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if I knock these lifts on the head?

(201 Posts)
GetOutMyCar Mon 24-Oct-16 15:20:57

I started a course in September which is a 45 minute drive away from where I live. There are no direct transport links so it takes around 1-2 hours on public transport. There's a woman who lives near me who also goes and pretty much since we started I've been giving her a lift home.

Last week her DD moved to a nursery near the college so now I take a slight detour to pick her up on the way home. This wouldn't be a problem except she panders to her DD's hatred of the carseat and it's driving me up the bloody wall.

Every single time she goes to get in the front seat with her DD on her lap. Every time I tell her that no, that she has to be in the carseat. Her DD then screams her head off for the entire journey. Mum takes off her own seatbelt and kneels on the passenger seat to try and entertain her, to no avail. Today she was somewhat insistent that her DD sit in the front with her. I insisted she went in the seat. So mum sat in the back 'to keep her quiet'. 5 minutes after joining the motorway it all goes quiet in the back. She's only gone and taken her DD out of the seat and put her on her lap.

I'm bloody livid. AIBU to knock the lifts on the head even though it's going to leave her in a right mess?

user1477282676 Mon 24-Oct-16 15:23:44

God I was going to say YABU but no way would I do this! she sounds unhinged! She will be far safer on public transport.

Just tell her "Sorry but I won't be able to give you a lift next week."

Tell her in time to work something else the bus times!

EnoughAlready43 Mon 24-Oct-16 15:24:04

Yep -
i'd tell her its no longer working and stop giving them lifts.

ENormaSnob Mon 24-Oct-16 15:24:39

Yanbu at all.

If a child isnt restrained appropriately isnt it deemed the drivers reaponsibility?

Diamogs Mon 24-Oct-16 15:24:47

Bloody hell YA so NBU

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 24-Oct-16 15:25:17

Yes. At say you can give the lifts anymore. Do not get into a discussion about it

e1y1 Mon 24-Oct-16 15:25:44

No YADNBU - As they driver, you are responsible for all passengers (and by law responsible seatbelt wise for all children).

You'd be risking fines/points on your licence, let alone heaven forbid an accident where there could be serious injuries.

Would drive (excuse the pun) me up the wall.

e1y1 Mon 24-Oct-16 15:25:57


LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 24-Oct-16 15:26:15

Not unreasonable at all. That foolish woman and her child are missiles who could kill you in the event that there is an accident.

She still has public transport as an option and will perhaps have to re-jig her arrangements to fit but that's not your worry, it's her arrogance.

ohfourfoxache Mon 24-Oct-16 15:26:22

Fucking hell, I'd be stopping lifts immediately shock

DiscoMike Mon 24-Oct-16 15:26:29

No way would I drove with an unrestrained child in the car. Tell her no.

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers Mon 24-Oct-16 15:26:30

Incredibly dangerous and as the driver you might have done liability.

PoppyBirdOnAWire Mon 24-Oct-16 15:26:31

Stop the lifts. You don't need this hassle full

RiverTam Mon 24-Oct-16 15:27:52

Absolutely not. Stupid stupid stupid woman.

MsMermaid Mon 24-Oct-16 15:28:32

Nobody is allowed in my car without a seat belt on or appropriate car seat.

So yanbu at all. You could let her know that the next time either her or the baby are not properly restrained in the car will be the last time you give them a lift.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Mon 24-Oct-16 15:28:47

Not really on topic but why on earth did she put her daughter in a nursery so far from home?

BiddyPop Mon 24-Oct-16 15:29:21

"I know your DD doesn't like the car seat. It is the law and for her own safety. But as she seems to be having such problems with it, I think for HER sake, you need to find another option. I won't be able to take you after the end of this week."

iknowimcoming Mon 24-Oct-16 15:29:26

At the point I saw the baby on her lap I would have stopped the car and refused to drive further until she was strapped in. YADNBU!

chickenowner Mon 24-Oct-16 15:30:24

Yep, I think it would be your responsibility if there was a crash.

You have asked and asked her to put her DD in the car seat. She has ignored you many times. I think the only reasonable thing for you to do is to stop giving her lifts.

RosieSW Mon 24-Oct-16 15:30:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laiste Mon 24-Oct-16 15:30:57

You're not being unreasonable at all.

Find a time to have a calm chat with her at a time when the child isn't about. Don't do it when you're all in the car and the child is crying and you're all riled up.

Tell her something like look, i have no problem with doing the lifts (is she giving petrol money btw?) but i will get prosecuted if i'm caught with the child out of restraints and i'm not prepared to risk that ever again.

How would you feel if it was just the fact that the child was screaming the whole journey? In the car seat. To be honest the child hating the car seat could be your ticket to get out of giving the lifts altogether.

JosephineMaynard Mon 24-Oct-16 15:31:21


Aside from the obvious safety aspects, as the driver, you're the person legally responsible for making sure any children in the car are properly secured in a child seat. The mum's not the person who'll get into bother with the police if you get spotted with the child on her mum's knee. Our local police have been having a published crackdown on kids not in the right car seat recently, pulling random cars with kids in over to check car seats etc.

If I was feeling charitable about it, I might give her an ultimatum - tell her kid has to go in car seat with no arguments from mum, everyone keeps their seatbelt on for the whole journey, first time either one of them doesn't stay belted in for the whole journey will be the last time they get a lift - but that's as far as I'd be willing to go.

galaxygirl45 Mon 24-Oct-16 15:31:32

I'd be honest, and say no car seat, no lift. You'd be the one fined or imprisoned if you had an accident, not her. But who in their right mind doesn't strap a child in??!!

VforVienetta Mon 24-Oct-16 15:31:42

YANBU in any way whatsoever - she's putting you in a very difficult position and it doesn't sound like she's acting with any respect for any of your lives you.
No need to continue, just let her know the lifts are over, you've been very patient.

ImperialBlether Mon 24-Oct-16 15:32:26

Children Under 3 years old

In the Front Seat

The child MUST use the correct child restraint.

It is illegal to carry a child in a rear-facing child seat in the front if there is an active front passenger airbag. In this case the airbag must be deactivated or the rear-facing child seat must be placed in the rear.

In the Rear Seat

The child MUST use the correct child restraint.

It is the driver's legal responsibility to ensure that the child is correctly restrained within the law. Children under 3 years old cannot be carried in a car that does not have seat belts fitted.

The only exception is that a child under 3 years may travel unrestrained in the rear of a licensed taxi or licensed private hire car that has a fixed partition separating the front and rear seats, if a child restraint or seat belt is not available. However this only applies on an unexpected journey.

Children aged 3 to 11 years and under 135cm tall
In the Front Seat

The child MUST use the correct child restraint.

In the Rear Seat

The child MUST use the correct restraint, where seat belts are fitted.

There are three exceptions where a child may travel in a seat belt rather than a child seat, if a child seat is not available. These are if the child is travelling:

in the rear seats of a licensed taxi or private hire vehicle
if the child is travelling a short distance and the journey is necessary and unexpected
if there are two occupied child restraints in the rear prevent a third one being fitted.

In addition, children aged 3 years or over may travel unrestrained in the rear seat of a car that does not have seat belts fitted, provided it was originally manufactured without seat belts.

It is the driver's legal responsibility to ensure that the child is correctly restrained.

You need to pass this information on. You would be to blame legally if there was an accident and the little girl went through the window (which she would.) If you are agitated by this (as anyone would be) then your driving will suffer, making it even more likely there'd be an accident.

I wouldn't give her a lift any more but I would tell her why, in a text or email.

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