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to want to keep my "new life" private and secret?

(144 Posts)
FionaGatwick Thu 27-Oct-16 10:35:46

I moved to another country almost three years ago, and have so far managed to keep what I've been doing to myself and a few friends from my "past" life.

One of my friends from my past life (not among the few mentioned above) is coming over for a work thing and asking to meet up.

I am very busy because it's exam season (I went back to school) and while I have agreed to a dinner, it seems she wants me to take her around, which I cannot do.

What do I tell her?

Chottie Thu 27-Oct-16 10:38:17

Just tell her truth, you are very busy and unable to get any time off. Give her a guidebook and some recommendations and she can go round herself.

user1477282676 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:39:04

By "take her around" do you mean she wants you to show her the sights?

Not sure what that's got to do with you wanting to keep your new life secret


squoosh Thu 27-Oct-16 10:39:51

What exactly is it you have going on that needs to stay secret?

ImperialBlether Thu 27-Oct-16 10:41:39

So you went to live abroad and you want to keep your life there private from the people you left behind? And someone is coming over who you don't want to meet? Are you worried she'll tell all the others you left behind what you're doing now? Take photos etc? If that's the case you don't have to meet her. Tell her you'll be at a meeting away from home. Or just say you can't make it. How is she in touch with you if you've cut yourself off?

NightNightBadger19962 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:43:03

Cancel, it sounds like you want to break ties.

MorrisZapp Thu 27-Oct-16 10:43:08

Tell her you're too busy.

ItsJustNotRight Thu 27-Oct-16 10:44:14

I'd arrange to be away for work during the period she is visiting.

Lorelei76 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:47:48

good grief OP what is the dilemma? Tell her you are too busy with work.

Lorelei76 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:48:16

or even tell her you don't want to!

ItShouldHaveBeenJess Thu 27-Oct-16 11:01:38

Why 'private' and 'secret'?! I'm intrigued. Are you a spy, OP?

RebeccaCloud9 Thu 27-Oct-16 11:04:49

Intrigued... Have you 'gone back to school' in the sense of 21 jump street or never been kissed?!

FionaGatwick Thu 27-Oct-16 11:09:33

No, just I prefer to keep my "new life" private. I changed careers, and people from home (including this person) can be judgmental.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess Thu 27-Oct-16 11:12:11

Well, we all have the right to do that - and if you feel she will be judgemental or gossipy, then seriously decline her suggestion. I would just go with being very, very busy. If she takes offence, no matter because she doesn't sound like either a close or particularly pleasant friend.

c3pu Thu 27-Oct-16 11:13:05

Tell her thanks for thinking of you but you can't get the time off to meet up.

CheerfulYank Thu 27-Oct-16 11:17:30




user1477282676 Thu 27-Oct-16 11:18:54

Well if you want to cut ties, do it properly and tell them you don't want to meet.

FionaGatwick Thu 27-Oct-16 11:23:35

No, I have not cut everyone from home off. We are connected through FB and talk from time to time. I just do not share with them what I'm doing now.

I used to share my life a lot with people. I just realised I don't want to do that anymore, and have not since I moved here.

Bountybarsyuk Thu 27-Oct-16 11:27:06

Don't meet up with her and be all evasive and strange and not answer questions, what's the point in that?

Either you are happy to welcome her into your new life and have an ongoing friendship, or you aren't, in which case make an excuse that you can't make that night.

If you don't want to share, that's your perogative, just move on from this fully.

Confutatis Thu 27-Oct-16 11:27:43

From what you have said, when you meet up for dinner (if...) you will face a seriously invasive conversation. Three years is a lot to catch up on (in her mind). If she is on a work do, her availability should be limited so I'd be finding reasons not to be available...

roundaboutthetown Thu 27-Oct-16 11:29:22

? If you're not ashamed of what you do, I fail to understand the problem. So what if your "friends" can be judgmental twats? They either aren't worthwhile friends or they'll get over it. Being secretive about it and trying to hide it from someone who is supposed to be a friend and who is coming over to visit you is just weird, imo.

MatildaTheCat Thu 27-Oct-16 11:30:54

I would say that during the day I am busy working and then take a view on meeting up for dinner one evening. It's not very hard to steer the conversation away from yourself IME. You can answer any personal questions with quite general answers. I find many people will talk about themselves if encouraged and you can ask after mutual friends from home.

She is probably hoping for some tips about what to do in your area.

myownprivateidaho Thu 27-Oct-16 11:31:29

I agree that you're not going to be able to meet up with this person and not tell her anything about your life (unless you either lie or actually say you are not going to tell her anything!). As for taking her round, it's no different to any other thing you've been asked to do and don't want to - tell her you can't make it.

AliceInUnderpants Thu 27-Oct-16 11:32:15

Is this the same person you referred to as "self-righteous, judgmental, and boastful" in another very similar thread a couple of days ago?

acornsandnuts Thu 27-Oct-16 11:34:46

You sound like my mum, she thinks everyone and his friend have nothing better to do than talk about her. People really don't give a shiny shit how you spend your time they have busy lives of their own.

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