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To tell my friend to shut up?

(143 Posts)
Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 26-Oct-16 01:48:41

A long post, sorry

It's almost 2 am and I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs these past few days thanks to DC. Dd has been waking up screaming for me every night several times, she's 3.5 and could easily come to my bed but instead insists on screaming in bed until I come down and see what's wrong. It's usually something stupid such as her being too hot - she knows how to take the cover off herself.

I'm tired as hell and knew that I wouldn't get proper sleep in the house as DD is not in nursery at the moment and has been with me all day every day. DH is away on a business trip. My mum came down to stay with us for a few days and said she'd look after the DC (I have a 6yo DS aswell but he's in half term camp) so I could get some sleep. Every time so far that I would try to sleep DD would scream for me and then try to run into my bedroom. Basically sleeping in the house hasn't been possible.

I have asked my one of my best friends if I could come sleep in her house just this one night as I know all her DC are away with her DH. I have been moaning about being so tired and sleep deprives and she said yes. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxed evening. Other best friend (it's the three of us) found out I was coming over so asked friend #1 if she can come too. She said yes. She wasn't supposed to stay the night aswell BUT seems like things have changed.

They have both been drinking wine and beer while I was drinking coffee, and they're now drunk. At first we were all listening to music, relaxing (for about 3 hrs before) this turned into friend #2 trying to shove her xenophobic views down my throat while #1 was in the other room talkig to dh on the phone. She has been moaning about me wanting to watch a movie, grabbing the remote off me and turning my movie off repeatedly, playing loud music right into my ear, kept saying my movie is shit, she doesn't wanna watch that, let's party, kept trying to put a blanket over the tv and basically was winging like a 5yo child. This went on for about an hour and she just wouldn't fucking stop, even tho I asked her nicely about 50 times trying to explain i was here to relax and wanna watch a movie. I turned my movie off and out another one on as I had no idea what was going on thanks to friend #2.

The second movie starts "what kind fo fucking shit is this" "turn it off there's someone giving birth I don't wanna watch this" plays music again. "WOO" "why are you still watching this shit"

That's when I snapped. Told her to shut the fuck up. That I didn't come here to listen to her whiny drunk ass moan and whinge in my eat, that that was the exact reason why I was there, to get away from it. That if I wanted to listen to that crap I'd stay home and listen to dd's non stop tantrums.

Cue me giving a long speech about how she's basically invited herself to something that was supposed to be relaxing and turned into a stressfull night. That's when the second friend came in (also pretty drunk) and asked me to cook something, to which I said no and told them how to do it only to have them laugh and take the piss because it was too complicated and they don't wanna do that (this is a basic mac and cheese recipe, neither of them can cook). Then friend #2 kept calling me a party pooper and said I should just go to bed and said I shouldn't have even came in the first place if I was gonna be "tired and grumpy" and how she came to drink and came because she doesn't wanna miss nights like these.

Not only that but friend #1 instisted drunk asshole friend sleeps in the guest bed with me (WHY NOT WITH HER FFS)

i'm just so tired and stressed and friend #2 just totally ruined it and I just wanted rest and they're in the kitchen giggling and moaning about me being like this.

AlBU or is my friend just being a bitch

user1477282676 Wed 26-Oct-16 01:52:07

It all sounds quite bizarre to me! You can't really expect everything to go your way when you're a guest. Your friend whose house it is, has the right to invite another friend wanted the evening to go one way...they wanted it to go another.

And why are you drinking coffee if you're so tired? That won't help you sleep. I'd have just had a drink and then gone to bed early and left them to it.

Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 26-Oct-16 01:52:46

I mean I get it, they're drunk but I just wanted some sleep. I'm so tired I feel like crying. Can't even go upstairs and sleep because their music is too loud and they're shouting, not talking

Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 26-Oct-16 01:53:56

User - I made it clear to my friend that I am coming to sleep and she was saying she completely understands and wants me to rest. That's the sole reason I came to the house. To sleep!

You can leave at any time, nobody is forcing you to stay there. Yes, what's happened is not what you planned but it isn't your house and you have absolutely no right to shout at anyone,make any rules or lay demands.

Go home if you don't like it and don't plan it again in the future should you be fortunate enough to have such unusual to most people help again.

SpaceUnicorn Wed 26-Oct-16 02:03:16

That's when I snapped. Told her to shut the fuck up. That I didn't come here to listen to her whiny drunk ass moan and whinge in my eat, that that was the exact reason why I was there, to get away from it. That if I wanted to listen to that crap I'd stay home and listen to dd's non stop tantrums.

Is that really how you spoke to her? shock That's very unreasonable, regardless of how tired you are.

I take it you're all fairly young?

Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 26-Oct-16 02:04:24

Are you really saying that if you asked your best friend if you can come spend a quiet night at her place to get some proper sleep and she said yes, AND THAT BEING THE SOLE REASON YOU CAME THERE, and then it all being ruined by someone who just wanted to have a boozer (which is the only thing she ever wants) you wouldn't be pissed off?
Friend #1 only started drinking because friend number #2 brought alcohol and kept pushing her.

Can't go home now because no matter how quiet I try to be our front door is extremely creaky and loud and it would no doubt wake DD up.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 26-Oct-16 02:04:36

Tbf I understand you are sleep deprived but that's an appalling way to behave in someone else's house when they are doing you a favour.

If you wanted a quiet night you should have booked into a hotel. It isn't ideal for you that they are getting pissed but it's not your home. Do you usually insist on watching certain things in other people's homes?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 26-Oct-16 02:07:09

And given that the 'SOLE REASON YOU ARE THERE' (to quote you) is for a favour, you are seriously taking the piss. You are using your friend's home as a hotel and kicking off when things aren't going your way. Don't be surprised if any future demands are turned down.

Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 26-Oct-16 02:09:13

This was what the night was about, relaxing! If I knew this is what would've happend I wouldn't have come obviously?

Friend #2 is 46 and childless.
Friend #1 and me are both early 30s and have 2 dc each.

DotForShort Wed 26-Oct-16 02:10:50

I do sympathise about sleep deprivation, but it sounds as though you were quite unreasonable. If anyone told me to shut the fuck up, I would no longer consider that person a friend. Did you say that to the first or the second friend? It's pretty outrageous either way, but especially so if you spoke to someone that way in her own home.

SpaceUnicorn Wed 26-Oct-16 02:11:07

Being pissed off - fine.
Talking to people the way you claim you did - inexcusable.

But it's NOT your house!

You sound like a bunch of teenagers to be frank

Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 26-Oct-16 02:12:43

Fine, I'll accept that IABU. Thanks for the comments

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 26-Oct-16 02:13:15

They probably didn't know either.

But this is not your home. You don't get to dictate what happens. Next time book a hotel (probably your only option now anyway as I doubt your friend will be bending over backwards to offer you a bed for the night)

SpaceUnicorn Wed 26-Oct-16 02:14:02

Friend #2 is 46 and childless.
Friend #1 and me are both early 30s and have 2 dc each.


I assumed you were maybe early twenties and your friends were younger.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 26-Oct-16 02:14:07

Do you make a habit of using people like that? Or is it just this friend?

Motherfuckers Wed 26-Oct-16 02:14:14

Maybe friend #1 invited friend #2 to make the evening more tolerable. Your behaviour sounds insufferable.

coolaschmoola Wed 26-Oct-16 02:15:57

Travelodge. Premier Inn.

treaclesoda Wed 26-Oct-16 02:16:39

I think it's really weird behaviour to be honest. I don't understand why if your sole reason for going to your friend's house was to sleep why you didn't just go to bed and sleep instead of trying to watch films and enter into discussion over it. If you sit up late with people chatting etc I'd imagine they think you're enjoying the company and fun as much as they are. If a friend came to my house and started trying to watch a film when they'd told me they were coming to sleep I'd think it was really rude. And strange.

They do sound inconsiderate, but at the same time it's really odd to not just go to bed if you're tired instead of having a huge drama. You don't really sound as if you like friend number 2 much anyway.

oobedobe Wed 26-Oct-16 02:18:11

I think you should have realised that once the other friend was invited it was no longer about your 'relaxing' but more about socializing and drinking. At that point you should have stay at home, put your DD in bed with you and gone to bed at 8pm.

Your friends sound rude and aggressive but to be honest so do you. I would find new friends.

Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 26-Oct-16 02:18:23

Yes I was insufferable - the 5 times I let said friend #1 stay at mine for weeks when she couldn't pay her rent/had issues with ex DH. That was horrible of me, letting her come whenever she needed. But I'm using her by asking if I can stay one night. What a horrible friend I am!
"Bending over backwards" yes having a house to herself for a week and letting me come stay for a night.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 26-Oct-16 02:19:12

In fact the 'shut the fuck up' comment would have had me phoning for a taxi for you then and there to fuck off back to your own house

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 26-Oct-16 02:19:51

Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd now the drip feeding about helping your other friend out....

Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 26-Oct-16 02:21:02

And if you read other posts you'll see that i wrote that their music is too loud and they're shouting over it. I tried sleeping. Didn't work. Came down hoping they'd end it soon. Found out friend 2 decided to stay.

If it was as easy as putting her to bed with me at 8pm don't you think i would've done it

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