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AIBU to want my elderly father to go to hospital?

(21 Posts)
user1467798821 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:07:51

Dad is 69 and has had 2 heart attacks,,which resulted in him having stents fitted. Approx 3 weeks ago he said he had a migraine, which he said over the period of 2-3 days, eased. This weekend I went to his house and he looked a bit dishevelled, I knew straight away something was wrong, and he admits he can't see detail, just the outlines of objects, felt dizzy and his speech was slightly slurred although this improved over the afternoon. He said he had seen the GP who had made a referral to the local eye clinic and absolutely disagreed with my suggestion to his being checked out in A&E. He claimed his vision was better yesterday and he didn't sound so slurred. Anyway to today, he has very little vision at all, he sounds very slurred, no headache but he is dizzy. He initially agreed to speak to GP on the phone, then discovered his own GP was not in today and he refused to speak to the partner. He promised he will ring tomorrow. I have secretly spoken to this GP and she is insisting that he gets looked at, my issue is,he is refusing to go. He is adamant about it to the point of raising his voice. He says if I call an ambulance he will send it away and won't let me take him. What do I do?

cottonweary Tue 25-Oct-16 19:11:55

Definite 999 job immediately.
At the very least the paramedic can make an assessment.

Arfarfanarf Tue 25-Oct-16 19:13:32

There's nothing you can do to force him
Unless he does not have capacity he is in control here and has the right to refuse medical help.

Have you tried saying you're so worried and please could he get seen to put your mind at ease? Sort of spin it so he's doing you a favour?

Maybe he is behaving like this because he's scared. People dont always behave logically and maybe he doesnt want to find out what it is because he fears it's serious?

SortAllTheThings Tue 25-Oct-16 19:13:39

Just call an ambulance, do you suspect he may have had a stroke?

user1467798821 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:15:05

He won't let me even ring one. I have begged, yelled, cried and he just lost his temper

Chocolatecake12 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:16:10

What a horrible situation for you.
Tell him you just want him to get checked out and flask him to humour you.
Give him 2 options - either you take him to hospital or you call an ambulance. Then paramedics can talk sense into him if they feel he needs to go to hospital.
Good luck / hope he's ok

user1467798821 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:16:57

His face looks normal part from his very wide eyes, he's using all limbs so it's not typical of a stroke

Chocolatecake12 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:17:59

*ask not flask
I agree with pp too - it does sound like he's scared

therootoftheroot Tue 25-Oct-16 19:19:04

just do it
phone 999

slurred speech is a big red flag
slurred speech with vision problems are giant red flags

ignore him
dial 999

CrazyDuchess Tue 25-Oct-16 19:20:53

Agree call the paramedics. There is a definite change in him and it could be an early warning sign.

vdbfamily Tue 25-Oct-16 19:21:21

Has he explained why he will not go. Has he expressed a wish not to be resussitated/receive medical treatment ?I agree you need to try and find out the reason before you can work out what to do.

Lweji Tue 25-Oct-16 19:22:06

You get angry with him and tell him that you are calling an ambulance and that if he doesn't go and is seen you give up on him.
At least he should do it for you.
If all is well, great, if not, he gets treated.

user1467798821 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:22:17

He's thinking about it, so if I disappear it means he's agreed. Thankyou to all who replied I just needed impartial advice

Mummyamy123 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:23:46

Call 999. The paramedics might have more sway than you, maybe he is less likely to be rude to strangers.
They will also assess if his capacity is impaired by any medical conditions and act accordingly.
At the very least perhaps he will allow them to do some checks and put your mind at rest!

therootoftheroot Tue 25-Oct-16 19:23:59

i am not being funny but if he has had a stroke then every second/minute/hour counts

don't give him time to think about it, just do it

the quicker he is seen the more chance they can prevent long term damage

Farmmummy Tue 25-Oct-16 19:27:40

Agree he should be checked if he is coherent (sounds he is) ask him has he ever suffered a hemiplegic migraine before? They can cause slurred speech, visual disturbances including loss of sight in one or both eyes and even numbness and tingling on one side (face arms and legs) all similar to strokes. I am not in any way minimising his symptoms and would advise he be checked but for family members a h-m can be very scary to see my DH has previously been convinced I've had a full blown stroke and I'm only 34. Also it is possible to have an incidence having never had this particular kind of migraine before but you mentioning him having another one a few weeks ago rang a bell for me

HemanOrSheRa Tue 25-Oct-16 19:28:04

I get this all the time in work - I work with older people. They often refuse support. I would just call an ambulance. It maybe that whatever is wrong is clouding his judgement. Very often people will take the advice of 'just popping to the hospital to be checked over' from a medical type person. He's probably very frightened as well so maybe doesn't want to go because they will find out what is wrong.

user1467798821 Wed 26-Oct-16 03:00:39

Thankyou again everyone for your replies. He agreed to my calling 111, and they ( as I suspected they would) called an ambulance. Rapid ambulance crew arrive, assess him at home and gently persuade him to go to hospital. He had a CT scan and a chest X Ray. Although the scan showed no major bleeds they believe he has had minor strokes over the last few days, X Ray showed a chest infection, caused by him not moving for the last few days I suspect. As he already takes aspirin they have allowed him home and will refer him to the TIA clinic and will be seen in a few days and they will give him a thorough check over. Been a long day. Thanks again everyone x

CrazyDuchess Wed 26-Oct-16 14:24:43

That is a good outcome. Thanks for updating OP

BarbarianMum Wed 26-Oct-16 14:41:08

Thanks for the update. I've twice rung 999 for people who were categorically telling me not to (ddad and dFiL). Both were extremely ill and ended up being hospitalised for several days (heart failure and sepsis). Only FiL has ever grudgingly admitted I was right. Interestingly neither actually refused treatment when the paramedics arrived which they could have done, although FiL was loosing conciousness at that point.

user1467798821 Wed 26-Oct-16 23:35:09

He has an appointment tomorrow at the Stroke clinic where they will further investigate

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