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To think pamper parties for small girls are a bit sad?

(107 Posts)
Throughautomaticdoors Fri 28-Oct-16 13:01:36

My friend's dd with be 7 in December and is having a pamper party when they each get their hair and make up done and have a mini manicure or pedicure.
On one hand I guess it's no different to dressing up but on the other it sort of seems worse because it's so focused on appearance. It's the beginning of the trout pout and selfies. At 7 I'd have had no idea about getting my make up done. I know it's just how things are now and a lot of the little girls are the same but they are pretty without makeup on aren't they? It's sad that already they feel they have to look different.

I think even if if was just nails and hair it doesn't seem so sad, but make up seems really unnecessary.

Aibu?

CannotEvenDeal Fri 28-Oct-16 13:05:43

I only have a son but I teach in a primary school and they are all the rage. I don't really like them at all tbh.

I'm not a fan of bippity boppity boutique parties either, it just seems a bit ott imo.

Increasingly children, especially girls, are mini-adults as opposed to children.

StarlingMurmuration Fri 28-Oct-16 13:08:35

I don't have a DD, and things like this make me relieved, tbh. YANBU. At seven I was playing with My Little Ponies! I didn't think about my appearance at all. It's really sad.

Maraschinocherry Fri 28-Oct-16 13:10:10

you are going to get murdered on here.

I agree. There are so many things you can do at 7 that you won't be interested in when you are older, shame to spoil them. I also think that wearing makeup too early is wrong. A 7 yo looks like a 7 yo with make up. However, a 14 yo can look a lot older, but you can't forbid her to dress up when she is older, can you. There are 8 yo talking about waxing or shaving, dying their hair. It's sad. Some mums live their life through their children, so they think it reflects well on them to have a mini me all tarted up.

Throughautomaticdoors Fri 28-Oct-16 13:13:15

It's not a criticism of my friend or any other parent. I know it's just how things are, it just makes me feel a bit sad about it.

user1477427207 Fri 28-Oct-16 13:17:46

I agree , it is desperately sad, and would have some little girls squirming with embarrassment and misery.

carmenta Fri 28-Oct-16 13:18:09

It's different to dressing up. Dressing up is imaginative play which lets kids dream about doing exciting things.

Pamper parties are about looking pretty. They are not harmless in an image-obsessed society and tell little girls that they need to be decorative first and foremost, and what they think or do is secondary.

If DD ever gets invited to a pamper party she's not going, I think they're beyond awful.

WyfOfBathe Fri 28-Oct-16 13:18:55

YABU. I would actually disagree with you. A few of my friends had "pamper parties" when we were about that age and I loved it - it's such fun to pick your nail polish colours and do each others makeup while all having a giggle together. I would say that choosing to have fun by doing that once in a while is quite different from putting on "your face" and doesn't necessarily lead from one to the other - I've always loved "pampering" but didn't start wearing makeup regularly until I was 17 or 18.

icanteven Fri 28-Oct-16 13:21:32

"It's such fun to pick your nail polish colours and do each others makeup while all having a giggle together" - it is, I absolutely agree. And luckily, you have your whole teens and adult life to do that. At 7, children should be left to be children, and not hurried on to the next stage.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Fri 28-Oct-16 13:24:33

It's such an empty activity though. Completely agree with you OP. I hate that it teaches little girls - you have to do and BUY all those hings to be pretty.

BikeRunSki Fri 28-Oct-16 13:25:23

I took DD to one for a 5 year old a few weeks ago. I was a bit hmm about the idea (lets take a group of girls who have just started Reception and tell them it's more important to be pretty...) and dd reluctant, but wanted to go to see her friends. It was hosted by Rapunzel. DD is the least girly/princessy child you'll ever meet, and hated it. She reluctantly had her fingernails painted. At the end, all the girls lined up to have their photo with Rapunzel. Looking at the photos on FB later, DD was sticking her tongue out grin.

Brankolium Fri 28-Oct-16 13:26:22

I've seen a few of these on FB and cringed blush. A sea of 7 year olds in pink, lounging in personalised dressing gowns waving painted nails and pouting for the camera. It seems sad that several hours solely focussed on making yourself appear as beautiful as possible is interesting to young girls. The little girls I've seen have these parties are daughters to mothers who like those things themselves, so maybe it's partly wanting to be like mummy.

But, if my daughter desperately wanted that for her party then I guess I'd go along with it as undermining her wishes is hardly empowering and confidence-building. I'd probably strongly encourage it to be the follow-up activity to some GoApe or something!

ImSoVeryTired Fri 28-Oct-16 13:30:11

Awful idea. I did plenty of dressing up as a kid. It involved second hand clothes and things mum had made and we loved it. I would never have sat still long enough (still struggle now) to let varnish dry.
I think it promotes an unhealthy obsession with appearance, which is bad enough in your teens.
There are tons of other fun things to do. If I had a daughter, I wouldn't do this and would seriously consider not letting my daughter go to this sort of party (I know, so mean). What's wrong with the cinema, swimming or other activity.

PutDownThatLaptop Fri 28-Oct-16 13:30:53

My daughter took five friends to a salon for her 9th birthday. No make up, just little girl hairdos and nails done (all glittery and smudged within seconds, naturally.) They then drank fizzy drinks and ate little nibbles and cupcakes. All seemed happy and they still talk about it now. It did surprise me as my daughter is absolutely not a 'princess' type and always insists that she should be known for her intelligence and personality before her looks. To my mind, 9 is really the very lowest age range for this kind of thing and that is why I did not allow facial make up to be done.

botanically Fri 28-Oct-16 13:32:15

YANBU. There are plenty of fun things that 7 year olds can do that are more age appropriate. If they love princesses and all that then have a dress up party and they can play imaginative, roleplaying games that aren't solely focused on 'looking pretty'.

Sukitakeitoff Fri 28-Oct-16 13:33:46

I'm glad my dds haven't (yet) been invited to one of these, and would much rather get muddy than pampered!

DiegeticMuch Fri 28-Oct-16 13:38:24

I can't decide. I don't know whether I see it as harmless fancy dress, or something more mature, that should wait until age 11+.

I guess it's a good option for non-sporty kids, who might worry about looking clumsy and foolish at GoApe, swimming parties, paintball, climbing walls, laser tag etc. I know a few kids who used to avoid those sort of parties.

WorraLiberty Fri 28-Oct-16 13:43:57

Most kids just want to play at being adults and have done since time began.

Getting your hair, make-up and nails done is an adult thing so it's bound to appeal to them.

I hate seeing little kids with make-up on but there's no harm in these parties imo.

noeffingidea Fri 28-Oct-16 13:58:16

I wouldn't have one of these, tbh.
There again, I would have absolutely loved it when I was 7. My Mum went too far the other way, IMO. No pink, no barbies, nothing too 'girly', and I did feel left out at times. I don't see putting nail varnish or playing with a bit of makeup as being harmful in itself, as long as it's seen as just fun.
I suppose it's unfashionable nowadays, but at that age kids parties should have games like pass the parcel, musical statues, face painting, maybe a magician or a bouncy castle if you can afford it. And ideally be mixed ie boy and girl guests.
I see it as a result of increased comercialisation of, well, everything. Someone has seen a business opportunity and it's caught on.

MLGs Fri 28-Oct-16 14:01:29

I think it's fine for teens but not at 7.

At 7 they need to be discovering the things they love doing rather than just pampering themselves. The danger is they could think this is all there is to life (perhaps not if it's a one off, I guess, but the danger is they will all end up doing this). Or if they think this is what is meant by being "grown up".

Later on, once they have discovered their own passions in life, there's nothing wrong with a bit of pampering if that's what the kids enjoy.

Marshmallow92 Fri 28-Oct-16 14:02:30

YANBU, I have a 5mo DD and I'm dreading when she is of that age, because I know in a few years time it'll be even worse!! I think we need to let kids be kids and these pamper parties are more than just dressing up and imaginative play as a PP said. It makes an innocent 7 year old become image aware when they should not be worried about their appearance. I was still playing with toys at this age and yes dressing up is part of growing up, but not in a "pamper" way. I hate seeing kids with make up on, and recently I was in a shop and a mother was putting a tester lipstick on a toddler who was still in a pushchair!! shock

MLGs Fri 28-Oct-16 14:03:13

noeffing = i think you have a point. A little bit of putting nail varnish etc on is fine, and my DD will often do that on a play date with her friends.

But for a party it seems a bit dull tbh, and I'd want to incorporate other stuff as well at the very least.

AmeliaJack Fri 28-Oct-16 14:04:38

icant it's not just a case of "doing each ither's make up" these days I'm afraid. It's parties held on a Salon with professional make up artists.

My DD has been invited to several of these. We politely declined.

Dontpanicpyke Fri 28-Oct-16 14:07:00

It depends on the level of pamper to be fair.

My dd aged 8 had someone come to the house. She curledtheir hair and painted nails. Added stars/rainbows to faces. No makeup and no pouting.

They then had a birthday tea and games culminating in an out foot obstacle course and going crazy on the trampoline.

They ended up hot, messy and had huge fun.

There's nowt wrong with being a girly girl and a tom boy mixed you know. That's my dds.

ftw Fri 28-Oct-16 14:07:30

YANBU, I think it's an awful idea.

It's bad enough in it's own right (can't we just let them be children?), but it's been shown again and again that as soon as girls start thinking about their appearance they stop doing things that interfere with their appearance, like sport.

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