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AIBU to be upset neighbour wouldn't tell me who perpetrator is

(15 Posts)
PotteryLottery Thu 27-Oct-16 19:56:17

I became aware of a plea for witnesses to an incident on our street to which the police are involved. I told a neighbour, who is a mum of a child my DD plays out with and who I see on school run. She told me who the victim was, who lives in our street.

It later transpired that the perpetrator also lives on our road.

Today our children were playing out near the victim's house so I asked the neighbour mum if she knew who the perp was as I felt uneasy leaving the kids out as I don't know who the perp is.

She said she had her suspicions but didn't want to say.

AIBU to feel sad - does she think I am untrustworthy???sad

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Thu 27-Oct-16 19:58:52

there's nothing to tell...if she has suspicions maybe they are about you?

sounds to me like she has her head screwed on and is not a gossip.

Rainydayspending Thu 27-Oct-16 19:59:08

It's probably to do with the incident. Also when I've been aware of the Police investigating I didn't want to gossip. I wanted no hearsay to muddy the waters for the victim. So possibly not you

TaraCarter Thu 27-Oct-16 20:00:23

She sounds very wise. She isn't sure and she isn't going to risk slurring an innocent.

AmeliaJack Thu 27-Oct-16 20:00:57

Erm. It's not to do with whether you are trustworthy or not. It's to do with your very sensible neighbour trying to avoid being accused of slander.

After all even if the perpetrator has been charged it's "innocent unti proven guilty".

Nurszilla Thu 27-Oct-16 20:01:15

Because she doesn't know for sure and therefore doesn't want to gossip about someone who could be entirely innocent?

She's done the right thing IMO.

LBOCS2 Thu 27-Oct-16 20:08:52

How does she know that you're not going to stir up a witch hunt against someone on her say-so? She doesn't know you and she's not prepared to gossip on the basis of her suspicions. Sensible woman.

AidingAndAbetting Thu 27-Oct-16 20:09:18

It's not a question of trusting you or not. She has her suspicions but doesn't know and therefore doesn't want to spread gossip about someone who may be entirely blameless. Very sensible IMO.

JosephineMaynard Thu 27-Oct-16 20:46:44

If she's not 100% sure who the perpetrator is, she may well be worried about getting it wrong and slandering an innocent person.

diddl Thu 27-Oct-16 20:50:08

Perhaps she should just have said taht she didn't know??

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 27-Oct-16 20:50:32

God all these moral people! I'd be a bit annoyed as well OP but I am the nosiest fucker you ever met grin

TheCatsMother99 Thu 27-Oct-16 20:51:46


She doesn't know for sure who it is so doesn't want to say as it could spread lies and cause issues. Totally understandable and sensible.

ilovesooty Thu 27-Oct-16 21:04:34

I think she should have simply said she didn't know, quite honestly.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Thu 27-Oct-16 21:46:08

What kind of crime was this? Sexual? Or common assault?

Depending on the nature of the (alleged) incident, I might be a bit hmm at her telling you who the victim was.

TheWitTank Thu 27-Oct-16 22:02:02

I wouldn't say either. It's gossipy and (depending on the crime) potentially dangerous to spread rumours about people who may or may not be criminals. Vigilante behaviour is frequently violent and often aimed at the wrong person. A group of people a few miles from me targeted a "paedo" they had heard about from local gossip. Completely untrue (same name coincidence) and they beat him quite badly.

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