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To be really annoyed with my Mum and sister re co-sleeping and smoking?

(20 Posts)
KittensWithWeapons Mon 24-Oct-16 04:43:45

So, my family are in the wonderful position of being able to spend loads of time with my gorgeous nephew. I'm an occasional smoker, as in have the odd cigarette with a glass of wine. When going to visit my baby nephew, I make sure I'm showered, with freshly washed clothes, without a trace of smoke on them.
So my sister and Mum stayed over the other night, with other sister and BIL and nephew. Said sister is a fairly heavy, 20 a day smoker. When minding nephew, she brought him in to bed with her. When Mum told me this, I pointed out that co-sleeping is not advisable with smokers, and that it increases the risk of SIDS. Mum got very defensive, as she always does with younger sister. It went from 'she brought him in to bed to snooze with her' to 'oh, well he wasn't really in the bed, he was just on the bed next to her'. So same thing, really.

I don't want to be stirring up animosity by telling my older sister that younger sister is doing this. But at the same time, it is risky, and I really don't think my younger sister should be doing it. Feck. What do I do?

IrregularCommentary Mon 24-Oct-16 04:52:43

Tell her. She has a right to know if it's her son.

redcaryellowcar Mon 24-Oct-16 04:55:23

Point her in the direction of the lullaby trust website. I have a family member who lost a baby at three months, (unrelated to smoking) we take safe sleeping very seriously in our family.

SmallBee Mon 24-Oct-16 04:55:59

Absolutely tell her, I would want to know. There are some things you bite your tongue about for family harmony but a risk to an infants life is not one of them.

milkshakeandmonstermunch Mon 24-Oct-16 05:00:49

You have to tell her!

swimmerforlife Mon 24-Oct-16 05:08:44

Tell her, a family fall out is better than a baby dying of SIDS.

TataEs Mon 24-Oct-16 05:09:52

tell her. you have to. i'd want to know.

Tootsiepops Mon 24-Oct-16 05:11:55

Your sister is doing something that's a known risk to your nephew, but you don't want to tell his mum? Why on earth not?

Twodogsandahooch Mon 24-Oct-16 05:28:29

How old is the baby? I wouldn't want anyone co sleeping with my baby, smoker or not.

44PumpLane Mon 24-Oct-16 08:50:30

I would want to know- it's a known risk factor and a high one at that.

Just to add- I think that you ensuring you're freshly washed in fresh clothing is lovely and the right thing to do. It's such a short period of time that you'll need to be so cautious and very much worth doing so well done.

But please tell your older sister.

Gottagetmoving Mon 24-Oct-16 09:00:48

Tell your sister but let the other sister know you are going to tell her. Don't do it behind her back.
If you are concerned then of course you need to tell.
People have done this for years and still do.
A member of my family who is a smoker has co slept with all four of her children. Thankfully, they have all been ok so she didn't see the harm in it at all despite having been told it was a stupid and dangerous thing to do.
The mother needs to know....but I suspect she may already know.

NavyandWhite Mon 24-Oct-16 09:06:16

Print off an article off the Internet.
Give it to her to keep.

MatildaTheCat Mon 24-Oct-16 09:36:39

Of course tell your sister. BUT, although clean clothes etc are a good thing the danger to your nephew is the toxins in exhaled breath so don't let your DM think that she will be ok so long as she brushes her teeth and wears clean pjs because that's not the case.

An excellent incentive to quit?

Fluffsnuts Mon 24-Oct-16 10:57:40

Of course you need to tell her.

DS is 9 months and only I co-sleep with him. Anyone else, smoker or not is a huge risk to his safety.

furryminkymoo Mon 24-Oct-16 11:29:44

Can you get a leaflet about the risks? I think that the NHS do some?

I am going to ask my Mid Wife about leaflets as my MIL smokes, she will literally have a cigarette before walking into our house or getting in our car. She won't believe anything I say, I don't want to fall out with her so I will give her a leaflet or if I can't find a leaflet I will print something out off the internet.

ToastyFingers Mon 24-Oct-16 12:09:26

I think it depends on how old the nephew is, if he's 2, then it's not a big deal really, if he a baby, then yes, I'd tell her.

toptoe Mon 24-Oct-16 12:13:38

No-one but mum should cosleep with the baby. Anyone else, including dad, is at risk of rolling on baby as in their sleep they 'forget' they are there. And yes, the smoking is a known risk factor too. As is someone who has been drinking etc. But above all that, the fact that it's aunt and not mum is the biggest risk factor.

Temporaryname137 Mon 24-Oct-16 12:15:33

I would go ballistic if anyone had done this with DD. You should tell your sister IMO. Sorry you're in this position though.

Pickled0nions Mon 24-Oct-16 12:20:38

You can tell her but do you think she's going to listen to you and appreciate your advice? Probably not I assume.

Sisters just don't listen to sisters. They think they're being patronising.
You can tell her but really it's her own decisions and choices that she has to make for the welfare of her own child. You can't parent an adult.

Marshmallow92 Mon 24-Oct-16 23:36:56

I would not be happy if a family member was doing that with my child, co-sleeping is risky enough let alone when there's smoking involved. I've been in a kind of similar situation where I don't think people have realised the seriousness of smoking around little ones. If your nephews mum has okayed it, then that's her choice, but as she's unaware I'm guessing she wouldn't be too impressed with it. I'd want to know and would want people to respect my choice of them not smoking around little one.

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