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AIBU - Not smoking in the house?

(97 Posts)
SmokeySmokerson Mon 24-Oct-16 20:21:56

I've changed for this as I can anticipate the response. That should say enough about how long I've been around here.

DP and I are both smokers, have been since we met a few years ago.

Yesterday after a heavy night and on a hangover DP decided unilaterally, with no discussion that he was giving up smoking. He then TOLD me I had to smoke outside from now on.

I fully support his desire to give up if that's what he wants. I'm not there right now, I have some other things I want to focus on first in terms of self improvement.

But again, this was completely out of the blue.

It is the coldest time of the year. I had no say. But in an attempt to assist I have been going out by the back door of a very small open plan house to try and help him.

Today I went to go out and it was raining, I said, I'm not going right out, it's raining. He said 'so go outside the front under the fucking porch then'. And that point I bit back and said 'so go get ready and go out for your fucking work meal then'. I did then go out the front.

He then got ready and stormed out telling me how horrible I was. I did try and apologise for being rude.

AIBU? I'm frustrated that I can't sit in front of my TV in my warm house and have a fag?

I understand him wanting to give up, but to be told I have to go outside with no discussion at the coldest time of the year is just fucking me off frankly.

MyGiddyUncle Mon 24-Oct-16 20:26:42

YABU because you smoke indoors. It's rank, you and your whole house will stink, you just may not be aware of it.

Use it as an opportunity to stop your house smelling like an ashtray.

Blackfellpony Mon 24-Oct-16 20:26:49

Sorry DH used to smoke in the house and it's truley disgusting to a none smoker. Everything smells of cigarettes and it lingers forever turning stuff yellow angry
I could smell a cigarette smoked hours previous in our living room and eventually lost the plot about it till he went outside.

Saying that it's a bit rich coming from a smoker but maybe he is finding it hard with temptation being wafted in his face all the time?

JagerPlease Mon 24-Oct-16 20:31:11

I don't think YABU - DW and I both used to smoke, she quit before I did and I continued smoking in the house because it was still my home and smoking inside was a decision we made together. Could you try and compromise with one room where you can smoke?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Mon 24-Oct-16 20:33:13

So it's fine to smoke indoors when he's doing it but the second he quits you're banished to the garden? If it was the other way round would he be so accommodating?

HeteronormativeHaybales Mon 24-Oct-16 20:34:45

YABu for smoking inside. Especially if you have kids (do you?).

Honestly, our kids and their kids will look back on the acceptability of smoking in our age in about the same way we do on 50s parents putting brandy in babies' bottles.

PurplePidjin Mon 24-Oct-16 20:34:57

Yabu to smoke in the house, bleurgh. Yanbu to be pissed off at being biased about as if you were some kind of interior being!

Strawberry90 Mon 24-Oct-16 20:35:00


He's doing the right thing by giving up - you need to support him. How is he supposed to give up if he then has to be around you smoking the whole time?!

It's a disgusting habit and it's not all unreasonable for someone to want their home to be smoke free - u don't realise how much it smells until you stop

Find a compromise - a spare room or bathroom you can shut door and open window in maybe? He has to be aware you aren't choosing to give up and accept that rather than try and force you to give up too but being nasty

Haggisfish Mon 24-Oct-16 20:35:11

Yabu. It's so hard to quit. Why not stop too? It reeks. I feel sorry for kids of indoor smokers who feel all the time too.

PurplePidjin Mon 24-Oct-16 20:35:15

Biased? Bossed!

FrazzleM Mon 24-Oct-16 20:38:37

I can't believe you still smoke inside. All of the people I know who smoke gradually started gong outside after the smoking ban.

I don't know anyone who smokes indoors anymore.


Even if you don't want to quit, it will probably make you smoke less, which can only be a good thing.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 24-Oct-16 20:39:48

Yanbu, smoking is rotten especially inside but that's not what the thread is about. Up until yesterday both smokes inside and now your dp thinks he can just decide for both of you that you need to go outside, I don't agree that's right, however, giving up is hard and I would go out in a bid to encourage him IF he lost his shitty attitude and appreciated my support

SeasonalVag Mon 24-Oct-16 20:45:02

AS A FELLOW FAGGER, you're totally out of order. You might not be there with regards to quitting, but you should care enough about his health to accept smoking outside. Would you rather he smoked? You should be supportive ffs.

SmokeySmokerson Mon 24-Oct-16 21:13:54

No children.

SmokeySmokerson Mon 24-Oct-16 21:15:23

After the smoking ban, this is the ONLY comfortable, warm place I can smoke.

SmokeySmokerson Mon 24-Oct-16 21:16:11

I agree a room would be some level of compromise.

It's the telling me I have to go out, and no discussion I'm pissed off about.

Soubriquet Mon 24-Oct-16 21:21:01


He is unreasonable to suddenly Spring this on you and expect you to comply

However yabu not to support him with quitting

Smoking is incredibly difficult to give up and being around it makes it worse

You need to come to a fair compromise where you are both happy

I am a non smoker. Dh WAS a smoker. We have never allowed him to smoke in the house

If it was cold and wet, we comprised in the kitchen with the hall way door shut and the back door open

Mozfan1 Mon 24-Oct-16 21:21:58

YANBU to smoke in your own house, it's your house you can do what you like.
Seems a bit rich he's all of a sudden telling you how it is when he's been happy to smoke with you up until now.

It sucks, but maybe it will spur you on to quit too smile

LimpidPools Mon 24-Oct-16 21:23:00

This is a lifestyle decision like any other and you should have been able to discuss it.

Other people's opinions abut smoking are irrelevant. He doesn't get to make decisions about both of your lifestyles unilaterally. Health issues not withstanding.

It's kind of like if you'd both been eating grilled kippers for breakfast every day. Kippers stink. They make your house stink too. And lots of people don't like them. But that wouldn't make it OK for him to decide one day that he didn't want to eat kippers any more, so you weren't allowed to eat them either.
You'd expect some kind of discussion and compromise.

Charlesroi Mon 24-Oct-16 21:32:19

I think you're going to have to go outside because when he caves in after a couple of days It'll be Your Fault For Smoking Inside. See also: starting pointless arguments "you made me have a fag" etc
Best of luck to him in quitting

suspiciousofgoldfish Mon 24-Oct-16 21:37:43

I think smoking fags is a bit wonderful (ex smoker).....

But smoking indoors died out in 2000, you need to get on board with this.

It's quite nice to brave the cold and have a fag in the garden, plus you will inevitably smoke less. Win win.

Cherrysoup Mon 24-Oct-16 21:39:13

If he really is stopping, then I think you should smoke outside only. We did this when we decided to stop inflicting the smoke on my bronchial mil who was visiting and it cut down how much we smoked by over half. We then stopped, cold turkey, no issues, no slip ups. 6 years on, I'm bloody glad, given the price and health issues we could have had.

Support him, don't say there are other more important things you need to tackle first-that's nonsense, what could be more important than your health? I fear you're talking bollocks giving such an excuse.

Pluto30 Mon 24-Oct-16 21:45:53

Smoking inside is disgusting.

But he's being ridiculous to impose that ban the second he decides to quit. Although, maybe you smoking inside will make him more tempted to take the habit up again? He could have a point, in that case.

CannotEvenDeal Mon 24-Oct-16 21:47:17

Perhaps the way he went about it was off but really smoking inside is unpleasant.

DOTLEYtheONEeyedDINO Mon 24-Oct-16 21:50:19

I always used the excuse that I needed to lose a bit more weight before giving up! Then DH just gave up. We always smoked outside though. He nagged and nagged me to give up too. I hate being told what to do - eventually gave up 6 months later. I now vape - DH hates this but can't really complain. I still go outside to do it - as DH says the sound is annoying and I was doing it all the time which was silly. It will save you a fortune. Vaping costs me maximum £8 a month.

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