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To find school holidays stressful

(3 Posts)
monkeytree Mon 24-Oct-16 21:09:37

Firstly, I will say that probably a lot of my stress is self generated but I wanted to hear what other peoples views are. I have two dc's - age 10 and 3. Big age gap means that it is often difficult to find something that suits them both, I think that is the first difficulty; swimming is normally a good option as they both enjoy this. My 3 year old is into everything - going through the snatching phase (she's only just turned 3) and I turn into the diplomat if we go to soft play etc, taking her out can be tricky. If I don't plan things for my 10 year old (who is very bright - just passed for grammar school) she will watch TV literally all day given the chance - so I feel I need to do an activity to get out of the house for her sake. Usually this involves going out just the 3 of us - DH works full time, I am a sahm so cover most of the holidays (we have no grandparents, aunts, uncles etc so visiting family is not an option). Friends don't seem very keen on meeting up (I suspect this might be to do with my 3 year old - most of their children are at least school age, all 6 years plus) and it can be difficult for me to hold an adult conversation because young dd is literally running off in all directions. They don't seem to mind coming round to our house but that leaves us not getting out of the house. One friend is lovely and is happy to meet up out and about and I love her for that because she is about the only one who seems to tolerate and make allowances for young dd. I do get a bit envious because it feels as if older dd's classmates always have people to visit, take holidays. Older dd does go out to play with other children who knock on the door but it is unpredictable when these children are about and now the children are older there seems to be less planning for meet ups between parents. Don't get me wrong, I love not having the rush of school runs etc. but I often feel guilty that older dd doesn't see friends through the holidays - I guess dd is in effect an only child in this way as a lot of her school friends have sisters who are a couple of years older or younger and I don't think their parents feel the same pressure to organize company etc. for their dc's. I have done fairly well in that I have managed to organize a couple of play dates this week for older dc but again this feels sandwiched in between other peoples schedules - it is not other mothers coming to me to say hey what are you doing would dc 10 like to come round etc. it is me doing all the approaching and organizing. Every holiday feels the same, here we go again. It is hard for me to spend one to one time with older dd though I make an effort to take her out on my own for one to one time when dh is about- shopping, pamper sessions, cinema or whatever activity she chooses but I do find it difficult with no extended family supporting to look after young dd when they are together in the holidays. I think I just feel consumed with guilt most of the time and tired of it being me to do all the organizing when trying to accommodate young dd. When dh takes leave (and it is good and does take a bit of time off) it is lovely to have someone to go out with and help organize trips etc and we seem to be able to do so much more. It would be so nice to have lovely friends who actually think a bit and say would x like to come round but I guess people don't think that way. Sorry - every holiday I seem to post a similar type of post, just wondering if anyone else experiences anything like this?

Dontpanicpyke Mon 24-Oct-16 21:16:40

Op you might not find this helpful but honestly it gets easier.

My 4 were age gap 16 months for first 2, then 9 years and then 16 months last 2.

The 7 year gap is huge st the moment but it will narrow every year. Older dd will start hanging with friends soon and being a bit more independent and little one will get school friends.

Have chill dysney film days and don't put too much pressure on yourself to please everyone.

monkeytree Mon 24-Oct-16 21:25:54

Thanks dontpanic. Young dd is still having naps in the day (not every day) so I have to try and factor this in too. When she gets tired she can behave (like a lot of us) really badly and the only thing that helps her is a nap - not helpful when you've agreed to meet up with someone for a day trip out. I asked one good friend if she could bring older dd back with her so that I could leave early with young dd. This is the only friend I feel I could ask, I guess most people with older children are out of the habit of accommodating young children - all of my friends have children age 6+ Unfortunately I have not made a lot of new friends since young dd has been born - then again a lot of the ladies with dc's age 2/3 don't have older children with the same age gap - tricky.

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