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DS has brought his gf to stay with us following violence at home - don't know what to do

(70 Posts)
Tliev Tue 25-Oct-16 13:01:10

Aibu - sorry, not strictly aibu but desperately need the traffic. DS has just called me from home to say his 16 year old girlfriend is being brought to our house by the police following violence from parents - they have apparently called her Satan, beat her and dunked her head under water. Indian Christian family if it makes any difference.

So I'm stuck at work, she's at our house Thanks to the police for leaving a 16 year old girl in the hands of her 17 year old boyfriend - what the fuck do I do? Social services???

WaxingNinja Tue 25-Oct-16 13:02:47

You need to speak to the police to find out exactly what's gone on.

ollieplimsoles Tue 25-Oct-16 13:02:55

Dont panic, has she been removed from her family home just by police or are the ss already involved?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 25-Oct-16 13:02:57

Yes - and get a police report number as well for the incident. This girl needs help.

hungryhippo90 Tue 25-Oct-16 13:04:50

Gosh this sounds awful. How do you get on with her?
Can she live with you? She must be feeling so very hurt.

FlabulousChic Tue 25-Oct-16 13:06:36

They would involve social services themselves. She is in the safest place possible at the moment.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt Tue 25-Oct-16 13:06:37

I imagine the police are already on to the safeguarding procedures but yes you need to talk to them. Poor girl.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Oct-16 13:08:54

Have you not spoken to the police yet??

WaxingNinja Tue 25-Oct-16 13:11:55

I'm not saying your son is lying but I don't think the police would remove a 16 year old from her home and place her in the care of her 17 year old boyfriend without discussing it with you, his parent and the homeowner.

I think the police would do a referral to SS too.

Hopefully they're in touch with you right now!

Tliev Tue 25-Oct-16 13:13:04

No im at work! I just got a phone call to say police were bringing her, they dropped her off (in a house with two teenage lads and no adults 🙄 ) and buggered off!

Tliev Tue 25-Oct-16 13:14:35

I heard the police in the background asking his name, dob etc! I was waiting for them to speak to me and then DS came back on the phone saying they'd left. I'm going to call them now, is it 111 I call?

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Oct-16 13:15:05

In the nicest possible way, you need to speak to the Police before you speak to mumsnet.

See what they say and then come back to the thread thanks

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Oct-16 13:16:23

It's 101

Slowtrain2dawn Tue 25-Oct-16 13:16:34

The police just want her to be somewhere safe, this doesn't mean you suddenly have full responsibility for her. Next step is call social services, check a safeguarding alert has been raised and find out who the social worker is. You can then talk to them about your concerns, and let them know how long you can have her for. If she is in education it is also a good idea to talk to the school. Make sure you talk all this through with her and your DS too. It's good she is in a kind family home. Also are there any risks to be considered from her family? The incident number is key, because whoever the investigating officer is should also speak with you.
I would be very proud of my DS, he obviously has faith in your family that you will be a safe and caring place for her.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt Tue 25-Oct-16 13:18:30

Will they be safe at your house? Any risk of family turning up?

Manumission Tue 25-Oct-16 13:18:40

It sounds quite plausible to me. 16-18 is a terrible non-mans-land in services, even now. The police are probably trying to a) Do her a favour by keeping her out of care and b) Temporarily stow her somewhere safe.

OP ring the local police station just to make contact.

If she's staying a while, contact someone senior/pastoral at her place of education.

Can you put her up for a while and support her a bit to get settled somewhere? I was in a similar situation at 16 and it isn't something I like to see happen to other young people.

FlabulousChic Tue 25-Oct-16 13:20:08

Why are you worried about her being in the house with two teenage boys? Jesus that says a lot about you. This girl is upset im sure the last thing on their mind will be other things, in fact I think they wont even be thinking that at all.

Manumission Tue 25-Oct-16 13:22:02

Are they quite 'young' 17 year old boys? I'm not really understanding that concern either.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Oct-16 13:25:34

Yes I'm not sure why you're worried about her being left alone with your sons?

Sparklesilverglitter Tue 25-Oct-16 13:25:54

Why is it a worry about her being wth two teenage boys? She knows your ds quite well I would assume and trusts him.
That fact your ds has stayed calm and welcomed her in should make you proud, his a credit to you

The police probably just wanted somewhere safe for her to be, which she is for now so that is something. And your be able to contact services and see what help there is for her in terms of finding somewhere permanent to stay

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Oct-16 13:26:46

I don't understand the concern about leaving her in the hands of two teenage boys, either! What do you think will happen to her?

Call the police and explain she can't live with you. Presumably you can put her up for a day or two while it's decided where she lives?

MoodyWarps Tue 25-Oct-16 13:29:42

I don't think she was worried about her being alone with the teenage boys, just surprised that the police didn't require an adult being present. That's how I read it.

butterproperbutter Tue 25-Oct-16 13:31:04

I'd be proud of my ds for staying calm, calling you and welcoming his gf in. I'm not sure why it's worrying you that she's with two teenage boys?

I imagine the police wanted somewhere safe for her with someone she trusted (your ds) and the poor girl is at least safe for now which is great.

You can social services but based on what I know from my job I don't really know how much help they will be given her age as that sort of falls in to the age nobody cares about.

Are there any hostels in your area? We have one here that I work in for ages 16-25. If you do have one it might be worth contacting them too

Do speak to the young girl about accessing counselling the police should have some victim support available, or the school/college should offer that service

Biffsboys Tue 25-Oct-16 13:32:58

She's not concerned about her being with teenage boys - she's surprised the police wouldn't have wanted an adult there hmm

Manumission Tue 25-Oct-16 13:34:50

Are there any hostels in your area? We have one here that I work in for ages 16-25. If you do have one it might be worth contacting them too

You have to be careful with Foyers, hostels and the like.

Some are full of young people with entrenched issues like substance issues and criminality; The mission statements and client groups vary. Ditto LA care arrangements for over 16s.

If she's just a nice, ordinary girl traumatised by family dysfunction and abusive behaviour from her parents, then she needs somewhere safe and calm to be while she finishes education/training.

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