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To no want to look after 5 kids ?

(53 Posts)
chowchowchow Tue 25-Oct-16 14:00:53

Hi all,

So long story short(ish). Me and DH have his two DC over for a 2 week school holiday. We also have my DS. They all get on well together and argue like true siblings... I enjoy the time they are all together an they are all good kids but I'm not ashamed to admit at the end of it I'm a bit frazzled and worn out as for so long it's just been me and DS.

Anyway, DH has decided he also wants to have his niece and nephew to stay for the break. So now it's 5 kids. I understand many families have this anyway and I might sound unreasonable but honestly I'm just not used to having so many kids in the house ! One of the 5 is quite challenging behaviour wise, and 2 of them speak no English so it's made more difficult by this. Try telling a child off with a combination of arm waves and stern faces, believe me it doesn't get you far!
DH has a pretty full on job which means he will be out most of the day while I look after them. And I've just found out that we are meant to be going on a day trip Saturday, however he has been called into work so it will be me, just me, dealing with all 5 of them. I just feel so anxious about this but when I raise it to DH he really doesn't see the issue, thinks I'm being silly. He's used to a big family and loves family time. I love family time too but arghghghghhh.
Even the fact that I only have a set of 6 crockery and cutlery is making me anxious!

So, if you got this far. Am I being unreasonable saying I would rather the niece and nephew didn't come?
Thanks

P.s. Bravo to the mums/dads who manage to deal with 5 or more kids on a daily basis. My hat goes off to you!

YelloDraw Tue 25-Oct-16 14:03:10

Um, no.

If SH can take the time off work then great. If he can't, the decision is upto you/.

myownprivateidaho Tue 25-Oct-16 14:03:45

Nope YANBU at all. Your DH needs to take the week off work if he wants his young relatives to stay.

oldlaundbooth Tue 25-Oct-16 14:04:52

So DH is at work during the week and also Saturday? confused

He thinks you're being silly? He can do it, then.

AmeliaJack Tue 25-Oct-16 14:06:05

He invited them. He takes time off.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Oct-16 14:11:26

Bloody hell, does he think you have 'mug' written on your forehead?

I was already wondering why he's working while you look after his two kids. Then he expects you look after more?

Fuck that. Why can't he take time off so you can look after them together?

NickyEds Tue 25-Oct-16 14:11:45

He doesn't see the issue? I bet he doesn't, what with not being there. Piss taker. Tell him either he gets the time off or the visiting nephew and neice don't come.

chowchowchow Tue 25-Oct-16 14:17:34

Thanks everyone, I think I knew I wasn't really BU but it's good to hear it from others too.
As for him taking time off unfortunately with his work he can't choose when he gets time off so the arrangement is that we have his DC during their school hols otherwise we would never see them. As I said I really don't mind having his two with my one, it's just the extra two that was making me confusedconfused.
He has tomorrow off instead of Saturday so we will make the most of that and I think I'm going to put my foot down about the other two.

ijustwannadance Tue 25-Oct-16 14:17:53

He decided niece and nephew stay then he looks after them.

Is this a cultural thing op or is he just stuck in the 50's where it's the woman's job to look after the children?

Why is it only his decision? Ring up their parents and twll them no

BabyGanoush Tue 25-Oct-16 14:18:43

sorry but what a wanker your DH is.

He wants all the nostalgic "big family fun" without putting the work in himself! Ha, wouldn't we all?!

Of course he does not see the problem, as there IS no problem...for him.

He probably comes home and is jovial good fun with them for 30 minutes, feels he has done his bit, and leaves you with the boring logistics such as getting them bathed/fed/ in bed

About the day out: just say you can't cope with that on your own so if he can't come, it's off.

You sound too nice and too gentle a sort of person to make this clear to your H, maybe? That's the hard thing, and I do sympathise. I battle with DH daily for him to LISTEN to me (and I am not as nice as you wink)

rightknockered Tue 25-Oct-16 14:19:35

Cancel it all, unless he stays home to take care of the kids. And take yourself off somewhere for at least one evening. I have 5 children and am a lone parent, but I know and understand my kids. And daytrips are a nightmare

hellsbellsmelons Tue 25-Oct-16 14:23:35

DH has a pretty full on job which means he will be out most of the day while I look after them
No feckin' way!
My OH wouldn't even leave his own DC with me as he knows I'm not a big fan of kids, full stop!
I had ONE for a reason!
And no way would I be looking after 5 of them.
Book yourself and DS a nice break and leave DH to do what he wants while you are away!

happy2bhomely Tue 25-Oct-16 14:23:49

We have our own 5 dc. You wouldn't believe the number of people who say that I wouldn't even notice looking after a couple more!

Extra children can change the dynamic completely. My 5 are great, but chuck in one more and suddenly they are bickering and whining.

Don't do it!

Arfarfanarf Tue 25-Oct-16 14:24:02

Well of course he doesnt see the issue.
It's not him whose going to be doing the bloody childcare.

Cherrysoup Tue 25-Oct-16 14:29:06

No way should you be looking after extra children. That's very unfair of him to expect you to do this while he skips out to work.

Kr1stina Tue 25-Oct-16 14:29:57

If he loves family time so much he should be taking the time off work to enjoy it

Ketsby Tue 25-Oct-16 14:30:48

What a dick! If HE wants to look after 5 kids he can take time off work and fucking enjoy it. Telling YOU that YOU have to look after 5 kids? Fuck the fuck off.

DiscoMike Tue 25-Oct-16 14:31:18

Oh I bet he loves family time - when he's not actually having to be there looking after 5 kids, that is. Gets all the kudos of looking after his nephew and niece without, you know, having to be there.

TransformersRobotsInDaSky Tue 25-Oct-16 14:33:35

Absolutely no way I'd be looking after five kids for a whole week because DH wanted me to. YADNBU

Tomorrowillbeachicken Tue 25-Oct-16 14:34:33

He shouldn't have invited them if he wan't there to look after them

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 25-Oct-16 14:37:30

Cheeky fucker!!! Tell him to do one, how dare he

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Tue 25-Oct-16 14:46:26

Sometimes I think other MNs' partners/husbands live in a different world! YANBU at all, he is being incredibly selfish trying to foist an extra two kids onto you (non-English speaking! How will that even work?!) while he's not even there to help out! Why does he want them present if he's not going to be? So he can play happy families for 30 mins each evening as a PP suggested? Fuck that!

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Oct-16 14:46:31

He must think you're daft! Tell him that this is not going to happen!

EweAreHere Tue 25-Oct-16 14:48:09

How thoughtful your DH is ... for himself and his family!

He has arranged for his family members to have free term break child care for their children at YOUR expense.

He stays home to deal with them all or the cousins don't come. Completely unreasonable demands to be placing upon you if you aren't happy to have them.

Dontpanicpyke Tue 25-Oct-16 14:50:47

I would simply phone the parents and tell them as dh isn't around you can't look after 5 kids and leave it at that.

Bypass him and then tell him.

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