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Livid! To think she did this on purpose??

(278 Posts)
Bribrielliott Wed 26-Oct-16 13:33:35

Ahh I'm so annoyed! Name changed for this. So "future" mil was showing me some photos of her holiday on her phone and she carried on swiping past the holiday ones until she got to a diamond ring, then started shouting oh no I've ruined the surprise, don't tell him you have seen it, he will be so upset etc. whilst keeping the photo on!!!! I so think she has done this on purpose, we have had a rocky relationship in the past but I thought we had got over that but honestly it was so over dramatic the way she was talking and if she had just carried on swiping I wouldn't have thought anything of it!! I'm so upset that I know and that she has ruined the surprise, as I really wouldn't have expected it. Also feel sad for dp and hope I can act surprised when it happens.

ImissGrannyW Wed 26-Oct-16 13:36:45

I'd tell him you know. Don't start your marriage off on a lie (and you'll always remember you lied). And sounds like you might need him on your side in the future (eg early stages of pregnancy, perhaps?).

Congrats. flowers

Do you like the ring?

ChasingAPinkBall Wed 26-Oct-16 13:40:59

Gosh that's really spiteful of her!
I'd tell your dp. Then you don't have to act and he's aware of what she's capable of. But don't do it in an accusatory way. Be gentle about it.
Congratulations though!

StartledByHisFurryShorts Wed 26-Oct-16 13:47:21

Agree with PPs. Don't collude with your MIL. Tell your DP so that it's still a joyful and wonderful thing. Just in a different way.

Congratulations!

That's assuming you actually do want to marry him?

cosmicglittergirl Wed 26-Oct-16 13:47:39

I'd be annoyed yes, but I'd also be annouyed that he'd told his mother before asking me. Unreasonable maybe.

Rainydayspending Wed 26-Oct-16 13:49:54

It is pretty weird his mother knows (and obviously she had to fo some weird thing to show she knew). I'd hope he's learned how untrustworthy she is.

BabooshkaKate Wed 26-Oct-16 13:52:35

Tell him you know but be casual about it. "Oh your mum showed me the ring today, I think it's beautiful --"

JinkxMonsoon Wed 26-Oct-16 13:52:51

I would tell him too. He should know what his mother has done.

If you keep quiet and have to feign surprise, you'll always look back at that moment and feel sad. I'd much rather tell DP and reclaim that tainted moment, as it were.

Also, fuck your MIL. Spiteful woman.

Vixxfacee Wed 26-Oct-16 13:53:05

I had a situation where dp asked future mil to take me to look for rings so he could find out my size and what style I liked. He did this instead of asking a friend..
Anyway she was so obvious about the whole thing and told the sales assistant with me in hearing.
I told him what she had done afterwards and also when relaying he proposal story I told the whole family what she had done in a humorous way.

She's a cunt in general btw.

nbee84 Wed 26-Oct-16 13:53:43

I think I'd have to tell him I know. If you act all surprised when he proposes and then 'Mil' says to him afterwards that she's so sorry that she showed you that pic then it will be really awkward.

Ginmakesitallok Wed 26-Oct-16 13:54:38

My dmil saw my ring before I did - she paid for it! Definitely tell dp you've seen it.

OlennasWimple Wed 26-Oct-16 13:54:56

DH showed his mum my engagement ring before he proposed, so I don't think that bit is weird. It's obviously beyond weird to accidentally on purpose spill the secret, and I agree with others you need to tell him that you know so that there is no secret (I wouldn't be surprised if in the future she "lets slip" that she told you, for example).

But important question - what is the ring like?! And are you going to say yes?

DiscoMike Wed 26-Oct-16 13:56:55

Tell your DP.

myownprivateidaho Wed 26-Oct-16 13:58:38

Yeah it's weird and mean of your MIL if intentional, but I'd wait until after the proposal to tell your DP that you know.

Bribrielliott Wed 26-Oct-16 14:00:30

I did think it was odd that she knew anyway, and had a photo, wtf?! hmm But then I thought maybe dp was keeping it at hers so there was no chance of me finding it. I think your right about me telling him, will do it tonight after work, I'm nervous though! I am in love with the ring though grin

FlouncingIntoAutumn Wed 26-Oct-16 14:00:40

I think i'd mention that you'd been looking at photos and seen one of a ring, which sort of stood out to you as odd. Rather than putting any conotations on MIL intentions or your DP's.

Liiinoo Wed 26-Oct-16 14:02:33

I would tell your partner what happened. Don't start off a possible lifetime with him by allowing your MIL to come between you. And for all we know that was just a picture of a random ring and she is playing a mean game and messing with your head.

Bribrielliott Wed 26-Oct-16 14:02:36

And will also say yes!!! I'm so excited!

user1477282676 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:06:27

I'm not sure how to manage this. I think she showed you deliberately to let you know he'd shown HER.

Tell him before he proposes....say "MIL was showing me some pictures on her phone and came to one of a ring...she yelled about ruining the surprise..."

Then if it IS a surprise for you, say can you please not give me that ring. I'd like one she's not seen first.

I would.

I wouldn;t bloody want that one.

SpaceUnicorn Wed 26-Oct-16 14:07:19

Just describe exactly what happened and let him make up his own mind about whether it was a genuine accident or not.

My MIL really struggle with me and DH getting married (heckled us during our vows! hmm). I think some mothers do worry that they've been ousted from the role of 'most important woman in his life' and go a bit loopy for a while. Mine settled down after a few years, once she realised it was not a 'me vs her' competition.

cunningartificer Wed 26-Oct-16 14:07:21

Yes, be excited. Enjoy it.

And then say--oh THAT's what the picture of the ring was about!

Doesn't start with a lie.
Disarms MIL interference.

Also--if she really is mean--have you considered that she may be winding you up to no purpose?

AmeliaJack Wed 26-Oct-16 14:09:08

I would wait for him to ask. Say yes and have that lovely moment and then tell him that she showed you.

Don't steal his thunder, let him pick his moment poor lad.

ProseccoBitch Wed 26-Oct-16 14:10:23

I was about to say the same thing as cunningartificer - are you sure she's not just a total cunt and is winding you up?

AmeliaJack Wed 26-Oct-16 14:10:41

Space she heckled during the vows?? shock

Weren't the rest of the congregation appalled?

ProseccoBitch Wed 26-Oct-16 14:11:01

...and if she's not, I wouldn't tell him until after he's proposed, don't spoil it for him.

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