AIBU to think ExH is BU?(172 Posts)
ExH's circus of child arrangement proceedings came to town again today... He filed papers for domestic abuse. (So did I by the way)
AIBU in thinking these are stupid reasons for not allowing proper contact with my DS?
*A few times over the years I put DS to bed in daytime clothes
*A few times 2 years ago I gave 'inappropriate school lunch' for DS (porridge with grated apple)
*my sanitary bin sometimes 'overflows' with sanitary towels because it doesn't have a lid (yes, XH took pictures of this for the social services and court)
*once I left broken glass in the bath for 2 weeks because the bathroom light broke - NB at this point XH was not allowing me proper contact with DS anyway and I personally don't take baths, only showers
*apparently I told DS that if I don't see him anymore I'll move to France (a flippant comment made re English weather)
*&oh and apparently I used to 'pull funny faces at XH and say things in a childlike manner like having a tantrum and point my finger in his face as if trying to antagonise a reaction'
anyway, I'm the worst mum in the world in the eyes of XH and deserve no more than minimal contact with DS according to XH's statements to court...
AIBU in thinking he's the one being unreasonable here? (There are some slightly more severe allegations too but they're IMO so clearly manipulated / outright lies that I'm not mentioning them here, it's more this kind of petty stuff that is sort-of-true that XH feels is crucial for the Judge to hear and that he keeps listing ad infinitum whenever he gets the opportunity)
Sorry but the things listed dont sound brilliant. Especially the broken glass for 2 weeks.
Sanitary bin not really a problem as such but i can imagine smelly and unpleasant to look at.
Bed in day time clothes ix not a biggy if its not regular.
Porridge for lunch.....was their s reason? .
How does hour ex know so much about your home life?
How long as he had DS?
@dontpanic it doesn't sound like it Re "minimal contact"
A couple of the listed 'stupid' reasons are kind of questionable but it may be the more serious allegations you need to worry about.
Its difficult to tell if he is being U.
Were these listed in the papers? How old is your DS?
I think YABU
Why have you left the "sanitary" bin to overflow. That is disgusting. Takes 5 mins tops to empty (this coming from someone who lives towards the top of a tower black). Same with the glass. Why was it just left?
Telling a child you'll move to France may be flippant to you but it may have caised your DS to feel upset. Especially if his contact with you is all over the place anyway
Sorry yes Every
Probably need more background op
Emptying a bin and clearing up broken glass would take a couple of minutes to do. I don't know how your ex knows of this, but why give someone that kind of ammunition to use against you?
Thanks for replies. DS is 9. Lives mainly with Xh since XH refused to let me on plane back to UK 2 years ago (I flew back the following day).
I have asperger's syndrome and am quite naive - I have volunteered information to XH when I thought we were getting along. Also, he came round to mine a few times so saw the bin and took photos.
Does nobody else use 'open bins' in their bathroom, like ones without lids? I bought a lid for £1 from the cornershop when I was getting my flat ready after moving out of family home...
Glass in bathtub... As I said before, I didn't find the urgent need to tidy it up for 2 weeks because nobody was having baths... My DS was not staying with me on his bath days (assigned by XH) and I was having showers only. Thinking about it, it may have been just one week as I surely do not go to the gym that often and it was just before I got together with DP so I couldn't have had showers at his either, and I certainly can't go a week without showering!)
Doesn't sound like a particularly clean or safe environment for a child to be in.
Also re Nelly, you're right, I did in fact realise my comment was stupid and explained to DS immediately afterwards that I would never leave him of course. And I brought it up another time as well just to make it really clear. I guess I just wondered whether DS cared that I'm around at all. XH has tried to convince everyone (me, the courts, DS's legal guardian etc) that DS does not want to see me more than 1 overnight a week. At that point, I had started to have serious doubts in whether DS actually needed me at all... Things have changed a bit since then, fortunately - the guardian's recent report showed a strong bond between DS and myself. It's just been hard when XH is so adamant in obstructing any kind of normal contact that we had both agreed on after separating.
Thanks all for your judgements! It's a fresh thing after I got so much support from the relationship section regarding my DA ExH.
This helps me understand why so many school mums has sided with him!
Doesn't sound like a safe environment? Seriously? Please inform me of the grave dangers I have thus put my DS in. I'm listening.
You left glass in the bath for a week! An overflowing open bin of dirty sanitary products.. Come on!
I don't understand the glass in the tub. Do you not stand in the tub when you shower? Or do you have a separate shower stall? Either way, I can't imagine not cleaning glass up immediately.
Thanks Crispbutty - yes, I'm not perfect - so?
Please can you spell out what the danger was leaving glass in an unused bathtub? And how do others deal with sanitary products - do they all have bins with lids or what?
Why would you not clear broken glass away immediately?
Thanks Steff. When the bathroom light broke the whole flat went dark. I had to wait until next day to ask a friend to help turn the switch back on. I was unable to get rid of the glass properly in the dark, so I put it all in the bathtub because if I had started to put it in a bin bag I might have cut myself, not seeing properly - does that make sense?
Yes I do stand in tub when I shower, my point was I showered at the gym so didn't have urgent need to clean tub.
You would empty the bin daily. It's disgusting to leave it to overflow. You would clear up broken glass immediately. I don't believe you can't see this.
ie when the light broke, me and DS were just leaving the flat. When I came back, it was dark, and I cleaned the bathroom floor only using a torch. I cleared all the glass into the bathtub. It was hard to see anything - heck, glass is hard to see even in light - so I decided to put it all in the tub instead of trying to put it in a bin bag, where it might break the bag off a bit and hurt me... I then forgot it in the tub because I didn't need to use it for a week or two - possibly just a week now I think about it re needing to shower and not being an eager gym-ist. Maybe it was 2 weeks- back then I was regularly visiting old marital home so I used to have baths and showers there (much nicer bathtub there)
Well, you did ask. And maybe one or two things might not seem so bad but as a whole they sound pretty poor. Not sure what you mean by putting ds to bed in daytime clothes, I take it you mean a tshirt and pants maybe, not the clothes he was wearing that day?
I can't imagine thinking it was okay to leave broken glass around. It's an odd mindset. For sanitary products, I have a bin with a lid but also use little baggies that you can get from boots. Leaving dirty sanitary products out in the open smells awful and is really unhygienic. These examples don't paint a very good picture of what you consider to be an acceptable space to live in. No one's perfect but these things are going too far IMO.
Thanks Crispbutty. However, can you answer my question - what is the danger I put my DS in? Apart from giving ammunition for his dad and other judgemental people to use against me
My bathroom trash cans do have lids, yes, but I empty them every week ago they would never be overflowing.
The glass thing, maybe consider that the fact you don't consider it an issue is the issue. Most people would clean it up immediately.
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