To refuse baby clothes loan...

(40 Posts)
UpDown Thu 27-Oct-16 09:18:53

I live in an area with very affluent pockets, and have some very high earning friends. Had this situation a few times...

Friend sees baby needs new items of clothing, has beautiful designer items and brings them for me to borrow. Seriously expensive stuff, looks unworn despite their child using it. It's a loan, for as long as o need the items. However I think I have caused offence with new friend, her sister popped by with items for me (out the blue having seen need) and I politely said thank you but gave them back. Explained I was nervous about losing or marking items. I didn't want to keep them safe in house either, as always the risk of dh having a random clear out or passing on not knowing what it is (this once happened with reusable nappies I never used but were dropped off for ds1)

Friend is now offended as baby is in lots of other clothes from another friend. But these are cheap supermarket items that have been through multiple babies and I can do as I wish with. I'm not one to fuss if they are the wrong gender frankly. Baby doesn't care.

Surely no one accepts loans of baby clothes, however good the intent or beautiful the items are, as it's a quick recipe for a fallout when the toddler rips/ marks them or you leave outer layers in a playgroup....? Or am I miserable

AppleJac Thu 27-Oct-16 09:21:04

I agree I would of given them back too.

When you explained why surely they understood?

UpDown Thu 27-Oct-16 09:23:22

I think the expectation was I could use for best or keep aside for special use, rather than hand back ungratefully... but I don't want to have liability for looking after high value goods!

usual Thu 27-Oct-16 09:24:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Note3 Thu 27-Oct-16 09:24:51

I agree...with my children I borrowed baby equipment (easy to keep clean and safe and to identify for returning). I gladly accepted clothed I didn't need to return as like you say didn't need to worry about inevitable ruining or causing bobbling and bags of clothes would get difficult to keep track on who's is who's.

user1477282676 Thu 27-Oct-16 09:25:02

YANBU! I can't be doing with this seemingly new trend of borrowing and lending baby clothes!

They're baby clothes! They get covered in puke and poo...it's inevitable!

People should either pass down or not bother.

UpDown Thu 27-Oct-16 09:29:45

I can see why they might rather sell, we are talking over £100 for an item for one bit... but I don't want to make it unsellable. I'm lucky in that after 4 children I am drowning in friends hand me downs

UpDown Thu 27-Oct-16 09:31:36

I seem to know people also who can keep baby clothes pristine, I'm also in the puke and poo zone thought

AliceInHinterland Thu 27-Oct-16 09:35:03

I hate borrowing anything, YANBU.

Pootles2010 Thu 27-Oct-16 09:37:46

Have you told them about dh's tenancies?

Pootles2010 Thu 27-Oct-16 09:38:50

Tendancies obviously! No idea about any tennants dh may have!

PoppyBirdOnAWire Thu 27-Oct-16 09:45:05

You don't need to explain. They are playing Ladies Bountiful. Tough if not everyone accepts gratefully and humbly.

Topsy44 Thu 27-Oct-16 09:50:29

YANBU. I think borrowing anything from a friend is risky business.

megletthesecond Thu 27-Oct-16 09:52:58

Yanbu. I wouldn't want the responsibility of keeping them in excellent condition.

JosephineMaynard Thu 27-Oct-16 10:00:27

YANBU.

I've done the borrowing baby clothes thing before, and it's a right PITA trying to make sure they stay in decent condition and to keep track of what bits are to go back. Also a PITA finding somewhere separate to store them if you are "keeping them for best". And that's without a DH who has random clearouts of baby clothes.

I wouldn't borrow baby clothes again. Baby clothes that the giver doesn't want back are an entirely different story.

RattieOfCatan Thu 27-Oct-16 10:02:01

YANBU. I'd turn down 'loan' offers too, firstly, how on earth do you keep them from staining accidentally?! And secondly, you then have to ensure that they're kept separate/you remember what belongs to whom and so on. Sod that, it's hard enough dealing with the onslaught of laundry! Even if you keep them for special occasions, it means storing them somewhere and waiting for those special occasions, which takes space from other things.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 27-Oct-16 10:02:32

I'm a bit perplexed about your friends "seeing baby needs new items of clothing".

Are they looking at your baby and judging the standard of its clothing, then rushing in with designer baby wear to save you the humiliation of taking your baby out in its normal clothes?

blueturtle6 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:06:13

They are being unreasonable to loan, if they don't want any more sell or donate.
You don't want to be worried about want feeding toddler in case it stains.

LumpySpacedPrincess Thu 27-Oct-16 10:07:35

Your friend put you in a very awkward position. I've never heard of lending anyone baby clothes, either give away, keep or sell.

Maraschinocherry Thu 27-Oct-16 10:09:59

YANBU I absolutely hate that. If you want to give me clothes, that's very generous (I might get rid of the ones I dislike anyway). Otherwise, no I don't want them, I'll just keep them in a cupboard and would not wear them!

I had clothes that went back and forth between sisters, but there was no expectation, it was just convenience: I've finished with them, you now have a baby, here's a box full of stuff. I never had "clothes for best" for babies anyway. I might have an outfit kept until a wedding for the elder ones, but after the event, wear it when you fancy. What's the point of keeping clothes when they grow up so fast.

To be fair, I find that all the clothes can be kept in pretty much new condition until they start nursery or preschool, but that's not the point.

DrunkenMissOrderly Thu 27-Oct-16 10:13:17

Oh sod that, I want baby clothes that I can bin if they are too puked or shat on for me to care about enough to scrub. No way would I borrow posh stuff. And what's with lending clothes anyway, if they don't want to give them away, they should just keep them. God!

S1lentAllTheseYears Thu 27-Oct-16 10:13:35

Yanbu.

Friend loaned me a bag of basic stuff which I used for DS1 and then returned to her, plus extras when she had her DC2 but, at the time, I was totally anal about baby clothes and found it easy to remember which bits were hers, plus I don't think she would have been too worried if the odd thing hadn't gone back.

Expensive stuff - no.

CheerfulYank Thu 27-Oct-16 10:13:53

YANBU.

My friends and I do occasionally "lend" baby clothes but it's with the agreement that the person "borrowing" them is not to take any special precautions with them whatsoever. If they survive, great, we'll take them back if we need them. If they don't, hey ho.

furryminkymoo Thu 27-Oct-16 10:18:03

I was confused about this too, I had a friend ask to borrow new born stuff but knowing that I was trying for number 2, the attitude was I would get them back.

I recall that the newborn days are manic with soooo many poonarmi's and hundreds of washing cycles, I wouldn't expect her to be able to pick out what I lent her and return to me a year later or expect it to be in a great condition, so I didn't lend my things out and said I was keeping them for number 2.

She wasn't short on baby clothes or money so I was puzzled. I made sure that I gave lots of baby clothes as a gift when her DS came along.

biggles50 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:20:18

Yes I agree with lumpy lending comes with an expectation that goods are returned in good condition. It's easier to give. Could you smooth it over op with the person? Just a sort of hope you didn't think I was being rude but the clothes are just so nice, I'd hate to return them damaged or stained, besides dh is always chucking stuff out, I'd be stressed trying to protect the clothes. That I think is the crux of the matter you didn't want to become an unwilling guardian of designer clothes.

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