To not invite DF for Christmas

(7 Posts)
Herzie29 Tue 25-Oct-16 21:31:58

I am feeling guilty on this one but I don't want to invite my dad for Christmas. Normally he goes to my Dsis but she is away this year. He has a partner but she goes to see her family at Christmas and he is not invited (partly 'cos he's an awkward bugger). This means that potentially he will be on his own unless he comes here. I had thought I was going to the in-laws and therefore might be able to avoid it, but have just found out they have other plans. So it is likely that me, DH and the DCs will be having a quiet family Christmas at home.

The trouble is a very long story of not getting along (EA, issues resulting from my DM's death etc). Most recently when I tried to be dutiful and take the DCs to visit in the summer it went spectacularly tits up and I very nearly decided to go NC once and for all. We have patched things up to a degree but he has basically decided to pretend none of the screaming row in the summer happened and to carry on as before. I am not so ready to forgive him. DH is also very reluctant to have him come after what happened in the summer.

I am not ready to think about having come and stay and he lives about 3 hours away so it would not be possible to have a short visit. Even if we both manage to behave and be polite. It will be strained and will ruin Christmas for me as I will worry about it constantly ( won't help my anxiety one little bit). But part of me is already feeling guilty...

AIBU?

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Oct-16 21:37:21

Could you tell him you're going to in laws? Would he find out?

It says so much that his own partner won't spend Christmas with him!

Farmmummy Tue 25-Oct-16 21:45:29

You are going to the in laws end of. If you aren't the person I'm thinking of I'm sorry but there was a poor poster in the summer who visited their df and he was really odd about meals and didn't provide towels and refused to acknowledge she had a DS as well as a dd. If that is you there's no way I would feel guilty about not inviting him it would be stressful for your whole family and you just tell him you are with DHs family in their very full house op. Please don't allow yourself to feel bad

Herzie29 Tue 25-Oct-16 21:53:08

Thanks Farm. Yes you remember my post from back in the summer...

DiegeticMuch Tue 25-Oct-16 21:54:09

It's his own fault he'll be spending Christmas alone. Not yours. Absolutely not yours.

YelloDraw Tue 25-Oct-16 21:55:56

It isn't your fault he hasn't got anywhere to go.

Just say "look dad, I think after the summer we can both appreciate that it's better not to spend Christmas together. Hope you have a nice day"

Farmmummy Tue 25-Oct-16 22:00:53

Argh Herzie I thought it was going to be, that really stuck in my mind it reminded me of what my Nan used to say about her Mil and my mum remembers her Gm clearly as a horrible woman, that's why I don't think you should feel guilty for the sake of your own DCs

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