To tell DP he can't spend car money on a tractor?!

[Georgeofthejungle]

So I come home tonight and DP announces he is putting a tow bar on his van so no longer needs his car. We have a Family car (which ultimately I paid for) and he has his van (for his work). We don't use his car as its a banged up old thing, but a bit of a classic so worth maybe 2/3k.

Anyways - he says he can now sell it and is thinking he's going to buy a tractor. We have a patch of land but nothing that would warrant the need for a tractor (not at least at the moment as its let). I told him we are not in a position to be spending that kind of money on something we don't really need and listed about 10 things needing done in the house. I also reminded him (nicely) where he is happy to 'get by' (e.g. Put up with putrid hell carpet), I am not and don't want to live like that. And pointed out that when we sold my car the money went on a family car for us to use, and that we don't have a high amount of disposable income at the moment (mat pay finished, me not really working, baby).

Obviously unimpressed he's not said much in response.. I then said I'd make a deal with him and if he sold the car that he could keep half the money and the other half would go on the house. He said 'I'll think about it'and went to sleep.

I think my offer is more than fair and I am not being unreasonable. Thoughts?

[Georgeofthejungle]

Hall carpet!

[HappenedForAReisling]

We have a tractor (two actually!) so I'm probably not the right person to ask

We use it a lot but we didn't get it at the expense of other, more important things.

I think the fact it's a tractor is irrelevant. It sounds like it's something HE wants for HIM and is putting his wants above his family's needs.

Or, simply put, YANBU.

[rollonthesummer]

Do you not need a family car?

[oneoldmare]

Not at all helpful but I've always wanted a tractor!
We do not have any land or any money but I'd still want one!

[butterfliesandzebras]

when we sold my car the money went on a family car for us

If when your car was sold the money was family money, then the same should apply when his car is sold.

[angeldiver]

We need a tractor, they (can) cost less than you expect to get for your car.
Can he give you the excess to spend as you wish?

[BouleBaker]

A tractor in your situation is a luxury. It sounds as though the hints needed for the house are not luxuries. It seems as though he thinks your money goes on essentials and his goes on his toys.

[MaitlandGirl]

Could he get a ride on lawnmower as a compromise? Or is the block too big for that?

[positivity123]

Why would you compromise? If you need stuff for the house then that is the priority. Why should he keep half to squander?

[bluechameleon]

If proceeds of your car were family money then so should the proceeds of his car be. A putrid hell carpet definitely needs sorting ASAP
You've made the offer of the deal so too late to retract it, but I don't see why half of it should be spent on a luxury that you won't all enjoy when money is tight.

[ChuckBiscuits]

What will the tractor be for? [I know what a tractor is usually for, just if your land is let, why would you need one?]

[Booboostwo]

What does he imagine he will be using the tractor for? In my experience tractors are very expensive and when their prices drop they are very, very old and need someone who is very hands on mechanically to keep them going. Also they come with variations, e.g, front loaders, fixed mounts (in older models), three point hitches, hydraulics,etc. A modern tractor will be able to do anything but the kind of tractor you'd be able to get 100th hand may well be limited so he needs to know what he wants to do with it.

If he just wants to cut grass it may be far more practical to get a neighboring farmer to clear the field and then keep on top of it with a ride on lawnmower.

However, you seem to have a more fundamental point about how you manage household finances. Why didn't he come to you in the first place so that you could both decide on how to spend this money? Why isn't it considered household money to be spent on household expenses? You can then discuss what is more urgent in terms of household needs but the way you present it is as if he sees this as his money to do with as he pleases.

[TheNaze73]

The old tractor dilemma, it's happened to us all OP.

I'd dig my heels in, on this one

[whifflesqueak]

I feel for you op.

my dp once ploughed the garden. I assume this was an effort to justify his heap of decaying tractors.

came in all accomplished and covered in mud. like he had mowed the lawn.

but no. he had ploughed it.

sigh.

[Tuiles]

I let DH indulge in his old tractor phase, but we were fortunate that it wasn't at the expense of other stuff. And we do have land that needs occasional topping etc.

[liquidrevolution]

DH is a tractor driver. Even ancient ones are a lot of money if they are worth having. Anything cheap will need lots of money spent maintaining it. We cant afford one (even though it would make contracting easier) and my DH certainly prioritises replacing old carpet over buying a new one although his collection of defenders is a mute point

Unless you forgot to mention your DH is a mechanic specialising in tractors?

[whifflesqueak]

I never knew there were so many of us. we should start a support group.

[Georgeofthejungle]

Thank you for your replies! I knew I wasn't bu!!

To answer some questions:

No he isn't a tractor mechanic.
I have no idea what the tractor would be used for! He did say about a front loader but really it is unnecessary just now! He has a ride on mower but the field is too big for that - 7.5 acres. But as I mentioned it's let so it's not our concern at the mo!
I'd imagine the tractor will cost as much as we'd get for the car. But yes, it would have to be a pretty old one.

I will approach the subject with him tomorrow. :)