeth. Generally, most of the pictures are not really on keeping with the style of the rest and it can be difficult to choose one that doesn't just look out of place.

MarcelineTheVampire Sun 30-Oct-16 11:24:24

Witchend whilst I fully agree with you, she does have full access to all the photos I've taken, as all of the ones she has used of my DD and DP are ones that I've taken.

Discobabe Sun 30-Oct-16 11:55:01

Yanbu. Sounds like something my sil would do. All very passively aggressively pathetic. Even other family members have noticed now. I just smile and say nothing, family apologise for her behaviour, there's only one person looking like an idiot and it's not me so.....

FrancisCrawford Sun 30-Oct-16 12:08:49

ExMIL never had one photo of me up in the 20+ years I was married to her DS.

She kept the wedding photos of her DS1 and his wife, even though he had an affair and the marriage broke up within a few years. Our wedding photos were never on display!

lionsleepstonight Sun 30-Oct-16 13:29:56

I'm never included in any of my DH's family shots, but to be fair they don't include any of the other 'other halves' so I no longer let it concern me. Before I realised all of them we also excluded I did feel left out, but since I noticed none of us are I find it hilarious. It mainly stems from my youngest SIL. She has real issues with me, arranged her wedding on my due date but still expected my DH to be there etc. I just play it cool with her and don't rise to any of it. She expects us to go to hers every year for Xmas now she has a family, even though I have family on my side. I just do alternate years much to her dislike.

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