To wish DH hadn't sent me this text.(29 Posts)
I have been suffering with vertigo/headaches on and off for 3 weeks now. Have been taking stemetil which takes the edge off it.
My mum recently passed away and we are going to use my inheritance as a down payment on a house.
Sent DP a text today as we have had the mortgage appointment confirmed. DH texted back "but you have to get better as all this is no use if you lose your job".
Have kept in touch with my manager throughout my time off and have even been in the office working when I can.
This is a very real worry for me which she assures me is not an issue. She understands the pressure my body had been through and says not to worry about work.
At worst I would go onto stage 1 of a 3 stage absence management procedure.
But now I feel like DH isn't so much worried about me being ill but worried I'll ruin everything regarding getting a house.
Maybe I'm just being over sensitive because I'm ill but it just really upset me.
Tell him to fuck off and go to the mortgage appointment on your own.
If he thinks health is controlled just by willing ourselves to get better wouldn't the world be a different place.
His text was very tactless. He is rightly concerned about the mortgage but shouldn't have expressed himself like that.
I think your dp just didn't express himself properly.
With getting a mortgage I think it is understandable he may worry about how stable your employment is.
Text isn't really the right way to have conversations about such things.
He's worried too. He text was thoughtless, but a proper conversation where you both share your worries with each other will make you feel more like a team.
He was rather blunt - but it is kind of a valid point. Sadly you can't help your current poor health - but if it continues into the long term any employer would ultimately consider their options.
Is he being dramatic? - is this an illness that is likely to have a short defined shelf life, or could it be a chronic condition? If the latter then you do need to be realistic about financial decisions, mortgages etc
I agree with triffle I can understand him being concerned but he could of worded it a bit better or not said anything - but it's obviously on his mind causing worry.
Without knowing your DH it's hard to say if he is being unkind or has just put his foot in his mouth. That message could read as "you getting better is the priority; don't stress yourself out with this (the meeting/the whole moving process) too much. Maybe we should hold back for a while."
It's a tricky one. Yes, he expressed himself extremely tactlessly. But he is correct that unless you are able to maintain repayments on the mortgage it will be for nothing and you will lose both house and deposit. Is it the best time to get a mortgage?
This is why I hate texts, without being able to hear somebody's tone and see the expressions many texts are taken the wrong way
He didn't express it in the right way but he does have a valid point and a mortgage is a massive thing so I think I'd be worried if he didn't worry about how stable your job is.
Well I think it was a shitty and insensitive thing to say. Whatever the reality (and you obviously need to deal with that head on) there was no need to be so callous.
hope your health gets better soon
I would be keeping my inheritance for myself.
Yes it's not put across in the best way but I agree with pumpkin this is why I hate texts
He does have a point, I know you can't help being ill but a mortgage is a massive thing and if your job isn't going to be secure due to illness then it would all be for nothing.
It sounds to me like your job/mortgage is on his mind.
Maybe the two of you need a sit down chat?
Is your illness a long term thing? Or are you expected to improve enough to return to work in the near future?
Without your job is there another way to pay your mortgage?
Is now the best time to be looking at buying a house? Maybe you need to get yourself back to 100% first
I think you need to see an ear nose and throat specialist ASAP. Put everything else on hold.
My cousin had this vertigo and nausea and she had a benign tumour growing in her skull, near her ear and it was pressing on her labyrinth in her inner ear. She had to have surgery to remove it, and is fine.
Have you had any tests, or just anti nausea meds from the GP.
Push for an appointment. Don't mean to worry you but getting a mortgage might be the least of your worries.
You need to tell your DH how upset his thoughtless text has made you and he needs to know that being ill isn't a personal choice.
I suggest you have a chat or three.
And do please first off, get referred to see a specialist ENT. Insist your GP makes the appointment for you. You may need a MRI scan. I'd pay for it privately.
Sorry about your loss of your mum, but maybe this is her way of looking after you? Take care.
I'm so sorry you lost your mum.
Have you taken any antibiotics recently, OP? I had vertigo after taking some and the treatment worked very quickly.
I would expect headaches from such a stressful situation, but not vertigo - surely that has a purely physical cause?
Are you happy with your partner? That money from your mum might be your opportunity to go it alone.
Tell the incentive fuckwit that your going to the appointment and getting the house on your pen what a heartless cruel unneeded thing to say he is not aware that you have probably already gone through all of these scenarios in your head. I completely get why you upset over what he said I was off work for 6 weeks over my knee and I was really worried that I would lose my job as well and my home if I couldn't pay the bills so I too would've been extremely upset if someone had said the same thing to me.
I don't see that he was heartless and cruel at all. I think it was a perfectly sensible thing to say!
Thanks for the messages. DH is usually so supportive and he has been great while my mum was ill and through my bereavement. Which is why this has caught me so off guard.
I can understand he's worried but it just seems like more pressure right now I don't need. I'm trying to focus on getting better so my life can get back to normal.
While I understand he's worried about this I think it was just insensitive to do it this way.
venusrising there's always one isn't there who thinks scaremongering is helpfull the OP never asked about her vertigo so there really was no need to frighten her by telling her about your cousin your just as tactless as her DP. I hope your cousin is alright now and FWIW my Aunty suffers from vertigo every time she stands up or walks and hers wasn't caused by no tumore it started off as an ear infection.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Grief ravages your spirit, your mind and your body. It is not at all unusual for those in its throes to experience all kinds of physical symptoms that are the outworkings of such strong emotion. I think anyone who has been through that will probably understand this. Your manager sounds sympathetic, which is good, and suggests that she really sees what you are going through. Your DH clearly doesn't.
I understand the need to make a downpayment on your house, but it may be a good use of a small amount of the money to pay for some counselling to help you through this difficult patch. It can really help to talk about your loss with someone who is trained to listen, and speaking about it may help relieve some of the physical pain that your body is in. In the long run, it may well pay for itself many times over.
I'd leave off buying a house right now - this is your sign that it is too much currently. It's bloody stressful at the best of times.
I've had exactly the same illness so I feel your pain!!! When you are going through an 'attack' (which can take weeks to resolve) it feels like you'll never get better. But you will. I found that it also makes you feel really low and everything seems worse than it is, it's as if you feel you'll never be 'normal again'. I've been taking Stemetil which helps, but also having vestibular rehabilitation, tinnitus counselling and, when I'm really 'spinning', the Epley manouvre.
Listen, it will get better. You should definitely go to the appointment. You won't lose your job. Your boss sounds really understanding. And, as stress is a trigger to this illness, try to relax as much as possible because it does make it worse. You've had a lot on your plate recently (sorry to hear about your mum).Mindfulness techniques help. Your husband is probably just worrying about you. Plus, it's a bit hard to understand the illness unless you are living it. There's a really good page for relatives and friends on the Menieres.org website. Print it out and make your DH read it.
He's probably just anxious about the big step to becoming a real grown-up and taking on a mortgage. Don't overthink this.
It's a big step and I remember how worried we were when we first did this. So pleased that your workplace takes a sympathetic and understanding view of your current troubles. I am sure your DP does too - he is just struggling with the anxiety of taking on this financial responsibility between you. The last thing you need at the moment is to fall out with him.
So sorry for the loss of your Mum - it is a hard moment in anyone's life.
Sorry about your Mum OP .Have you been checked out for Labyrinthitis? I have a couple of friends who suffer from this, which comes and goes.Same symptoms you describe and a course of meds keeps it under control though it does come back.Wishing you well.Think your DP is worried and it came across badly in the text.Wish you well.
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