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...to ask MIL to limit furniture 'gifts'

(5 Posts)
cappy123 Tue 25-Oct-16 21:21:19

We live in a flat above my PILs that we rent from them - me having moved across country to move in with my DH and DSD some years back. It's not particularly instrusive I can go a fortnight without seeing PILs - they have active lives. We're about to buy our own house, which we're all looking forward to. There's not much storage there.

When it comes to gifts, PILs are very generous sometimes too much. Last Christmas we got about 10 bottles of alcohol, upholstered cushions and loads of other stuff and presented in a huge wooden family chest to cart it off in. DH and I were literally moving furniture into our house on Xmas day. I don't feel particularly like I can say anything about the chest, being a family heirloom on DH's side, although it sits empty in our bedroom with our clothes all over it. My DSD also asks all parents and grandparents not to buy her so much - v mature, not always observed by the grown ups though.

Last year I bought a new dyson that I'm perfectly happy with. Last week MIL said as it's your birthday soon, Xmas and you're moving house I've bought you a dyson for your present. I said, we've just got a new one. Yes she said, but this is cordless. She's bought two because they were on offer and given SIL one who always wanted one. She then told me the price it cost her! Fair play for her being savvy I guess. I suppose I would have like to be asked whether we needed / wanted it. The equivalent value amout into DSD's account would have been great.

I'm a big believer in living within your means financially and materially. We're already a cluttery family against my better instincts - DSD is drowing in vats of clothes that DM buys, DH fills every surface with crap. He had about 3 broken hoovers when I met him that we got rid of. We don't need 2 now we already have a functioning one. We've 2 full height fridges in the kitchen, one a non functioning one that DH is still getting round to fixing - you get the picture.

Doesn't help that DH will also say yes to anything his parents offer (even though I've since learned that they tend to say "discuss it with Cappy"). Which probably feeds their giving. Agreeing to go on holiday with them, which they paid for, and telling me later, was the limit (we still had to pay for flights and expenses and yes I'm grateful but no, we could not afford it - so it was stressful. Never again)!

I do enjoy gifts, esp practical ones. My parents get us stuff we need when they notice we need it, chopping boards, glasses (coz we keep breaking them), cutlery - all stuff that's not duplicated and make a real difference. I love PILs too and appreciate they are gifty people and very generous, but when it comes to our home I'd like us to equip and furnish it how we want to, including any family heirlooms we choose to accept.

I'm already now thinking of who I can ask if they need a hoover (who would appreciate it and has room for it!) to give them our old one - DH already looking forward to the new onw. AIBU. How do I handle this in the future to head off other big gifts possibly coming our way.

Sgtmajormummy Tue 25-Oct-16 21:59:29

I know how you feel- my PIL were generous to a fault and buying stuff, especially clothes for DS, was a great source of pleasure for them. Denying them that pleasure made me look churlish and ungrateful and in the end I would just smile and accept with good grace. MIL had very good taste and we were poor!

However, we didn't live in the same building and I could just pass on or throw away unwanted gifts (sounds horrible but keeping everything would have been impossible) without it being obvious.

The only advice I can give is to involve your PIL in planning your move away to a new home and channel their generosity into buying stuff that you will need ( or that you need now and can save the money YOU would have spent). Make a list and refer them to it. And bear in mind that for them, it's a way of showing how much they love you, DSD and DH.

My PIL are no longer with us, so I've got over my irritation at the time. Now I only remember their thoughtful gifts and good intentions over the years. smile

SquinkiesRule Tue 25-Oct-16 22:01:34

You have a Dh problem, he's the one who needs to say no and to actually stop and discuss with you when told by his Dm to do so.
He needs to be the one who lets them know you don't need more stuff.
That empty chest is a great place to store winter coats, or bedding, towels sheets extra pillows etc. The vacuums can be one on each floor save dragging on upstairs.
I'd love a cordless, send it my way grin

cappy123 Tue 25-Oct-16 22:15:24

Thanks guys. You're right squinkies DH must play his part and he's been good to be fair (getting MIL to knock and wait not just let herself in as happened once), not accepting or at least not telling me about offers ("mum said she can take up our curtains" angry no longer happens). It was me that was caught unawares with this one, MIL asked me to pop in, and I should have headed it off and not told DH. I was quite surprised because there are times when PILs will be at pains to say, "if you want, doesn't bother us, don't feel like you have to, we don't mind" about stuff. She seemed so happy telling me, it caught me off guard.

Cherrysoup Tue 25-Oct-16 22:36:23

You need a conversation with them about wanting to furnish the new place with things YOU have chosen and could they please not buy stuff: adult, non-nasty convo, no need for drama or upset, but be super clear.

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