Mum in the park(266 Posts)
Who was being unreasonable..
Just took my dd (2.8), ds and his friend to the park. Dd wanted to scoot which was fine and I took her into the play park while the boys played at the goals with a football.
All was ok we parked the scooter and she was on the swings but then a little boy came over and took the scooter, I'm fine with that if he wants to have a quick go but dd starts going on about wanting it back then is out of the swing and chasing this boy for her scooter. The mum comes over and tells me she is trying to stop him taking other kids things but he isn't two yet and doesn't understand. By this time dd and is getting hysterical over the scooter so I ask for it back and get the whole "oh he isn't 2 yet he doesn't understand, he just wants to play" but we get it back. Dd scoots for a bit then goes on the slide at which point boy is straight over and back on the scooter, Dd is then off of the slide and wants it back Im seriously losing my patience by now with everyone!
I take dd to one side and tell her she needs to share blah blah blah but all she wants is her scooter left by the fence where she parked it! Other Mum is just laughing and telling her kid that he is upsetting the little girl and to hurry up because she doesn't want to share. Dd full on crying now so I tell her we are going home because she is being mean and isn't sharing, I ask for the scooter back and the Mum says "oh just a few more minutes and he will be done" but I'm fucked off now so I tell her no I want it back now because we are going. She begrudgingly gives it back her kid starts screeching and then she walks off muttering about kids need to be taught how to share!
My dd got told off and we all went home after just 15 mins in the park but I've just told dh and he said that dd didn't do anything wrong. He said that it was her scooter the other kid should have been made to leave it alone and I've told dd off for nothing I must admit I was thinking I wish the other Mum had just got her kid to leave the damn scooter and we could have all had a decent one in the park but then dd should share.
I'm not sure who was in the wrong and I need to know because I'm sure it's going to happen again, it's my local park and the Mum said she is there every day!!
There's sharing and there is taking what doesn't belong to you. The mum needs to buy her child a scooter!
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Your husband is right, she didnt have to share her scooter (nice to share with a friend but in what scenario would you share your car with a perfect stranger?) and to be perfectly honest the mum needs to teach her son to respect other peoples property!
Next time just say that the scooter isnt for sharing, for extra annoying points say santa will probably bring him one for christmas (evil).
Meh, just sounds like one of those days. I guess technically she was in the wrong but its a lesson for your daughter too. Life is fuzzy. Its not always black and white.
It's a difficult one - I often feel that the passive aggressive pretend polite rows between parents about "sharing" are worse than the toddler tantrums!
I don't think your DD did anything wrong really. The boys a stranger, he took her scooter, and she wanted it back. I don't make my toddler share his toys with strangers because I wouldn't expect to share my things (phone, car, handbag etc) with any random who wanted a go. Equally I don't let him take toys away from other children.
So in your shoes I'd have backed your DD up, said firmly to the other mum that she doesn't want to share and I'm not going to make her, and let her deal with the fallout from her toddler rather than ruining your trip to the park.
I agree, SWBU. I understand if her kids goes over and she then asks if you don't mind, but telling you to wait while he plays with it and making those remarks and not keeping control of her own child were unreasonable. She needs to fork out for a scooter!
The other mum is BU. She needs to buy her son a scooter and continue to to teach him that he can't just grab other people's things.
Agree with all so far. Your dd had every right to not share. He should not be helping himself.
I think I am with your DH on this. It was your child's scooter - what if this other boy had damaged it? It's fine to expect toys to be shared at nursery or school or even at home with a friend, but for another child whom you don't know to expect to use the scooter in the park, that is cheeky.
I wouldn't have made my ds share in those circumstances. Sharing in my mind is when your child is playing with other children and the children are together, it is not letting a random child go on your scooter. Perhaps if she was fine with the boy playing with it but not when she wants it back. I also don't let my son go on other people's scooters/bikes in the park unless we know them and they are fine with him playing on it.
I read a interesting article about a little boy playing with two of his cars in the park and another little boy coming along and taking one of the cars. When the boy kicked off he was told by the other boy's mother he was unkind and not sharing but they were his cars, he was playing happily and the other boy just took them off him. I always think of it when hearing things like your op.
Kids need to be taught to share when apprpriate.
But that wasn't appropriate it was your dd's scooter and a stranger should not just help themselves to it, ok the little one was too young to understand that but the other mum should never have let him touch it. I would not see that as a lesson in sharing, a lesson in sharing is letting a friend have a go or learning that communal toys at nursery can be played with by anyone. If the mum had approached you and asked first then fine but there are often bikes and scooters leaning up against railings at parks... They are not a free for all!
The other mother has taught her child that he can 'borrow' what he likes and if the owner doesn't like it is because they can't share.
The mother should have made him ask, or asked on his behalf, and if the answer was 'No' explained that he couldn't have it because it wasn't his.
Or at least that would be what I would do if a child I was in charge of tried to 'borrow' another child's scooter.
If it was a friend then she should have shared but not in this situation. The mum shouldn't have let him touch it or at very least asked. I have a 2 year old and she always wants to run off with scooters and things when at the park but she's not allowed.
Her child is a thief
If I were you I would have held onto the scooter after the first incident.
She shouldn't have let him take it a second time. She is being very familiar and grabby.
Timeforabiscuit are you me?
I said that, many years ago, to a spritely young lady who kept hopping on to my nephews skateboard, every time he fell off the damn thing!
DN: Bump "Ouch"
DN: "My board.."
SYLs mum: "SYL bring it back now"
Repeat 4 or 5 times
Me: "Oh, SYL, if you are a good girl Father Christmas will bring you a skateboard all of your very own"
SYLs mum: Dagger looks "SYL, we're going home now"
SYL "Have I beeng a good girl mummy? Have I, Have I..."
My boy (14 months) is an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE to keep away from unattended scooters in the park, so I've got a bit of sympathy for the other mum. Sometimes you just want to be able to let your child play, you know? You were kind to tell your daughter to let him play. That said, I never let my boy grab and play with another child's toys. So your husband was right about the other mum being way ruder than your DD. I'd just shrug it off and maybe talk a bit about sharing and asking first. Sometimes no one is all right or all wrong!
See I bloody knew at the time that forcing her to share was wrong, it just felt wrong! I was really embarrassed because the park was packed and dd was creating i just felt under pressure to do the decent thing and make her share because this Mum wasn't stopping her kid.
I feel bad for dd now, she even said sorry for not sharing when we got home to make me feel worse!
At the time I was wishing she would take her kid away but I'm so shit at confrontation, I wish I had stood up for dd and just said that it was her scooter so could he leave it alone but I didn't!
Kids share school toys and kids share their own toys with invited kids at play dates. That is totally different to just using something that belongs to a stranger. DH is right and the park women needs to get a grip on her kids.
I'd be holding onto the scooter from now on, carry it from slide to swings, it's your dd's.
Your dd did nothing wrong. Sharing doesn't apply in this situation - if you were reading a book in a public place and put it down would it be reasonable for a stranger to come along and take it?
It's important to teach children to share where it's appropriate, but it's also important to be their advocate and teach them to stand up for themselves when someone is taking advantage. This was one of those situations.
Other mum is being ridiculous. Would it be oaky for me to take someone else's bike from the bike rack at the train station because they 'need to share'. I wouldn't let my dc's help themselves to anyone else's stuff in a public place. I can't believe her cheek!? She's not doing her dc any favours.
Omg that's so out of order! Someone seriously thinks her kids can just pick up another child's scooter and ride it around.
I would have not expected my dd to put up with that and I would have kept hold of it for her.
Your poor little girl.
And what a cow the other mum is for saying that about sharing.
My dd took a bucket and spade to a beach type play area and other kids were grabbing it as soon as she put it down. We had to write her name on it eventually and I ended up sitting with her guarding it
Could you buy a bike/scooter lock and chain the scooter to the railings?
Bless your DD, she sounds like a good kid. She shouldn't have had to share. Yes, it's nice but after letting the boy have one go, that was enough. He was distressing her and the other mum should have put a stop to it. She was at fault, not you or DD,
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