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To be sick of the perfect modern parent brigade!?

(249 Posts)
Toofondofcake Sat 29-Oct-16 08:52:50

If I get a flaming here oh well but I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I'm sick of hearing other women/parents lecturing others on parenting techniques in a properly pretentious and judgey way. It always seems to be something like "we don't discipline, putting your child in timeout is abuse". Or "my child Star only wears gender neutral clothing as I won't impose society's gender constructs on them" or "clothes don't matters my 8 year old can wear whatever she likes".

I respect other people parent in very different ways but I can't stand seeing people preaching parenting lectures at others. I just want to scream " your DAUGHTER isn't spirited She's a bully! And letting her wear her dance leotard to the park isn't progressive and changing society, it's October and it's freezing and inappropriate".

Sorry for ranting. This is my scream into a pillow place.

NickiFury Sat 29-Oct-16 08:57:28

Where have you seen/heard all these lectures? I admit I do roll my eyes at the kind of parenting you describe but I don't see it as a lecture or anyone trying to push me in that direction as a parent myself - it's just people choosing to do things differently and pontificating about it. I don't read that stuff and tune it out if I come across it in real life. It's not particularly pervasive is it? That you need to be screaming into your pillow over it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 29-Oct-16 08:58:23

Is this about one parent in particular?

PotatoesareDashNice Sat 29-Oct-16 08:59:34

I call them the " over bakers " they always seem to have something baking in the oven made by them and their kids or be planning craaaaaaft. Nauseating. They post a lot on fb, and use the word ' source' instead of ' buy'. Shudder.

TheStoic Sat 29-Oct-16 08:59:42

People truly confident in their parenting choices just get on with it. They don't try to convert others.

If that's what you are experiencing, be assured that those people are not as confident in their choices as they may appear.

ComputerDog Sat 29-Oct-16 09:01:22

Where do you live OP? I only rarely come across people who say things like this.

witsender Sat 29-Oct-16 09:02:36

I dunno, I think all those things as that is how we live...don't think I am an annoying 'perfect modern parent' though.

PerspicaciaTick Sat 29-Oct-16 09:03:44

It sounds less like a whole brigade, more like one particular family who have got your goat.

StrawberryQuik Sat 29-Oct-16 09:05:01

Are they being obnoxious on purpose do you think or just defensive of being the odd ones out?

I seem to do things differently to a lot of my friends with babies (think AP as opposed to routines, bf to sleep as opposed to CC) and they probably all think I'm massively lazy because I never explain my reasons as I don't want to come across smug.

Gowgirl Sat 29-Oct-16 09:05:03

I know the ones you mean, but I like to wind them up, amazing how you can be an expert after 8 months, I've been going 10 years I'm too knackered for craft and quinoa, in this house ketchup counts as a vegetable grin

ladylanky Sat 29-Oct-16 09:06:19

Not something I've really come across but I do love a good brigade.....

witsender Sat 29-Oct-16 09:06:54

However my little Stars choose their own clothes, which are often fairly gendered! And both kids while 'spirited' are certainly not the type to bully.

BlondieJ Sat 29-Oct-16 09:08:55

I get equally pissed with the "oh just let them have chocolate" "that's a BOY???his hair is LONG" "you should stop breastfeeding and he'll sleep longer" "let him cry it out if you want sleep" etc etc
No matter what people have an opinion, after 3 children I've developed quite good selective hearing

DavidPuddy Sat 29-Oct-16 09:09:57

In your examples the people are explaining how they do things, not saying "you all should do it like this".

I don't doubt that they are probably a little smug, but why let it have so much effect on you?

NataliaOsipova Sat 29-Oct-16 09:16:33

If that's what you are experiencing, be assured that those people are not as confident in their choices as they may appear.

Agree with this. We stood in front of a lady in a queue who I strongly suspect was part of this "brigade". She had two little boys who were hell bent on beating the shit out of each other. She was on it for the full half an hour. "Theo, do you think it's kind to hurt your brother? What do we say about kind hands and sharing?". "Felix, you're making your brother sad by kicking him. Do you think that's kind?". And on and on. And these kids continued to kick each other to bits as she stood there, wringing her hands. Made me feel rather better about my own default option of "Stop it right now or we go straight home" in a loud voice!

Toofondofcake Sat 29-Oct-16 09:19:15

In part of several groups both in real life and on Facebook where their are dozens of women like this not it's one annoying Facebook friend.

They are usually in little pods in the baby groups I go to. I find them so infuriating because of the manner that they impart their advice... it's usually unsolicited and judgmental.
Another example, at a group with up to preschool children a friend of mine mentioned her daughter had had such an extreme tantrum that she had needed to put her into her cot (she's just turned 2) for a few minutes till she lost her anger and stoped trashing around as she'd have hurt herself. Friend then got a 10 minute soliloquy on the way this other lady chooses to parent and how what she had done was damaging and disrespectful to her child.

Now I know different people handle tantrums different ways but bloody hell, in the end friend kind of dismissed it but the pack of ladies on the other side of the conversation then took themselves off to a different area and didn't speak with friend again for weeks. Why so pushy with these parenting opinions?! And yes smugly proud as if they are better I every way and have better raised children.
Argh!

SuperFlyHigh Sat 29-Oct-16 09:22:14

Natalia that's hilarious.

Often I do hear or see this "brigade" the neighbours had it, "oh Bella play nicely with Quentin etc" (Bella always been jealous of her 2 years younger brother) so it was funny when I went round over summer and noticed a huge list on the wall of things they do and don't do... Or what not to do.

One day I also heard the mum (pregnant) lose it slightly with Bella who'd been really unkind and dangerous towards Quentin not realising I was in. Full on screaming mode. That's why proper discipline instead of the crunchy kind always works.

buttercup15 Sat 29-Oct-16 09:22:15

It's a bit ironic that you are posting saying that you don't like people 'lecturing' others about their parenting choices, yet you are obviously mocking and judging the parenting choices of those other people yourself by the examples you have given.

Yes it is annoying when other people are preachy and try to come across as perfect. But it is just as annoying when people sign up to the 'oh I'm such a shit parent' brigade and boast about doing such a 'terrible' job. It is basically a form of inverse snobbery and is just as annoying as snobbery itself.

witsender Sat 29-Oct-16 09:23:07

Could it be that they sit together because they are friends and share the same views?

nuttyknitter Sat 29-Oct-16 09:24:15

So OP you don't like feeling judged by them .... but are happy to judge them right back. Frankly, if I heard someone talking about leaving a child screaming in a cot I'd move away and not want to spend time with them again.

witsender Sat 29-Oct-16 09:24:57

There is an argument to be had about the nature of discipline, what the word means, what is crunchy discipline, what works in the short term may not achieve the end goal, why shouting works etc...but that would only play into the OP's hands and it is too early for all that. grin

SuperFlyHigh Sat 29-Oct-16 09:25:15

Toofond I don't have kids but by gosh if I got that extreme reaction from parents I think I'd either say nothing or not socialise with them.

All I can say is I bet it comes back and bites them on the bum.

I do know one new age hippy (perhaps crunchy) mum, no idea of her parenting skills she's the DD of one of my mum's best friends. But her DC both seem to be growing up fine. Maybe it's a combination of what works.

BigSandyBalls2015 Sat 29-Oct-16 09:26:39

I was in a restaurant last weekend and there were two kids having a ruck on the floor, rolling about whilst the poor waiters tried to step past them without dropping hot food and drink all over them. They rolled over to our table and were almost underneath it and the mum noticed me looking over at her, incredulously, so she called over "indoor voices guys, you know the rules, not too loud" shock.

SuperFlyHigh Sat 29-Oct-16 09:27:06

nutty didn't you read Toofond's post? obviously not advocating that but if that worked for that mum at that time then why judge her?

PeachyTheSanctiMoanyArse Sat 29-Oct-16 09:28:10

It's not modern parenting, my eldest is sixteen and I clearly remember some from then: and their kids are doing no better than worse than those of the rest of us.

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