My mum is so hurtful, and I think it may be toxic but I'm unsure.
Very long story as short as I can make it.
Not loving when I was a child, never said they loved me or were proud or anything really.
Since I've been an adult no better and I'm finding it harder to cope with.
My current situation is that I am a single parent to 4 children. My life is very difficult and I've had 6 years of particularly hard times. My ex was abusive with MH problems, left me when I was 8 months pregnant and I've been doing everything alone for 4 years.
One of my children had a serious breakdown at aged 14 causing her to be hospitalised for her, and my safety in a secure unit for 15 months. I got evicted due to not being able to pay the rent after giving birth and husband leaving never to be seen again.
So my parents who live in a large bungalow with 3 spare rooms plus a camper van turned a blind eye, while we got put into a refuge then awful B&B, went on holiday and didn't support me in anyway and I don't mean financially I mean emotionally or physically by coming over to help out with the baby or maybe washing up etc.
This aside, my mum criticised everything I do. She says why have you done this, that or something else. We don't like your sons hair long, isn't he annoying, why didn't you do this, why have you got that car, you can't even drive very well, you needed to do things this way and you wouldn't have got in this mess, why have you said such and such...
The list goes on. Just constant cristism and negatives for years. Never once had she said you've don't a good job there or you look nice or a single thing that could be seen as positive or encouraging just mean and critical comments. She doesn't like my son and says he's too noisy, naughty, annoying, loud and that he can't come to her house if he doesn't behave or even once that she would smack him. It makes me so sad as he hasn't got any other family and was rejected by his dad so I feel horrible that his grandparents don't seem to like him either.
They don't ask how my daughter is.
They have never in my 20 years of being a parent babysat or had my kids sleep over.
They never call me on the phone, my mum just sends me stroppy text messages periodically
She gets annoyed that I havnt called her or visited when I'm struggling to keep on top of my life and all I have on my plate as it is, they are retired and either on holiday constantly or watching tv so I feel she should be more understanding that it would be nice if she called me rather than not going so and moaning that I havnt made any effort.
The final straw came last week when I wrote a long and heartfelt Facebook post in support of MH week talking about my daughter in the hope of spreading awareness. I tried really hard to write it in a sensitive and well thought out way yet she still got annoyed about it and sent me a curt and annoyed text message about it.
I'd like to stop contact with my parents because they hurt and upset me all the time and actually have done for years. I think my mum in particular is unkind, spiteful and quite mean. I'm 44 and still feel anxious and hurt by her, if they are visiting (2/3 times a year) I get so worked up and dread it.
Is it really horrible of me to not want to see or speak to them anymore? I feel so much calmer and better when I'm not in contact and the moment she text messages me I feel sick. I don't know if I'm being horrible or not? Its her birthday and then Christmas coming up, maybe I should just suck it up!? If anyone has made it to the end of this ramble thanks you and any advice would be gratefully received.
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Want to cut contact with my parents?
18 replies
lastnicknamefree · 24/10/2016 20:27
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