No rent no food

[Voiceoffstage]

My son is 20. He qualified as a chef 2 years ago, took a 'zero hours' job at a well known American fast food outlet within 10 mins walk of our house as a 'just for now' job while he looked for his first chef job.

Good for him - I was so proud of him not being too proud to flip burgers until he found the right job!

Won't go into my concerns about him becoming 'stuck'! The observant of you will see it in the subtext of my post

Anyway, he's on very short hours at the moment - only earned £22.53 in the last 2 weeks. He's applied for a 2nd chef job in a picturesque village pub with a good reputation for it's food. He had a trial this weekend, they made positive remarks, he was supposed to hear today, but, ironically, his employer has found lots of night work (extra pay) for him this week(!) so I haven't spoken to him today.

My beef is, well done to my DS, but, he really needs to apply for more than one job at a time - there is a fantastic opportunity for a trainee chef in a local luxury hotel that's part of a small chain with good opportunities for progression within the group.

OK, I'm rambling.....

He's supposed to give me £50 per week 'rent' and £50 per week for his £200pcm car insurance that I'm paying since his pay is so irregular. This month I've had the £200 car insurance from him, but he's not been able to pay me any 'rent'.

So, this week I've been eating lunch in the work canteen (yeah, I know I'm lucky - , but it looks like it will be replaced with a machine in April) and buying myself a bag of prepared salad, potato to bake etc on my way home for my tea. Funnily enough any fruit that I buy remains untouched!

Yesterday my son commented that there was no food in the house. I explained that I use his rent to buy the food, and since I'd had no rent for 4 weeks, I couldn't afford food.

Admittedly he said 'Fair enough - no rent, no food'.

Now I'm wondering if AIBU?

[yesterdaysunshine]

Well, if you haven't got the money then you haven't got the money I guess.

[TallulahTheTiger]

Sorry if this sounds mean, but am concerned that youre so reliant on his money to be able to eat, if he does get a new job and moves out- how will you manage then, or Is this Something without which he wouldn't give you money?!

[Shinyshoes2]

I think you're being a little harsh

[SheldonCRules]

Down to you, I can't ever imagine buying food for myself and not my child regardless of their age.

He may have to get rid of the car and look for work within walking distance as he needs to eat if you aren't providing for him.

[SecretNutellaFix]

So he has only worked 3 1/2 hours in the past 2 weeks?

[FlouncingIntoAutumn]

Why is he running a car with a £200 pcm payment for insurance when his non paying job is a 10min walk away?

[Showmetheminstrels]

Jeez. So he took whatever work he could find in a vaguely related field, has worked whatever hours they've had for him including antisocial ones, has applied and had an interview for something better, you work somewhere with a presumably subsidised canteen and you're not prepared to get a few cans of beans in for him?

Fuck me. I'm just going to ring my Mum and thank her for all the help she gave me.

[Sparklesilverglitter]

Could you afford to buy some basic bread and beans at least so his had something? It's not fine dining but you know his got something to eat

From what I've heard about the zero hours contracts they are tough for an awful lot of people and who can live on £22.53 nobody can live on that for 2 weeks wage.

But yes he does need to apply for a better job and use those skills he studied for at college, as it would be a waste not too and it would improve his quality of life greatly.

[Voiceoffstage]

Actually I do earn a very good salary and can afford it. However my argument is he's 20, he a grown up now & £50 per week is ALOT less than he would have to pay if he rented a flat. I want him to become responsible & not rely on 'Mummy' to pay for him.

I forgot to mention that I pay his phone bill - at the moment, I've said that he takes that over when the contract ends in Jan.

When I was 20 I was living in a rented flat in London, working & paying my way.

[technically]

Is he going hungry then?
Are you doing this to make him realise that he needs to find a better job?

[Hamiltoes]

I don't think you are.

He is 20 years old, a grown man. If he hasn't got the idea by now that without money, you can't pay for things, then he probably never will.

And i guess by your post you do actually have money and this is just a life lesson. He needs to try harder.

Also, £200pcm for car insurance- that's insane! I take it he's newly qualified, but still. What is he driving?!

[donajimena]

Really? Do any of you posters have any idea what its like? I'm assuming you are a lone parent OP? when my children leave full time education they will HAVE to pay rent/board. There isn't enough in my pot to provide for additional adults out of work.

[donajimena]

Oh xpost!

[donajimena]

Well even with my xpost I guess my 'argument' still stands. Yes you CAN afford it. But if you were in my shoes you couldn't. So my children will HAVE to step up to the plate.

[user1471446905]

showmetheminstrels - if i read it correctly he qualified two years ago! Suggests he is not that motivated in his job search, prob because Mum keeps subbing him!

[SaucyJack]

Is there any food in the house at all?

Fair enough not buying fresh meat or poncy cheese, but at least have bread in.

I wouldn't see a kid of mine starve because they had no money.

[unlimiteddilutingjuice]

I think this is OK. You are gradually backing away to allow him to take responsibility for himself. I presume you would step in if he was genuinely struggling for food.

[alltouchedout]

I don't think this is kind. Fair maybe, if you take a certain approach to it- but not kind. Not warm. You can afford it but won't do it. I'd rather drop the phone bill than not fund food.

[Spam88]

It does seem a bit much...you've said he genuinely can't afford the rent this month so how is he supposed to afford food?

[SpookyPumpkin]

Zero hour contracts are a fucker for a lot of people. I work with young people 18-25 and the amount of them that have to take zero hour contracts as that's all they can get it is very sad to see. Just £22 for 2 weeks nobody can live on that

I wouldn't not buy basic food for my children. Nothing posh or special but basic stuff would always be available bread/butter/beans/potatoes beause I am there Mum and if there were earning £22 I would help a little

Yes he does need to get in to a job that he studied hard for or it really is such a waste.

When I was 20 I also lived in my own place OP, but I am afraid times have changed. Good permanent jobs are harder to come by these days, rents/buying property is higher and so on. So I think it's unfair to say oh well I managed it at 20 it's a different world today

[grannytomine]

I couldn't watch my kids go hungry. If he has no money will you literally watch him starve? I think you shouldn't have facilitated the car insurance as he clearly can't afford it so you have some responsibility here.

[grannytomine]

Good luck when he's picking your care home.

[technically]

I don't know how it's okay to pay 200pcm insurance for him and pay his mobile bill but not to buy him any food. I don't know. I don't understand the logic. Next thing you will say is he's eating at work so he's okay.

[Naicehamshop]

You earn a very good salary but you are leaving your son with no food?

Nice.

Let's hope he is not responsible for paying for your nursing home when you are elderly and struggling to look after yourself.

[Sweets101]

Yes I think you should provide some food. It's pretty basic stuff. If he's been paid £20 odd quid in 2 weeks given you £200 and applied for a new job I think you are being overly harsh.