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To think it's not my responsibility to sort out

(46 Posts)
streetylight Mon 24-Oct-16 19:57:44

A new member of staff started 6 months ago, she completely ignores me. She only treats me this way. I have absolutely no idea why. I've tried so hard to get on with her but every time I'm given the silent treatment. It has affected our work and others have picked up on the bad atmosphere.

I recently decided enough was enough and I don't deserve to be treated this was, so I went to speak to our boss. I didn't mention the person by name as I wanted to no come across as petty etc but it was clear my boss wasn't interested anyway. I explained how it has affected work and our boss agreed it was unprofessional and that they expect people to leave problems at the door. But our boss said they couldn't get involved and told me to basically sort it out myself, even suggesting I confront the person ignoring me!

Does anyone think it's my bosses responsibility to sort this out?

I read something about health and safety at work-
"Employers have to take reasonable steps to ensure the health, safety and welfare of their employees at work."

I've found the whole situation very stressful and it's caused a lot of anxiety. I've actually felt quite ill because of it. I really want things to improve not get worse. If I thought confronting this person would help I'd of done it 6 months ago.

TeaBelle Mon 24-Oct-16 20:00:11

I'd just leave it tbh. There's a couple of people at work who are highly irritating and my only survival method is to ignore them or I would loose my temper.

JeepersMcoy Mon 24-Oct-16 20:08:39

If you told your boss someone was ignoring you, but you didn't say who it was there isn't much they can do about it anyway. If you feel that they are stopping you from working by deliberately refusing to talk with you than you have to be very clear with your manager who it is and what is happening so they can help. You need to go with clear examples such as saying you couldn't complete a joint project to time because so and so was not communicating with you, or time is being wasted because you have to ask questions repeatedly before she answers.

Matchingbluesocks Mon 24-Oct-16 20:14:32

You need to be clearer with your boss what you want them to do. What could they do when you haven't named them?
How about asking for a meeting you, the wanker and your boss to sort it out? They can and should deal with this and behaving appropriately at work is something she can be spoken to about

JenniferYellowHat1980 Mon 24-Oct-16 20:30:05

I think in your position I'd ask my line manager to speak to her to find out what the issue is. She may have done it before.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Mon 24-Oct-16 20:31:04

Sorry I didn't read your op properly. TBH I'd be looking to move if I had to work in that scenario.

luckylucky24 Mon 24-Oct-16 20:34:10

I actually would have confronted them before going to your boss. You don't have to be rude or aggressive just ask if there is a reason she feels she cannot at least be civil.
I have had to work with someone I loathed enough to threaten to quit when my boss joked he was rehiring her after she had quit a few months earlier.
I was still nice to her!

streetylight Mon 24-Oct-16 20:41:39

I was hoping the boss would ask who it was and I'd of said but it was clear they weren't interested in getting involved. I'm glad I didn't now because I would be feeling even worse.

There are a few things that I believe my "colleague" has done against me but I have no proof so I can't go throwing accusations around. I can only report what others can see and unfortunately even that is being ignored so I don't have a hope with the other things.

I have been so close to leaving but I know she would love that. I feel I'm being bullied and I can't let a bully win. I must try to be stronger. I just wish my employers would support me.

BackforGood Mon 24-Oct-16 20:46:40

Tbh, I'd expect adults to be able to either sort out their differences or remain distant but civil. I'm inclined to agree with your manager - it's not for them to sort out personal relationships. If colleague is doing something that stops you doing your job, or if they were your line manager and being unfair, that is different, but just not 'getting on' isn't anyone's concern but yours.

UsernameHistory Tue 25-Oct-16 05:39:57

Unless you tell the manager exactly how it has affected your work I'm not exactly sure what you're expecting.

Did you actually mention H&S as a reason he should sort out you and your co-workers childish issues?

I'ts time to put on your big girl panties and call this other woman out on her behaviour.

I know what I'd do if you two worked for me.

HunterHearstHelmsley Tue 25-Oct-16 05:45:02

I agree your boss should only get involved when you've attempted to sort it yourself. I say that as someone who refused to talk to someone I worked with for months. She used to lie about things that had been said and I found the best way around that was to not say a damn word to her.

BipBippadotta Tue 25-Oct-16 06:48:40

Can you explain what you mean by not talking to you? If you ask her a work-related question does she refuse to respond? Do you need information from her, and her refusal to communicate means that you can't do your job properly? If so, that seems a real problem and worth raising explicitly with your colleague and, failing that, with your boss. If it's just that she's not friendly with you, then I can't really see how she could reasonably be made to change that. And either way, it's not a workplace health & safety issue.

FayKorgasm Tue 25-Oct-16 07:13:44

If you don't say who the problem is with how do you expect your boss to sort it out?
In what context are they ignoring you? Work related questions or General chat?

Slave2thecat Tue 25-Oct-16 07:20:48

I'm not sure I see the relevence if health and safety law to this - what impact does this have on your work?

Normally employees should sort issues out between them before resorting to management - it's a simple part of any office employee relations policy that you take all informal steps first before escalating.

What did you expect yiur manager to do?

Also reporting what other people say is just childish - stick to the facts. What happened, wgat affect did it have on you and your work and what outcome are you looking for?

MissMargie Tue 25-Oct-16 07:25:12

She is getting some sort of power kick or thrill from this and the fact you are getting upset is what proves her power.

You need to go for some counselling to see if you can ignore her or learn to accept she is nasty but it is not about you, it's about her. And that it no longer bothers you.

That would be a good and useful achievement, it isn't nice if someone doesn't appear to like you but it is their issue (assuming you are normal) it is theirs

MissMargie Tue 25-Oct-16 07:26:05

theirs?? should be not yours.

NotAnotherUserName1234 Tue 25-Oct-16 07:41:16

if you are feeling bullied at work then speak to hR.

shovetheholly Tue 25-Oct-16 07:58:40

I think this is a kind of bullying.

A woman at my old work did this to me. She was an absolutely nightmare, the kind of person who lives to be aggressive to others. She basically accused me of taking credit for a piece of her work even though she was 3 grades beneath me. Fortunately, I was able to produce an email that showed me giving her fulsome praise and full credit to the Big Boss, which I forwarded to her. However, thwarting her desire to have an enemy just made her even worse and she stopped speaking to me altogether!

Some people are just obnoxious, angry, irrational and not worth your effort or your tears.

shovetheholly Tue 25-Oct-16 07:59:09

And YES - speak to HR and insist that your boss takes some action.

redskytonight Tue 25-Oct-16 08:02:44

What do you mean by "ignores"? If you ask her a direct work related question does she refuse to answer? Or is she just not chatty and friendly with you like she is with others? If her "ignoring" means work things don't get done, this is a problem (that you could raise with manager). But she's not obliged to be your best mate if she behaves professionally with regards to work matters.

SpareASquare Tue 25-Oct-16 08:06:14

Is she rude, or unpleasant to you or does she just not wish to engage?
I share an office with someone I can't stand but am perfectly civil. We can, however, go hours without speaking which suits me fine.
What exactly would you like your boss to do, other than read your mind on who it is? And, if the person is actually rude, why cant you address it yourself? I wouldn't expect someone else to sort it out unless I'd at least made an attempt myself first.
She may just not like you, which is fine, but she needs to be civil and not rude.

MrsSchadenfreude Tue 25-Oct-16 08:08:09

If I were your line manager I'd have expected you to tackle this, in a professional way, before coming to me - eg tell her you'd like a word in private, and then ask her why she ignores you, and say that it is creating a bad working atmosphere. You don't need to be best friends, but you do need to have a professional working relationship - stress this, if she's young, she might not get this. If this approach doesn't get you anywhere, then speak to your boss - email them, setting out that you set up this meeting and what happened. But you need to have made an attempt to do something first, before bringing in your line manager.

OliviaStabler Tue 25-Oct-16 08:36:57

I think they should support you if her ignoring you stops you doing your job. They then should have words with her.

If not, there is little they can do. They can't force her to make small talk with you.

ANewStartOverseas Tue 25-Oct-16 08:44:49

Is it that she doesn't want to talk to you when you are doing some small talk etc or is it that she is obstructive work wise, ie is refusing to listen to you in a meeting etc?

streetylight Tue 25-Oct-16 09:27:46

She has undermined me a couple of times and completely ignored me talking many times. I'm not trying to be her friend, I just want to do my job the best I can and that involves communication to and from her sometimes. We are a small team and she is the only one being strange towards me. Unless I talk it would be silence. I'm lucky to get one word replies but even they are followed by dirty looks. I did give my boss examples of how this has affected my work but still I'm expected to sort out this person, it's not my job to do that.

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