to think DP shouldn't take things out of the house?

(72 Posts)
unlucky83 Sun 23-Oct-16 21:26:43

DP has form for this - it is one of the things he does that drives me insane...
He 'borrows' things from the house -often doesn't ask/tell -then when you are looking for them and ask him if he has seen them says -oh that's in my car/at work/at my friends...
Latest thing is a big plastic tub I have - it is a small bucket really and I use it for soaking things before washing or full of hot soapy water to wash windows etc. It fits perfectly on a shelf in my under sink cupboard - so I can put something soaking on the shelf rather than on display.
Yesterday I left it next to the sink in the kitchen - just looking for it everywhere and asked him - it is in my car, used it washing it earlier.
(We don't have a drive - the car will parked a few minutes a way on the street and it is pissing down with rain...and he would have gone to work in his car tomorrow ....) I have to say I had a tub like this before and he borrowed it and lost it...(and it isn't easy to find one the right size)
And it isn't just this - he asked if he could borrow a hedge cutter for his friend. I do the gardening and I have two - a long reach battery operated one and a corded one. Why couldn't his friend borrow one - why did I even need 2? The long reach one gets heavy and obviously the battery needs charging...so I decided another one would be handy...
His friend isn't very reliable but I said he could borrow the corded one if DP used it with him, took it and brought it straight back and was prepared to replace it if nec (the battery one was £180 -so I wouldn't lend that one out).
You can guess the rest - nice sunny dry day, room in garden waste bin -went to trim a hedge, battery one needs charging, can't find the corded one anywhere - phone him. It is in his car at work 15 miles away ...(actually I think it was at his friend's) - he'll bring it home in 5 hrs - why didn't I ask for it the day before I needed it?
Maybe because I bought it and have it for a reason - so I have one to hand...and if I get the opportunity I can use it...
These aren't the only egs - this has gone on for years - eg he used to have a restaurant and 'borrowed' the salad spinner, my roasting fork (bought when I was a chef), even the WD40... you hardly use them, ask me the day before and I'll bring them back ... why should I need to plan ahead like that - and also if you haven't told me I don't even know I need to ask!
He is better at asking before taking now...but still - please tell me AINBU and it would drive anyone insane?

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead Sun 23-Oct-16 21:30:24

That would drive me nuts.

The problem is that he's acting like they're HIS things and you should do the planning/running around if you want to use them. Which is clearly ridiculous.

ClopySow Sun 23-Oct-16 21:32:38

Yeah, would drive me nuts and i wouldn't leg him borrow anything.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 23-Oct-16 21:34:31

Lack of respect for boundaries here.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Sun 23-Oct-16 21:36:10

he needs a dose of his own medicine here....borrow his phone or car keys, something that will inconvenience him.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 23-Oct-16 21:36:35

YADNBU, he sounds very thoughtless - you need to sit down with him, go through the examples one by one (having asked him not to interrupt till you get to the end) then ask him not to do this again as it's clear he can't be trusted with joint possessions outside the home.

2kids2dogsnosense Sun 23-Oct-16 22:06:48

This would drive me crackers. My DH often moves stuff and puts it away in a place he thinks is more appropriate, but it's very rare he can't put his hands on it straight away, and that's annoying enough.

Next time just say know and when he asks why just say - because you never bring it back and I have to ask for it.

Ohyesiam Sun 23-Oct-16 22:11:44

Yes would drove me nuts, yadnbu. I like the idea of not letting him interrupt till you have explained how crazy making it is.
Mind you if that's his main fault, he doesn't sound to bad.

FerretFred Sun 23-Oct-16 22:14:02

You can shag the neighbour, drink to oblivion or smoke crack. But under no circumstances touch the hedge trimmers......

unlucky83 Sun 23-Oct-16 22:18:45

Phew - thankfully no-one thinks I am being unreasonable....
I have in the past tried reasoning, shouting, crying with frustration...
It is thoughtless more than anything ...I've just told him I am going to get 'my tub' and could he not leave it outside the house again (he's in bed has to be up really early for work tomorrow) - he said you have a problem with me borrowing it twice a year? No I don't have a problem with you borrowing it - I have a problem with you not telling me and even more with you not putting it back where it belongs...
Also I think he also thinks something in the house is 'ours' which means he can use it too - which he can - but that doesn't mean taking it out of the house...I have to be able to use it too (don't get me started on the 'special' veg peeler..the one that I went to trouble to get as I couldn't get on with any others and he borrowed for work and left it there - as he used it more than I did and the others were useless ....grrrr)
Rant over....
grin ferret actually that would be less irritating...

PoldarksBreeches Sun 23-Oct-16 22:18:50

It's very disrespectful.

PoldarksBreeches Sun 23-Oct-16 22:20:30

Right - so when he asks all outraged why you mind him borrowing things tell him! Tell him yes you do mind it because he doesn't bring things back. Tell him explicitly he doesn't have permission to borrow anything to remove it from the house ever again. If he moans then that tell you everything- he doesn't care.

grandmainmypocket Sun 23-Oct-16 22:26:16

That would drive me bananas. YANBU

Aderyn2016 Sun 23-Oct-16 22:32:47

Ltb, he is a twat!

HerOtherHalf Sun 23-Oct-16 22:38:16

Maybe you should quit the presence and stop referring to him as your partner. If it's all your stuff he's really just a lodger.

talesofthevillage Sun 23-Oct-16 22:44:34

I used to live with DH above his business.
I would go to get the milk - no milk.
I would go to get the butter - no butter.
You get the idea. Things migrated out my house to downstairs.

It's not nice behaviour.

TrinityForce Sun 23-Oct-16 22:48:19

fucking hell

that's so unreasonable of him i don't even have words that aren't sweary.

Oakmaiden Sun 23-Oct-16 22:53:00

You live together? As a single household? If so he probably doesn't see it as "borrowing your stuff" he just sees it as using "household stuff".

I don't really see why it is such a big deal.

redexpat Sun 23-Oct-16 22:53:38

I have to hide the child sized nail clippers. When i go to get them and theyre not there I ask DH where they are, he shrugs and says dunno. Same with any gardening tools. He just has no respect for stuff. He is pretty bad with his stuff too. Also picking the kids up, leaving their stuff in his car and then driving to work at 6am before we get up and find we have no coats, hats, gloves etc.

unlucky83 Sun 23-Oct-16 22:59:05

I don't mind that he uses things...I do mind if they disappear and aren't available for use if I need them.
And if I say 'mine' it is because it is something I have decided I need and gone to the trouble of buying/finding -
He has hair trimmers - I didn't buy them because I don't need them - they are 'his'. I wouldn't dream of borrowing them without asking and leaving them somewhere miles away - or lending them to a friend on a long term loan...cos he could always ask me the day before he needed them ...
Yes it is household stuff - but surely that belongs in the house - not all over everywhere -anywhere but the house...

heymammy Sun 23-Oct-16 23:04:30

Ex dp did this, it used to boil my piss.

The most annoying was using kitchen cutlery/implements for shitty, dirty diy jobs. Like using the kids' plastic ikea bowls to smear grease in or using the kids' plastic spoons to stir chilli with. He used ds's very own bucket (that he chose from Wilko's for 72p!) for some outdoor job and broke it (didn't replace it either) and on and on and on.

To me it just showed a huge lack of respect for other people's property, he seemed to think that if it was in the house then it was fair game hmm

heymammy Sun 23-Oct-16 23:05:59

Oh and don't get me started on the kitchen tea towels...the amount that I found randomly left outside overnight in all weather, smeared with crap, grrrr!

Meadows76 Sun 23-Oct-16 23:08:32

I'm slightly confused as well, do you live together?

Happyhippy45 Sun 23-Oct-16 23:15:37

My DH does this to a lesser extent. Drives me nuts. Borrows things for our work kitchen and forgets to take them home. Needs(prefers) to use my car so takes my key out my pocket and doesn't put it back so when i need to use it, in get to the car, pat my pocket and then have to go and get the spare one (up two flights of stairs.)
Takes the tobacco out of the "roll up tub" to roll a roll up. Then puts it in his jacket/trouser pocket and buggers off......so if I want one I need to go to the shops to get more.

Bogeyface Sun 23-Oct-16 23:22:17

I am married and there is still stuff that is mine and stuff that is his.

Pretty much anything in the cooking department is mine, properly actually mine. Chosen by me, sourced by me, paid for by me and used by me. I would expect him to ask if he wants to take it out of the house or lend it to someone else. He has a lot of art supplies and I would always ask if I could borrow it if I need it (once only so far) because it is his. I wouldnt take it and then expect him to magically know in order to ask for it back. I once borrowed his hair clippers to do my dads hair as dads had broken. He was totally fine with it, but I asked anyway as thats what you do, and I brought them straight back.

We have our own electronics, he asks to use my laptop, I ask to use his tablet, but the desktop is "ours".

Taking things that are predominantly used by someone else and not returning it is not on, and it doesnt matter if you are married/living together, its basic common courtesy!

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