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To not want people in our room?

(77 Posts)
AIlthingmeow Fri 28-Oct-16 23:10:25

Recently moved back in with MIL as we were struggling to save for a house while renting so she suggested we moved back. We currently don't pay rent, only some money towards bills and food.

I came home today to find BIL and his girlfriend sat on our bed playing with the cat. I know when I went out I closed the bedroom door and I was the last one in there, DP was at work then straight out with his work mates and I was out with MIL so for the cat to even have got in there it means BIL or GF would have to have opened the door to go in there to start with.

This makes me incredibly uncomfortable, I barely know his girlfriend, she's actually quite nasty to me, but despite that neither her nor BIL have any reason to go into the room let alone be sat on our bed confused

WIBU to say something to either MIL, BIL&GF or DP to stop them going in there when I'm not around again? At the end of the day it is MILs house, not mine, and k feel a bit weird telling her who can and cannot go into what rooms in her home but it also makes me uncomfortable to think they might be/have been in there and I have no idea.

I wouldn't have any problem if I was in there or at least known that they'd gone in, just not comfy with the idea of them being in there without my knowledge.

Lovelybangers Fri 28-Oct-16 23:12:56

Yanbu.

I don't know where to start regarding tackling it though?

Icksorry Fri 28-Oct-16 23:13:56

I think you're more than entitled to ask them to stay the fuck out of your room, TBH. I'd be extremely cross.

pictish Fri 28-Oct-16 23:14:47

Ooh oh no this is a bitchin dilemma. Yanbu but how to broach it without it becoming a thing.

Willywolly Fri 28-Oct-16 23:15:19

YANBU. It's still your room, with your belongs in whether or not it's actually MILs home or your own, you don't have to justify not wanting people in there.

How old are they? And why do they think it's okay to go in to someone else's room?

I can't get past this, I came home today to find BIL and his girlfriend sat on our bed, WTF?! So not only were they in your room without permission when no one else was even home but they were also on your bed?!

pictish Fri 28-Oct-16 23:16:55

I suppose there's nothing else for it but to say how you feel.

AIlthingmeow Fri 28-Oct-16 23:19:39

They're both 19.

I have no idea why they think it's okay, id never go into anyone else's room.

I have no idea how I'd bring it up with anyone though. I suppose the easiest thing is talking to DP and then he can help.

pictish Fri 28-Oct-16 23:21:49

When you're all together just drop it in there all nice but firm. "Oh yeah...please don't go into our room when we're out. Just for the sake of privacy. We'll afford you the same."

Smrendell Fri 28-Oct-16 23:21:53

Maybe they just have an open family?

DPs family all go into each other's room no problem, I used I always get really angry about it but Ive just learnt to acceptable and not leave personal things lying around anymore.

Donthateprocreate Fri 28-Oct-16 23:22:34

What did you say when you saw them in there?

Omgkitties Fri 28-Oct-16 23:24:33

DPs family all go into each other's room no problem, I used I always get really angry about it but Ive just learnt to acceptable and not leave personal things lying around anymore.

Same situation here, I haven't learnt to deal with it though. We don't live with MIL and BIL anymore so it's not a problem but I'd never stop being uncomfortable with people in my room.

What did you say them when you saw them?

AIlthingmeow Fri 28-Oct-16 23:27:10

I just said oh I wondered why the light was on and BIL said they were just playing with the cat and then asked about my shopping bags probably to change the subject away from him being in there

pictish Fri 28-Oct-16 23:29:19

So now is the perfect time to politely state your case. It'll be fine.

llangennith Fri 28-Oct-16 23:31:38

They probably didn't think it through. Just ask them nicely not to go in there now that it's your room.

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 28-Oct-16 23:39:36

You should have just nicely said "great day, please don't come into our room again, you can play with the car elsewhere", it would have been less of a drama to say it there and then but now you need to bring it back up and that's always more awkward but yanbu to do it

2kids2dogsnosense Fri 28-Oct-16 23:46:11

Totally inappropriate of them to be in your room.

It is not your house, but at the moment it is your HOME, and you and DP are entitled to privacy and to know that anything you leave there will not be disturbed - it's bloody bad manners.

I can understand why you feel uncomfortable tackling them about it, but they need to be told. Presumably BIL has his own room and doesn't have to sleep in a basket under the kitchen table, so he and his gf can go in there with or without the cat.

fedupski Fri 28-Oct-16 23:49:45

Do you perhaps have a double bed whilst BIL has a single?

ollieplimsoles Fri 28-Oct-16 23:52:59

Mil offered for you to come and live with her, it wasn't forced on her, you should say you don't want bil in your room.

Jedimum1 Fri 28-Oct-16 23:57:10

Ask your MIL if she is comfortable with you still there and whether she thinks it would be better for you to get a small cheap studio in the outskirts... she probably tells you not to do so, then you can say that you feel you have no privacy and that you found BIL+Gf on your bed and it makes you a bit uncomfortable as in having to be extra careful not to leave underwear around, or being paranoid that they might be on (in?!) your bed whilst everyone is out, etc. Not that having underwear out is anything to be embarrassed about, but if BIL is 19yo I bet your MIL wouldn't like the idea of him being sat next to some lovely suspenders grin or buy some sexy stuff and leave it out... your MIL might step in and be the one to tell him not to go in! thlgrin

AIlthingmeow Fri 28-Oct-16 23:58:33

Just ask them nicely not to go in there now that it's your room.

I technically has always been our room, or at least DPs, we were only gone a year and the room wasn't touched in that time.

Do you perhaps have a double bed whilst BIL has a single?

No, both have kings.

BackforGood Sat 29-Oct-16 00:01:09

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say 'I know there are going to be issues with us living here as well, and I really appreciate your offer, but I think it's all going to work out better if we feel we can speak to each other about things we all do that annoy or irritate other people? Can I just say I really need my privacy and would ask that others don't go into our room when Im not there please'

<of course, it might open up the opportunity for someone to tell you about your / dh's annoying habits>

ThatGingerOne Sat 29-Oct-16 00:01:21

Put a load of sex toys, whips and things strewn across the bed, if they pop in again they'll soon be running out grin

Itrytoohard Sat 29-Oct-16 00:02:17

DS1s girlfriend didn't want DS2 and his girlfriend in their room so she told them she'd rather them keep out as lots of her things have started to go missing and she doesn't want to start suspecting one of them is stealing from her and it'll be easier to say things have just been misplaced rather than nicked if only her and DS go into the room.

Prehaps you could use that? Even if things aren't going missing, at least then it'll look like you have a good reason for asking.

AIlthingmeow Sat 29-Oct-16 00:08:38

Put a load of sex toys, whips and things strewn across the bed, if they pop in again they'll soon be running

I think I'd be more embarrassed than them. The very first time I met the girlfriend we was sat in the car (me, BIL and gf) whilst DP went into Argos and she started talking to BIL about an email she got from some sex toy specialist website. thlblush Another time we were helping MIL tidy BILs room(he was a typical 17 year old with a hazardous bedroom) and we opened up a box of their kinky sex stuff and when DP teased them they both just shrugged it off and didn't care.

MulberryBush12 Sat 29-Oct-16 00:13:28

Just get your DP to sort this out with his brother ASAP. It would be much better coming from him, no need to involve yourself or the girlfriend.

YANBU~A small minority of people just need everything spelling out to them re what constitutes acceptable behaviour. So frustrating!

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