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who was being unreasonable? stranger told my son off (shouted in his face)

(156 Posts)
FindingEmo Sat 29-Oct-16 23:45:29

I'm not sure if the woman was unreasonable or if i was.

It is my son's 3rd birthday today and we went to a theme park to celebrate. Ds2 had fallen asleep in his pushchair so dh stayed with him while I queued up for a ride with ds1. Behind us was a couple with a little girl probably about 6 or 7 yo. Early on ds1 said hi to her and she didn't reply so after that he ignored her. It was near the end of the day and he was tired so held him most of the time but towards the end he got excited to get on the ride and got down. The girl was stood by the barrier looking through a gap and Ds went up and stood by her and tried to look too. The girl moved and ds only being 3 followed her and they both tried to look through a gap again. Obviously i was close by as we were queuing. All of a sudden The woman leans down and yells no don't do that just inched from ds face. Ds starts crying and I grabbed hold of him. Straight away I yelled at the woman for doing that to my son and she said well no one else was going to tell him off. I asked why he needed telling off and she said ds had bitten her daughter. I didn't see it and id been watching them also the girl hasn't reacted at all, no crying saying ow or even moving away. I told the woman she should have told me if she saw ds doing something she didn't like and I would have sorted it. We both yelled for a bit (she got right in my face) until i turned my back on her to end it and she didnt try and continue it. I know my son isn't an angel and can be naughty but as far as I'm aware he didn't bite the girl but even if he did was I wrong to yell at the woman for shouting in ds face. He sobbed for the rest of the queue, luckily he cheered up when we got on the ride.

Wolfiefan Sat 29-Oct-16 23:48:28

But you didn't see if he bit or not. I might yell "no don't" if someone bit my child.

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Oct-16 23:48:55

It depends on what you consider a 'shout' or a 'yell'.

But if I saw a child biting mine, I would most definitely raise my voice at them and tell them not to do it.

Can't see why anyone wouldn't really.

Somerville Sat 29-Oct-16 23:50:28

If he didn't bite her daughter then she was unreasonable for shouting at him not to.

If he did bite her then you were unreasonable for shouting at her.

But since you don't know whether he bit her or not, how are we supposed to know?

Wolfiefan Sat 29-Oct-16 23:51:17

Maybe she was cross that your child was behaving badly and you weren't watching so didn't intervene?

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Oct-16 23:51:37

I told the woman she should have told me if she saw ds doing something she didn't like and I would have sorted it.

See that goes against all my parental instincts.

If I saw a child biting mine, I'm not going to ignore it, turn to the parent and ask them to sort it.

I'm responsible for protecting my child and you're responsible for protecting yours.

As for whether he bit her or not, it's a very strange thing to make up randomly, don't you think?

NoMudNoLotus Sat 29-Oct-16 23:51:43

I'm not sure what yelling back achieves though.

5madthings Sat 29-Oct-16 23:52:19

Even if he did bite her you don't yell inches from.a child's face. I would and have intervened and said no biting but I wouldn't shout at a child and definitely wouldn't yell in their face.

FindingEmo Sat 29-Oct-16 23:52:49

It was load and in his face. Enough to make him cry uncontrollably. He wouldn't normally cry if someone just said no don't do that. He would stop and move away but he wouldn't cry and cling to me.
I didn't see if he did or not because he was stood with his back to me.

Wolfiefan Sat 29-Oct-16 23:53:48

Inches from his face. 2 or 12? Makes a massive difference. Maybe she bent down to her child and so was closer to OP's DS's face?

Somerville Sat 29-Oct-16 23:53:50

Does he have form for biting?

ColdTeaAgain Sat 29-Oct-16 23:55:32

If a child bit mine, I wouldn't tell the parent and just stand there waiting for them to intervene, I would tell the child off and stop them myself!

FindingEmo Sat 29-Oct-16 23:55:41

She was gave to face with him.
No he doenst normally bite.

Wolfiefan Sat 29-Oct-16 23:55:47

He was stood with his back to me?
But you're the parent. He shouldn't be standing "close by" in a queue and not watching at all how he behaves.
I agree with worra. Weird thing to make up. If someone's kid bit mine in a queue and they did nothing as they weren't even watching I'd be pissed off.

PberryT Sat 29-Oct-16 23:55:51

Your child bit another, he got told off and you are pissed off?!


Your child shouldn't be biting, discipline can come from anyone. It takes a village to raise a child.

FindingEmo Sat 29-Oct-16 23:55:59

Face to face

bumsexatthebingo Sat 29-Oct-16 23:56:20

Hmm I think if your ds was in the process of biting her dd shouting 'don't do that' may have stopped him so I can see why a raised voice may have been needed since you weren't looking. I wouldn't start trying to have a polite conversation about it while my dd was being bitten tbh. You should have spoken to your son to try and find out what happened and apologised if necessary rather than getting into a row about it. I'm not sure why you would think she was telling him off if nothing happened? Have you spoken to your son abut it since the incident?

Only1scoop Sat 29-Oct-16 23:56:29

If he went to bite then she was fair enough, I wouldn't expect her to turn round and just have a nice chat about it, you couldn't see what he was doing.

FannyFifer Sat 29-Oct-16 23:56:34

If your kid bit mine I would prob say "no don't do that"in a raised voice also.

FindingEmo Sat 29-Oct-16 23:57:28

Pberryt I'm angry because she shouted in his face. If she had told him not to that's fine

Wolfiefan Sun 30-Oct-16 00:00:03

OP you're missing the point. If your child went to bite another child. That's the problem. That you didn't even notice. That's the problem. That she shouted. Well if he didn't bite or you had seen and stepped in then that wouldn't have happened.
Another AIBU. Everyone YES. OP. No I'm not! Face desk.

FindingEmo Sun 30-Oct-16 00:00:28

Wolfie he was stood looking through a gap in a fence with another child he was by me but i could only see his back it wasn't like I was ignoring him injury couldnt see his face

rumpelstiltskin43 Sun 30-Oct-16 00:00:50

Stop being so PFB, I'd yell if my child got bitten. Maybe now he's been yelled at he won't bite again.

FindingEmo Sun 30-Oct-16 00:02:05

Rumple so it's ok to yell in a child's face?

ColdTeaAgain Sun 30-Oct-16 00:02:10

It sounds like maybe she was a bit too fierce if she shouted right in his face but at the same time, why was he far enough away from you at a busy attraction for the situation to arise in the first place?

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