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i seem to be the only girl who has no idea what to do when it comes to planning a wedding!!

(31 Posts)
PenguinPal14 Mon 24-Oct-16 16:32:43

My fiance proposed last year and i have started to look around at what i want but i have no idea what i am doing!!

i picked a bridesmaids dress, they all hate it, picked another 1 hated it the other 2 thought it was ok there dress is harder than fine to find (1 shop 4 try ons and i got it)

Im trying to book cars how many do i have? who am i supposed to ferry to the church? once there at the church do i ferry them to the hotel? the nest day do i get them home?

People keep asking me about photo booths? entertainment? casinos? chocolate fountains and telling me i need them all otherwise everyone will be bored

when did it turn into such a minefield? or am i just very out of touch and not a tad bit girlie?

44PumpLane Mon 24-Oct-16 16:51:49

Seriously you're not alone! I got married last year, having become engaged only 8 months previously- I just didn't want to drag out the planning as I knew it would be tough.

I guess the thing is I was quite relaxed about it all, even though my very opinionated (but love her to pieces) mother had something to say about everything!

Bridesmaid dresses..... in the end I decided on black dresses with pink sashes and told my bridesmaids to find something they liked that they felt comfortable in under £150- best decision ever! All 4 were different shapes and sizes so was becoming a nightmare to find something that would fit them all, never mind look good- so perhaps consider a pallet where you ask them to get shades of colour or fit into an autumn pallet for example. The benefit there with my pals is they all have a dress they'll wear again and not one of them spent more than £50! I then had my two nieces in pink dresses and had matching ribbon and pashminas for the adults- fab!

Outside of that, think about what you can afford and where you're going to have the event. If in the middle of nowhere it might be nice to arrange a bid back to the nearest town at the end of the night for people- or set up a Facebook group so folk can arrange taxi shares for example.

I didn't have a photo booth, chocolate fountain, casino etc as I just though it was all super expensive. I had sorted out photo booth props and backdrop so people could take their own pics with hats, feather boas etc if they wanted to. I sorted a sweetie table and had a good live band- people just enjoyed catching up, chatting and dancing.

Don't be pressured into spending money on stuff because other people think you should. My florist died 6 weeks before my wedding so could only find someone to do bouquets and button holes (peak wedding season), no florals anywhere else- didn't miss it at all! I did Ikea lanterns as centre pieces.

Just don't stress!

rollinghedgehog Mon 24-Oct-16 16:52:00

Have you been to many weddings? Just pick what you liked from those? And if you haven't I am afraid you just have to do some research. There is so much information out there it can be a bit overwhelming, but it's the only way to get ideas!

You should have a day you will like. If you want a photo booth and a casino get them, but don't just get them because other people say you should!! Does your fiance want any of the above? It's his day too!

Can you not take your bridesmaids shopping so that they can try on dresses and agree? Or at least pick a few options? You got to pick your dress and try it on which is why it is easier! That said, I think they are being a bit unfair whining about the dresses (unless they were actually hideous!)

Where are you ferrying people to the Church from? You need to make sure your bridesmaids and the groomsmen get there if they are all gathering in the same place first. If lots of people are staying in the same hotel, it would be nice to have big taxis (or a coach/bus?) but certainly not necessary. If it is close you could see if you could hire a few cars to go back and forth but I would think most people would expect to transport themselves? Won't some people drive?

Basically, it's your wedding, do whatever you want!!

RiverTam Mon 24-Oct-16 16:55:44

Honestly, if it's stressing you out then you need to refocus on the marriage, not the wedding, which is what's important after all.
Registry office, slap up meal in the pub with close friends and family. Wear whatever you like.

Having done both a big white wedding and a small informal ine I know which I'd recommend (and which lasted!).

TheCaptainsMum Mon 24-Oct-16 16:58:18

I didn't have bridesmaids or hen parties or casinos or most of what other people have told you that you must have.

All you need is you, the groom, and to get married in an approved venue by a proper registrar. The rest is just bells and whistles.

BUT my top tip: food. Get plenty of it. Make sure it is early in the day. Hungry guests are grumpy guests. Full guests are relaxed.

Just add on anything that you would like. Your guests should be there for you, not some photo booth.

myownprivateidaho Mon 24-Oct-16 16:59:15

YABU to think that every other "girl" knows how to plan a wedding, and also that weddings are "girlie" (think that they involve two people, so not necessarily girlie unless both those people are women).

However, weddings are indeed an organisational nightmare. You can pare things down though.

We had our reception right next to the church because we didn't know how people would make it between the two otherwise. Is that an option? Or if you're open to a civil service a lot of venues are licensed.

Bridesmaid dresses -- do they have to match? I just got my bridesmaids to get their own, though I did pay for them.

Regarding how much you pay for (is that what you're asking with cars?) I think it depends what you can afford, but if guests have to organise their own taxis between church and venue that's not great, so minibus or something is probably better if its affordable.

Entertainment -- yes if there will be a longer evening bit you need something. But an iPhone and some speakers work as an evening disco! No need for chocolate fountains and photo booths unless you want them (v tacky imo but each to their own!).

Anyway, it sounds like you need to get your DFiance on board with this organisational thing, organising it all alone will be a nightmare, however girlie a job you think it is!

eatdrinkandbemarysfairy Mon 24-Oct-16 17:00:11

your not alone
ive never been married and probably never and i wouldnt have a clue where to start

myownprivateidaho Mon 24-Oct-16 17:03:15

And I don't think you have to get anyone, including wedding party, to and from their home.

defineme Mon 24-Oct-16 17:12:05

I wanted to invite a lot of friends, i also believe in a wedding as a community/extended family celebration, so we couldn't do small and intimate. However, I didn't care about much of the hoo ha that surrounds weddings so I accepted every offer of help and outsourced everything to friends and relatives . I organised my dress, dh chose his suit and bought the same for bil/best man, i gave adult bridesmaid her pashmina in the same colour as my dressand said choose a dress you like for under £100 that tones and she wore the same simple sandals as me. My mum and aunty bought the little girls generic flower girl dresses. Mil's friend sorted the flowers after a brief chat with me. All guests organised own taxis etc. Fil friend drove us and took photos. Venue sorted food and disco, but I gave a playlist!) and rooms for whoever wanted. I did my own hair and make up and so did everone else. Other Aunty organised cake. I wanted an inclusive, relaxed wedding in a beautiful place where we all danced into the small hours and everyone felt part of it.

EveOnline2016 Mon 24-Oct-16 17:12:25

It's about what you want, things like transportation isn't down to you.

It's not anybody else wedding but yours and stbdh.

moreslackthanslick Mon 24-Oct-16 17:18:26

What's your budget OP? Perhaps we can help based on that.

I had a table magician and a Baileys fountain at mine which went down well smile (nearly 4 years ago if anyone gets sneezy about either of those not being a "thing" now)

MidnightAura Mon 24-Oct-16 17:20:08

You aren't alone. We had a small wedding (and partly I admit because neither DH or I wanted the faff of worrying about all the "extras"

We aimed for a nice venue, beautiful dress for me, nice suit for DH. We had people suggesting candy carts, photo booths, expensive favours, it was overwhelming.

We went to a wedding fayre and that helped a lot. Our hotel where we got married also provided us with a lovely wedding planner who took care of all the smaller details that I wasn't sure with.

Try not to stress, it's your day. Do what you want. Not what you think you should.

moreslackthanslick Mon 24-Oct-16 17:24:10

Sneezy? Sneery

As pp have said though it's your day. We got married in a hotel on a package so it was quite easy. My husband wanted the full on thing and I was happy to go along with it (obviously lol)

I have been to small weddings and had a lovely time, as for getting bored eh? Usually a large friendship group have been at all weddings I've been too and it's just like a night out.

GladAllOver Mon 24-Oct-16 17:25:16

Weddings are really getting out of hand - huge amounts spent on the first day of a marriage when you have all the rest of your lives to think about.

If you and your partner agree that you really want an elaborate wedding - and can afford it - then fair enough. Do not be persuaded by other peoples' expectations.

Maraschinocherry Mon 24-Oct-16 17:30:54

You really should buy a couple of wedding mags and follow their list, that helps.

You don't have to arrange transport for anyone. I booked (and paid for) a couple of taxis for friends who were travelling from abroad. It just seemed a nice thing to do when you consider the huge expense for them to travel to the UK only to see me. I "booked" a very reliable friend to chauffeur my grand mother.

For me, what is boring at a wedding is the hours waiting for the bride and groom and wedding party having their photos taken. I have been to a wedding where it went on for 3 hours! You are not included, and left standing with a glass of something.

You need the legal ceremony, then people expect a drink, most people have a meal, then a party, but it's entirely up to you. It depends on personal taste, and budget.

n0ne Mon 24-Oct-16 17:32:26

Just do what YOU want. I think the basics are your and bridesmaids dresses, suits for the groom/ushers, venue, food and drink (including cake), flowers, possibly cars for you and bridal party, music, photographer. That's it. Do people really expect chocolate fountains and photo booths??? Let them do that at their own weddings! And the groom should be sorting some of it, it's not your job alone.

Floridasunset Mon 24-Oct-16 17:59:38

I agree with the pp that says follow a list in a wedding mag. This will give you ideas of what you do or don't want and when you need to arrange them by.
Wedding fayres are also good as they will have local vendors

Floridasunset Mon 24-Oct-16 18:00:22

And Pinterest is amazing for ideas

RestlessTraveller Mon 24-Oct-16 18:06:30

Yep. Currently planning mine, when I started I had NO IDEA! Here are my tips so far.

Ask anyone you can, people love talking about their weddings. Ask for personal recommendations for florists, photographers and so on.

When you go to try dresses on seek the advice of the shop staff. I had an idea of what style I wanted and then I looked awful in it. The shop staff made suggestions and they were damn well on the money!

If your bridesmaids are being difficult think about allowing them to have different dresses in the same colour.

Someone , your mother, a friend, an aunt will be VERY enthusiastic. Use them!

Go to a wedding fair. Lost of suppliers and ideas.

Stay off Pinterest

You don't live in the north east by any chance do you?

pinkiponk Mon 24-Oct-16 18:10:24

Same as you op, I didn't have a clue. I also didn't care about the cake/flowers, all I cared about was providing a free bar for my guests! Oh and I made sure there was plenty of good food, the rest was inconsequential and no one would be able to remember anyway. (I can't remember what my friends flowers looked like at their weddings, iyswim)

WappersReturns Mon 24-Oct-16 18:22:18

You are not alone! I didn't have much to do with planning mine, I let MIL have free reign and she was in her element as DH is an only child and she thought she'd never get the chance to be hands on with wedding planning being mother of the groom. Happily she guided me through the whole thing because I was clueless grin

She did an awesome job, I absolutely couldn't have done it without her and she loved every minute of it.

Farmmummy Mon 24-Oct-16 18:22:56

I'm not girlie or wedding-y (not a word but it should be!) in fact truthfully I don't like big groups or being centre of attention nor is DH. We went to the Old Blacksmiths Cottage in Gretna Green with 10 including us although there are other rooms can cater for larger groups and then had a meal in Smiths hotel next door where we had stayed previous night and it was lovely, intimate and comfortable just about celebrating with those closest

Justwanttoweeinpeace Mon 24-Oct-16 18:23:53

I was a right lazy arse when I got married. This is what I actually managed:

- Book church/registry office (really the only important bit, along with getting the licence.)
- Asked our favourite restaurants if they'd do our reception. One said yes. I left them to do the venue flowers, menu and alcohol. If you pick somewhere you love, you should be okay to leave them to it.
- bought dress off the peg from a random shop. Forgot about it.
- put my mum in charge of flowers. All the mum based fun-times were confined to the flowers.
- Designed my own jpeg invitation and invited everyone by email.
- Printed out jpeg and posted to the old people.
- Got a mate to be the photographer.
- got mate to sort a Spotify playlist for the restaurant.
- booked cabs for transfer from ceremony to restaurant once I had numbers. Five per car, few extra spots for luck.
- stuck as much cash as possible behind the bar so no one paid for anything.
- got mate who always looks amazing to do my hair
- did my own makeup after a few lessons (much fun)
- took the bridesmaids shopping for dresses. I gave them a budget.
- left all the bloke stuff (suits, speeches, etc) to DH.
- found a charity we both loved and set up a justgiving page up as our gift register.


Everyone got massively pissed and had a great time. I didn't have a breakdown.

It needs to be as complicated as you want to make it, but be prepared to ignore anyone with alternative opinions. They get to choose when it's their wedding grin

Justwanttoweeinpeace Mon 24-Oct-16 18:28:45

Ooh - and your hen do is your chief bridesmaids problem. Just make sure you're gracious and game for a laugh at the event.

PigInMuck86 Mon 24-Oct-16 19:18:01

Nope - we got married three months after getting engaged and my gran planned it as i didn't have a clue

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