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To think it's impossible not to cosleep while breastfeeding?

(109 Posts)
tootiredtothinkofaclevername Fri 28-Oct-16 00:57:06

Has anyone done it? Tell me how - I'm desperate! With DS we had a cosleeper crib attached to the bed. He never went in it. Every time I fed him and transferred him across he woke up and screamed. I put it down to his reflux. I was so sleep deprived because I was constantly worried about smothering him with the duvet. Now I have DD and a similar set up only I've added a sleepyhead to the cot. While she doesn't scream it does wake her up and she just wants to feed again! She's only 4 days old but I just don't want to relive the sleep deprivation.

So tell me - is it possible? What the hell am I getting wrong?

LittleWingSoul Fri 28-Oct-16 01:02:09

If it's easier co-sleeping atm just go with it! She's only 4 days old... Give yourself a break. We still have DS in bed with us at some point during the night and he's not even BFing anymore!

Aliveinwanderland Fri 28-Oct-16 01:02:13

No idea but when you find out let me know!

2 day old DS, wants to feed constantly tonight. Will come off the breast after a while but only if I let him sleep on me. As soon as I move him he wakes and wants feeding again. I've been trying to get him off me since 9;30 and he is still latched on now. Every attempt to put him down has been unsuccessful.

I'm getting sore, and I'm tired. I darent co- sleep though.

SpeakNoWords Fri 28-Oct-16 01:03:15

I've got the same set up with a sleepyhead in a co sleeper crib. DS was initially unkeen to go in it, or anywhere off me! He's much better now, at 4 months, and has been for a while. I wrap him in a blanket whilst I feed, wait till he's very asleep and then very gently and slowly transfer. Usually this works, occasionally he won't have it and I end up feeding lying down with him next to me.

Eevee77 Fri 28-Oct-16 01:04:16

I'm sure you'll get a million different pieces of advice. It's not impossible that breast feed without cosleeping but you wil be up. A LOT. So I'd chose to co sleep. As responsibly as you can. No drink, no drugs, safe position.

EveryDayIsASchoolDay Fri 28-Oct-16 01:05:11

Our DS slept in a moses basket next to my side of the bed. He'd wake maybe every 3 hours for food and then we'd swaddle and put him back in basket.
All kids are different tho. I guess you need to just find what works. I couldn't bf for long due to issues and he was much more settled once he started being bottle-fed plus my DH and I took turns to try and eleviate the sleep deprivation.
Good luck xxx cakebrew

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 28-Oct-16 01:07:26

I ebf 2 dc and didn't co sleep.
Dd1 slept for more than 5 hours by 6 months.
DS1 was a year old before I had anything like that.
I can't express so I did every feed. DS did destroy my sanity.

madamginger Fri 28-Oct-16 01:09:42

DD was pretty easy to get into her Moses basket after a feed but both my boys co slept pretty much from birth. It was the only way any of us got any sleep, esp in the early days.

Lucked Fri 28-Oct-16 01:11:22

Yes I didn't, they would have been safe with me I think but dh was a complete liability, once asleep he was oblivious and would have rolled on top of them. Also I couldn't feed lying down so I needed to move them at some point. Mostly it was perseverance but swaddling helped ds as he was high needs. I think I would swaddle him then feed him so that he just stayed in his little bundle and got put down.

tootiredtothinkofaclevername Fri 28-Oct-16 01:11:59

She's just so tiny, under 3kg. She's swaddled. She's not safe in with DH and I. There's pillows and a duvet and a DH who is like sleeping with a walrus. Eventually I give in to the exhaustion and pass out but then wake with a start every 30 minutes for fear that the duvet has gone over her or whatever . I fed DS myself until he self weaned but I paid the price mentally as the cosleeping did me in. With DD I'm considering formula just so we can all sleep it is that false hope?

MimiSunshine Fri 28-Oct-16 01:19:17

I EBF and don't co sleep. To be honest I don't really know how co sleeping would make any difference.

A friend co sleeps so she can basically shove a boob in and fall back to sleep but when I've tried that on the odd Saturday morning I've ended up lying in a really odd position. Sort of twisted over. My boobs just don't seem able to do that, maybe they're not big enough 😑

I do try and wait 5mins or so before putting baby back in her cot (previously Moises basket) as i think it's the change in temp (from being cuddled up close) that wakes her up.

But your DD is 4 days old, waking up for constant feeds is her job

SpeakNoWords Fri 28-Oct-16 01:20:49

I know it's not a popular solution but DP has de-camped to the spare room so I don't have to worry about him if I co sleep. He also has my 4 yr old in with him if he wakes in the night and can't settle (rarely). It's just for a short while in the grand scheme of things.

BasicMadeira Fri 28-Oct-16 01:21:06

I failed miserably with DD1 with co sleeping and she nursed in and off all night until well past six months. It was awful you just become a human pacifier. DD2 I faired better because at about 4 months I started walking her to sleep and putting her down. It took a lot of walking and a lot of nights but finally my bed was my own. Funnily enough DD1 is the best sleeper now at 4 and DD2 is not good at 2. It's one of the unspoken reasons why bf is so damn hard!

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 28-Oct-16 01:21:52

Formula won't kill her. Express if you can though. When DH gets home, go to bed and let him do a bottle feed of formula or expressed bm until he goes to bed (preferably immediately after a feed) while you sleep for 5 or 6 hours straight, several times a week.

DixieNormas Fri 28-Oct-16 01:22:55

I've never co slept, I just couldn't sleep with them in the bed with me

sycamore54321 Fri 28-Oct-16 01:32:01

I breastfed and never once co-slept, the thought of it terrified me. I was advised to have a hot water bottle to place in the baby's basket while I fed, that way the sheet was warm and snug when I put him back in. If I forgot the hot water bottle, I'd lift out the entire mattress and place it on the chair behind me so my body heat would prevent the sheet getting chilly.

Also,try not to transfer the baby the minute she drops off to sleep, continue to hold her for up to ten minutes so she is good and deep in her sleep cycle before you put her down.

I don't show bottle feeding above breast feeding would make a difference in your case - either way you will have to transfer her after a feed from whoever is holding her into her crib. I'm no breastfeeding militant so this is not a comment on formula v BF and you should definitely switch to formula if that is what you want, but I just don't at how it could solve the specific problem you have outlined.

OlennasWimple Fri 28-Oct-16 01:34:38

I EBF but didn't co-sleep with a preemie (just too dangerous). Lots of getting up and down TBH

sycamore54321 Fri 28-Oct-16 01:34:56

Sorry I am dumb, just realised thus of course bottle feeding would allow you to share feeds with your husband while you got sleep elsewhere, even if the baby insisted on being held. Sleep deprivation is awful and I think the situation you outline of not wanting to co-sleep but doing it anyway and then not sleeping yourself is the absolute worst of all worlds. You are sleep deprived and now frightened for your baby. In that case, I would definitely persevere with trying to get her to sleep in her own area. You might be sleep deprived while she gets the hang of it, but at least you won't be worrying like crazy too.

SmokyMountains Fri 28-Oct-16 01:35:09

For me personally it WAS impossible to bf without co sleeping....

I was very anti cosleeping due to dangers but started in the end as I woke up three times in a row having fallen asleep due to exhaustion sitting up in a chair during a feed and was slumped down with the baby which was v v dangerous, and I realised even cosleeping was safer than that.

So I had to figure out a way of making cosleeping safe for the baby.

So DH had the duvet on his side, and falling onto the floor on his side of the bed, leaving my side with no duvet at all. I had on very thick pjs and a rug tucked under my legs, with a short cardi open over my shoulders and tucked in behind my back so the fabric couldn't get near the baby....and I had a little cushion from the sofa under my head so no pillow to go near the baby. And I slept on my left side with my left arm out on the mattress so that I couldn't roll over onto the baby. With this I felt that the baby was safe and we did this quite successfully for a year..

I think in the end you have to do what you can to survive those early weeks where it is just so so hard.

Bue Fri 28-Oct-16 01:37:58

Just cosleep (unless you have risk factors). For most people it is the easiest way to get some sleep and sanity in the early days/weeks/months of BF. When done correctly, it is safe.

QueenLizIII Fri 28-Oct-16 01:38:14

And I slept on my left side with my left arm out on the mattress so that I couldn't roll over onto the baby.

You can pull your arm in and roll over while asleep you know......You dont stay immobile in bed in the position you fell asleep in.

Even in moses baskets you have to put them feet to foot just in case but a big bed with two adults and a duvet and pillows....I just couldnt.

Bue Fri 28-Oct-16 01:40:41

And babies are supposed to wake frequently for feeds. Even bottle fed babies. I really wouldn't go down the formula route for that reason, you may find it results in absolutely no change.

Kstar8 Fri 28-Oct-16 01:44:10

I've got 9 week old that I've fallen asleep with on me during night feeds, but not actually tried to co-sleep other than feeding her lying down in the morning.
I have a large soft v-shaped pillow that I feed her on in bed and I am propped up by pillows so she can't go anywhere and I can't roll over. Fallen asleep like this several times and then had the battle of trying to put her back in the co-sleeper bed attachment.
I was told that feeding them in bed is safer than doing so in a chair during the night as at least they would only fall on the mattress, not the floor.

I don't get how people co sleep fully and I'm not anti co sleeping, just doesn't work for us. When I've tried it in the morning, my arm and shoulder are totally wrecked from holding an unnatural position up and around the baby. Also, my DD needs winding or her feed comes back over the bed so I have to sit up and wind her anyway.

The weeks do get better. Mine slept on me for a couple of weeks in the beginning and we wouldn't have survived without doing that! Good luck, remember it's all a phase.

SpeakNoWords Fri 28-Oct-16 01:47:55

After too many nights sitting propped up I get lower back and hip aches, and am desperate to be lying down even if I'm not totally comfy. It's different for everyone I guess.

AcrossthePond55 Fri 28-Oct-16 01:51:40

Never co-slept. It wasn't a 'thing' when mine were little. I had a cradle near the bed but not right next too it. BF, silent cuddle for a few minutes afterward to be sure they were asleep. But I did put a warm (on lo-temp) heating pad on the cradle pad when I picked up the baby and slipped it out before putting him down. That way I was putting him back into a warm bed.

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