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SIL doesn't get NC

(10 Posts)
LovelyBath77 Sun 23-Oct-16 17:00:09

I have gone NC with my mother (possible undiagnosed PD) for the sake of my own mental health. Recently, my brother and his wife visited and I got questioned on this from SIL. Things like why don't I explain how I feel, I can always speak to my brother about it. That i should say at the time if the stuff my mum does upsets me. I was a bit taken aback. I don't know SIL very well. Then she said she'd seen the texts on my mum's phone. (from before I went NC). I should have asked why? (odd for mum to share these and even odder if she looked without asking). Then I was asked what I had been talking about with my brother earlier (just he was asking if mum had been being a nightmare again). I just find it all a bit interfering. Even if you don't understand NC (I had given the address for Out of the FOG site for info) why try to get others to change. I wasn't trying to tell them what to do. Or AIBU? Feeling confused. I can't imagine quizzing her about her relationship with her mother.

BackforGood Sun 23-Oct-16 17:03:07

I should imagine she was doing what she could to heal what is clearly a rift in her family.
If she doesn't understand why, or how a relationship can get to that stage, she was trying to find out, and see if there is anything she can do to help bridge that gap.

myownprivateidaho Sun 23-Oct-16 17:05:22

I'd imagine she had your brother's encouragement or that he was behind it tbh. She has no other reason to care after all.

TaliDiNozzo Sun 23-Oct-16 17:07:59

Sounds to me like she's overstepping the mark out of kindness. Possibly misplaced, but could well be genuine care.

MatildaTheCat Sun 23-Oct-16 17:13:50

Is she herself from a lovely close family and also a bit of a fixer? She might well be young and naive enough to think that all family difficulties can be sorted out over a nice chat and a cup of tea.

Possibly she also doesn't know your mother very well?

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Sun 23-Oct-16 17:22:47

Sounds like your mother (by showing SIL the texts) is trying to paint herself as the victim and is possibly manipulating her into being a flying monkey (wizard of oz ref - she's unknowingly doing her dirty work for her).

I would simply state that it's between you and your mother and it is not up for discussion.

HmmmmBop Sun 23-Oct-16 17:30:39

My DSS's partner is like this, he is very young and seems to think that his perception of events (with only part of the story) is the only correct version.

DSD went NC with her mum about 15 years ago, DSS's partner seems to think it's all ridiculous and she ought to just suck it up.

DixieWishbone Sun 23-Oct-16 17:36:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LovelyBath77 Sun 23-Oct-16 17:46:06

Thanks for your replies. Yes maybe it's a flying monkey type thing. I don't think SIL's family is very complete but yes it may be part of trying to keep things together / fixing etc. I'm not sure whether to query my bro on it further or just let it got for now.

Trifleorbust Sun 23-Oct-16 17:56:03

However well-intended, she isn't your sibling and has no right to interfere with your relationship with your mum. I would politely tell her to mind her own business.

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