Baby clothes hand me downs...(33 Posts)
DP keeps telling friends we want their used baby clothes....I don't! This is our first baby, we can afford clothes & already have a lot in...
AIBU or totally spoilt..?
You may not want them initially especially for your first but as they get older (or when you have subsequent children) you might find you're more appreciative of how much stuff you get through and want them when they are toddlers etc.
It is entirely up to you but don't fall out over it. Also let people know if you do accept some that you'll pass on anything that you don't need to charity (see other thread about selling some!!) and that way if there are some little gems you want to keep you'll be able to.
Not baby clothes (you will get given lots of lovely new clothes anyway) but bin bags of clothes for older children are awesome as they grow so quickly!
When you start weaning, spare clothes that you're not bothered about are great. No matter how good the bib (and how you choose to wean), it gets EVERYWHERE!
babies leak from everywhere and having a load of spare clothes that could essentially be disposable can be a godsend! accept your friend's generosity and use the clothes as back up...guaranteed you're going to need them, lol.....
When I had my first child I turned my nose up at hand me downs
I have 3 kids I am now more than happy to take them 😁
I don't like the thought of my baby wearing clothes that other babies have pooed on, weed, dribbled, been sick on etc. I know you can wash them but it's not the same as new. I buy all his clothes new (mainly Next/M&S) and find they are fairly worn, faded and stained by time he grows out of them, knees worn from crawling etc. And most of the vests have stained bits from nappy leaks. Anything in good condition I keep for next baby so I don't feel it's wasteful to buy new.
I know how you feel. We have a small place and I don't want to be drowning in baby clothes etc. I do think the point about having spares is a good one though...
YANBU. I had stuff given to me by my sister in law who had got it from my other sister in law so it had been through 4 boys before it got to me. It was all horrible sludge colours as well. In the end I just said , thank you and its nice of you but we're not doing second hand clothes for him. We're only having one little one so I want to dress him in our choices not someone else's. And you can buy such reasonable clothes in H and M and Sainsbury's for nursery it doesn't have to cost the earth. I recently sold a lot of clothes he'd grown out of at the NCT sale and made £92.
It's hard to say no sometimes but when baby is a couple of months old trust me you will be glad of the spare clothes, they go through them so fast and once hey start crawling prepare for the knees on most pants to be pretty worn. These clothes would be great for just a round the house , maybe just say yes and sort through them keep what you want and give what you don't to charity. That's what I did as we were bombarded with hand me downs with our first baby I just sorted through them and kept what thought was reasonable and some stuff for around the house and just give away what you don't like or need. Baby will be mostly in baby fro's for first couple of weeks anyway which I always prefer to buy new. But that's just me
Bit daft to buy a lot in - they grow so very quickly at first, and you don't know how big they will be born. Also, you tend to find people buy the baby something to wear as a gift when they are born, so, yes, you are being wasteful, however - if you have plenty of money - it is totally within your rights to be wasteful on that, as all of us are wasteful on our own little luxuries because we choose to treat ourselves in that way. In last week on here I can think of threads about using a tumble drier when it's not raining, about buying coffees from coffee shops, and about spending £££ on having a haircut. What is wasteful to one person is a treat to another.
I'm only just buying clothes now and my son is three. I was totally delighted with the hand me downs I got. I can understand you point of view however and brands like NEXT and GAP have excellent resale value.
My children have mostly worn a mixture of hand me downs, new clothes and eBay purchases and often it is difficult to tell the difference so whilst I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable - I think you are being bit daft.
I do understand the first baby thing though, particularly if you had very little growing up. With my first I was a bit obsessive about him having new and often the most expensive because I was making up for what I didn't have.
Even now , despite the fact that they wear a mixture of new and second hand I still like them to look smart and can be a bit obsessional about it
In my experience Next clothes don't sell that well anymore.
We have three families passing on stuff to us, and, yes, we can easily afford to buy our own but hand me downs are brilliant- means I only wash baby stuff once a week and we've saved a fortune - which means more money to be saved for DD's future.
They get through at least five sizes in the first year. Even buying from the cheap places that does add up and it might not seem much at the time with £10 here and there but we must have saved loads already. Babies couldn't care less what they wear and I'd rather save the money for her future.
We always choose and buy her one outfit in each size but otherwise everything is secondhand. My friends know I pass on anything we don't use to baby charity or other friends. When a bag of clothes comes in I sort through and anything we really don't like goes into charity pile. Wash everything else (so it smells of our detergent) and then put into those shrinkable vacuum bags sorted by size and store in loft.
It's particularly good for things like swimwear when you're not sure how much use they'll get. The 3-6m swimsuit only got used 3 times so would have been a waste of money buying it. We've also saved a fortune with secondhand sleeping bags!
Totally agree with Daisies123. It's not about 'not being able to afford' clothes for your baby, but if you don't spend it on clothes, you can put it into their 'driving lesson fund' or 'university fund' or buy them some premium bonds or something, which they will appreciate, unlike having 'new' clothes which nobody but you will know any different from them wearing hand-me-downs.
Thanks for everyone's opinions!
I think my main issue is actually having space to store everything that people are giving us. And also handling the guilt of not using stuff/feeling pressured to use others things.
This is our first baby, a very long awaited child & choosing clothes to our own style is part of the excitement! I would definitely intend to keep keep any of these clothes for any subsequent children we may have.
I have decided to tell friends/family that we have enough new baby clothes to need hand me downs, but might really appreciate clothes for when they are a bit older...this way I can have the fun of dressing our baby how we choose & I don't have to worry about storing unwanted items!!
I was a bit the same.
We got loads and loads of hand me down from SIL's and friends. We still do, boxes and boxes of clothes. Most I keep, some I donate.
But when you start buying stuff for baby your realise how it adds up. Pair of shoes, £40. Hat, a fiver etc.
Unless you're very well off I'd accept with grace.
Not totally spoilt
I've not long had my first baby and I didn't want clothes from people as DD is my first baby and I wanted to go shopping for all the sweet things. So I politely declined offers of clothes. We could afford to buy what I wanted so why not
You could use the hand-me-downs for around the house and use the new clothes that you've bought for when you go out.
DM's friend's DD gave us a huge bag of clothes when DS was born with all sorts of stuff up to age 2, plus some friends gave us a few hand me downs. when we got it I was grateful for the gesture but a bit because like you I thought it'd be nice to have new stuff. Fast forward to 6 months old when DS started growing out of all the cute little things we bought when I was pregnant (before minimal maternity pay) and I was so glad of all the hand me downs! They grow so fast that if you want new clothes you'll spend a fortune to keep up and they're barely in them for long, plus they get through so many with nappy leaks, vomit and messy dinners! And because they're barely in stuff for long most of the seconds are still in great condition, any that wasn't so good I put in the local clothing recycling bin. DM has just said that her friend's DD is having another sort and do we want some stuff and this time I'm like 'yes please'!
You can do both!
DH's friend had a son almost exactly one year older than DS (so the clothes were the right season) and fortunately has similar tastes to me when it comes to baby clothes. We are so grateful for their hand-me-downs. But that doesn't mean I didn't buy stuff for DS too - in fact I was able to buy more because the 'boring' stuff like vests, babygros etc (when younger) were taken care of so I could just buy cute tops or a hat I really liked without having to worry about the essentials.
We borrowed all the newborn size stuff from a work colleague and I'm very glad we did as DD only wore newborn size for three weeks before growing out of it.
Also, getting them into outfits when they're small is a right pain. DD is now ten months and has only really worn outfits since the 6-9m size. A few people gave us gifts of cute outfits but they were such a pain to get on her that she literally wore them once for a photo and that was it. Packs of babygros and vests were most useful!
Also, it's surprising how much stuff adds up. I thought we were doing quite well financially with the stuff we bought before the baby was born, plus we're reasonably well off. But once you're in the unpaid part of maternity leave, paying £1000+ deposit for nursery plus looking at quarter of your (combined) take home pay going on childcare once you're back at work, then find out the cost of children's shoes and how often they grow out of them and suddenly money becomes a lot more important. (children's shoes are one thing I'm not prepared to have secondhand as they get moulded to a particular child's foot).
I know exactly how you feel, but we had so many hand me downs and saved an absolute fortune.
It's not a bad idea to buy good quality because you can sell them on. I don't know about Next and M&S, but Jojo Maman Bèbè clothes have good resale value. John Lewis also have very good quality clothes - IME.
If money is no problem for you, then of course stick to buying your own and choosing your baby's clothes.
Most of the clothes we were given were much better than anything I could ever dream of affording (Petit Bateau etc) so it was a win win for us.
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