Social Services

(93 Posts)
user1472640125 Wed 26-Oct-16 13:56:30

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice from those that are or have worked with children's social services. I will try and keep it as brief as i can.

My three step children love with their mother and we got a court order 4 years ago and have them Friday - Sunday.

The mother has mental health issues which includes anxiety and bipolar. She is on meds.

We have serious worries regarding the conditions the children are living whilst at their mothers for example -

She does not bath or wash them
The house they live in is absolutely filthy, dog mess covers back garden and is in the house which the children are made to clean up (she has nine dogs, cats).
Kids clothes do not fit and are smelly and dirty.
They do not attend school as she claims to home school them, we know that this doesn't happen.
The 7 year old has problems with his speech which she has not sought advice for
She has been violent towards the children, thrown them against walls, hitting their he's off kitchen table, screaming at them (this has been told to us by not only the children but neighbours of hers)

Before anyone comments, I'm not a bitter bitch of a step mum making up lies, or trying to make things awkward these are all factual events.

We have contacted social services last year who put something in place for a week where she had to agree to visits now and again.

Police have also visited who have made statement s to SS that children should not be living there.

I know that a number of her neighbours have reported her for various reasons including the welfare of children and one even has recordings of her screaming at the kids. Not normal screaming!

We are genuinely concerned about the environment the kids are growing up in, what else can we do? Its awful seeing the kids on a Friday so dirty and smelling to the point they have to get straight in the shower and clothes in washing machine.

I know this will be hard to believe for most of you but none of these things I have mentioned have been exaggerated they are all factual. We are banging our heads against a brick wall and when we have spoken to social services they have said that they are not high priority and don't have the staff to look into every case.

Its so frustrating and upsetting.

Vixxfacee Wed 26-Oct-16 14:00:33

If it is as bad as you say why is your dp not going to court for full custody? 4 years ago is a very long time if the kids are living in those conditions.

If it's a bad as you say what has your dp done since calling social services last year? Just speaking to SS is clearly not enough.

If it's as bad as you say how has your dp let his children be neglected and physically abused for this amount of time?

NoIsAnAnswer Wed 26-Oct-16 14:01:14

What does your dp suggest? What's his thoughts on it?

Surely he could go for full custody?

Trifleorbust Wed 26-Oct-16 14:02:33

That sounds horrific. Has your DP not attempted to win full custody?

wonderingsoul Wed 26-Oct-16 14:02:37

Personally i would keep hold of them and bot return them when you next have them. The police wont be able to so anything about it and the mother will have to go to court and youll be able to question her home life.

SaucyJack Wed 26-Oct-16 14:02:52

Is there a court order in place?

What's stopping him from not returning the children?

AyeAmarok Wed 26-Oct-16 14:05:20

I think he needs to go back to court and have the DC live with him full-time.

Why hasn't he done this already?

NoIsAnAnswer Wed 26-Oct-16 14:06:42

I don't think this will end well.....

If that is all true then why have you not done anything about it?

The father should have gone for residency.

Allowing kids to live like that is as neglectful as the treatment you claim they receive from their mother

OohMavis Wed 26-Oct-16 14:10:49

It's hard to advise before knowing what your DP has done to try to rescue his children from this situation.

user1472640125 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:13:39

For those asking why we don't have full custody, it took two long years to a court order for weekends.

We are looking into full custody at the moment but also trying to work out how to pay for the legal fees as it cost thousands last time we were at court. We would do it in a heartbeat if we had the money readily available.

My DP detests what is happening. We kept the kids here a few months back after the eldest refused to go back to his moms. She called the police and they turned up and took them back as it was over the time the court order states they are allowed to be here. Police did return and tell us that the mothers home was the worst they had ever seen and they could totally understand why we didn't want them to return. We asked them to submit a statement to SS which they did.

Since then we have attended meetings with SS, and now the caseworker has left its gone to the bottom of the pile.

What does it take to make people realise what is going on.

ChocolateForAll Wed 26-Oct-16 14:14:01

Why oh why are you and their father allowing them to return to that hell hole? It sounds absolutely horrendous and is in all likelihood damaging them for life. Surely if you stop them returning to her the courts will get involved and then you can put a case forward to keep them. Something needs to be done immediately.

PoppyPicklesPenguin Wed 26-Oct-16 14:14:27

The police can very much do something about it if the father decided to "keep" the children, if there is a court order in place depending on the age of the children at 7 then yes they can take them by force to return them to their mother.

Please get legal advise ASAP, start the court process it doesn't happen over night, unless the children are in harm (you need to prove it) it took DP five years to get full PR and a court order and his children had been living with him 100% of the time for nearly two years prior to that.

those poor children

MakeItRain Wed 26-Oct-16 14:16:50

Can you take it back to court but represent yourself?

ChocolateForAll Wed 26-Oct-16 14:17:07

Sorry just seen your post. Are the police allowed to literally drag the kids from your home? I would be hanging on to them at every opportunity and making a massive fuss. Would this not end up in a court appearance? I don't have experience of this but something has to give, here.

user1472640125 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:17:22

Can I also add that since we were last at court and awarded weekends, the conditions the children are in has worsened.

For those of you saying "well if things really were that bad" they are! No one can believe it until they see it.

You couldn't even imagine how it feels every weekend to have to let the kids go back there every Sunday night.

PoppyPicklesPenguin Wed 26-Oct-16 14:18:12

Cross posted with you their OP, it's heartbreaking a mother highly likely could refuse those children being returned a father just can't.

You have to go to court, you have to find a way even if you do it yourself.

wonderingsoul Wed 26-Oct-16 14:18:33

poppy court orders count for nothing unless they have a resident order stating they live with her.

My friend had a visting court order in place the dad kept the children. She got them back by going to court and proving her home life was better then hes. This took about a month and half.

Vixxfacee Wed 26-Oct-16 14:18:57

Then don't. If they are being neglected and abused then your dp should be trying to move mountains to protect them.

ChocolateForAll Wed 26-Oct-16 14:19:04

Is there and MP you can involve? Or a senior member of SS staff you can contact? This is so awful.

wonderingsoul Wed 26-Oct-16 14:19:24

The children was 3 and 2 at the time too.

MakeItRain Wed 26-Oct-16 14:21:10

You should also email your concerns with copies of the police comments/witness statements to as many health/education professionals as possible, asking for support (school, doctor, ss etc) You will need to fill in a report for the court asking what your concerns are and also asking you to state what you did to address these.

user1472640125 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:21:35

Yes, the police literally had to drag the children back. We cant keep them here as we would be going against the court order.

We agreed last year with the help of SS that the eldest should be attending school. The mother reluctantly agreed and he attended for a week before she took him back out. The school are also aware of the issues we are having.

I think we may need to look at representing ourselves in court.

PoppyPicklesPenguin Wed 26-Oct-16 14:23:59

wondering soul Resident order is what I was referring too, and if the police have been able to remove the children it is likely that is what she has.

user1472640125 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:24:33

We contacted our local MP when we went to court last time but it had no sway in the decision. I think I may contact the new MP and give him details of our concerns and ask him to look into to what SS are doing.

Cannot ask school as they don't attend, cannot ask doctor as she hasn't ever taken them to a doctors.

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