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(21 Posts)
thegoodnameshadgone Sat 29-Oct-16 21:41:05

No topics are suitable.
That I can find.
I'd like to invite an old person who's on their own to xmas dinner? How do I go about it?

harderandharder2breathe Sat 29-Oct-16 22:12:27

Random old person or one that you know?

AmberNectarine Sat 29-Oct-16 22:16:58

Just ask. Don't make reference to the fact you know they'll otherwise be alone - that will make it seem like a pity invite. Just 'it would be lovely if you could join us'.

yesterdaysunshine Sat 29-Oct-16 22:19:44

Is the fact they are elderly relevant? Not intended snarkily but are there mobility issues or similar?

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Oct-16 22:20:14

More info needed obviously.

Who are they and how well do you know them?

ApproachingATunnel Sat 29-Oct-16 22:21:50

Just go ahead and invite them, like Amber suggested. Is it a neighbour?

sirfredfredgeorge Sat 29-Oct-16 22:29:54

Two years in advance, send a hold the date card...
A year in advance, get your parents to invite them...
Ensure they know where your list is for presents, but do it subtlely...
Avoid poems...

Oh no... wrong invite, you go

Fancy coming over for christmas dinner, we have turkey and funny hats.

19lottie82 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:34:46

Try calling Age UK, they run various befriending schemes.

19lottie82 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:35:51

yesterday the elderly are more likely not to have any friends or family.

yesterdaysunshine Sat 29-Oct-16 22:44:06

Oh, is OP just going to invite random elderly people over? hmm

What I was getting at was is there any difference in how you'd invite an elderly person to any other person?

AmberNectarine Sat 29-Oct-16 23:05:01

I think the difference is that lonely elderly people can often feel like a 'burden', whereas younger people flying solo for Xmas tend to be more proactive about setting something up.

The last thing you want to do is wound someone's pride.

However, I do think the right approach is to invite them the way you'd invite anyone else: 'realise you've probably got plans, but we'd love to have you if you're free?'. Unpatronising, welcoming and offering them an out if they actually would rather be alone.

19lottie82 Sat 29-Oct-16 23:28:34

yesterday there are quite a few befriending schemes for the elderly through various charities. I'm assuming this is what the OP is interested in getting involved with.

Why the eye rolling emoji?

Weedsnseeds1 Sun 30-Oct-16 00:20:46

I was chucking out recycling on Christmas day and saw my neighbours walking back from church. Bit of random chit chat and transpired they had "done" Christmas a week earlier with friends and had no plans. I asked them if they would like to join us and they were the life and soul of the party. I have asked them this year too, they're great! Always cook too much at the best of times, let alone Christmas. I think hHelp the aged have a scheme if you don't have any people you know personally

yesterdaysunshine Sun 30-Oct-16 05:57:42

Lottie I think that the problem with anything like this is that it assumes the elderly will be so desperate for any sort of company that they can be invited to what really is a complete strangers home and be happy for a few hours then deposited back.

Maybe that's true for some people but more often than not it isn't.

Like most well meaning but ultimately 'missing the point' offers of charity, one day is something and nothing: support needs to be ongoing. Personally I can't think of anything worse than sitting in a strangers dining room with them surrounded by their own parents, spouse, children and so on with me, the charity case sat there as the token 'I'm a good person' sign.

I initially thought the OP wanted to invite an elderly person she knew who was alone at Christmas which is why I asked why it mattered they were elderly. But if she just wants to invite any elderly person because they are alone - for one day it's a well meaning gesture that's a bit useless.

Oncandystripedlegs Sun 30-Oct-16 06:53:42

Maybe it will go on to become a more regular thing though . There is a charity that arranges for older people on their own to go to tea with the same family once a month , and they have had really positive results :

yesterdaysunshine Sun 30-Oct-16 07:06:43

It used to hurt my feelings when I got pity invites for Christmas so I'm prickly about it smile

19lottie82 Sun 30-Oct-16 08:58:22

yesterday as I already mentioned I'm assuming the OP is looking for a charity befriending scheme that assists pensioners who are recognised as being lonely and would love to have Christmas dinner with a family.

I doubt she is going to drag a random elderly person who is happy with their own company, into her house and force a roast dinner down their throat!

yesterdaysunshine Sun 30-Oct-16 08:59:21

I wouldn't be so sure!

19lottie82 Sun 30-Oct-16 09:01:45

What makes you say that?

19lottie82 Sun 30-Oct-16 09:04:29

I don't mean to offend but you sound really judgemental about someone trying to do a nice thing, that plenty of people would really appreciate.

I've done volunteering with the elderly before and loneliness is a huge problem. A long act of human kindness like this can really make a difference.

I'm sorry you were previously offended by "pity invitations" but it's not fair to assume everyone else (hosts and guests) feel the same.

Eliza22 Sun 30-Oct-16 09:29:43

My sister does this frequently. It's just how she is and her attitude is "one more at the table only adds to the festivity". Do it. It's a lovely thing to do. Be prepared though for a refusal. My mum's often on her own (despite our inviting her/offering round trip transport) and she genuinely doesn't mind. Everyone's different.

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