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AIBU?

in setting a cut-off date for xmas?

53 replies

Morporkia · 23/10/2016 11:11

DS (22) is at uni a couple of hours away, lives with his gf who works full time. DD (18) lives at home, has gf who is very close to her mum. My AIBU moment stems from conversation i had with both of them (separately, but outcome much the same) All i want to know is if they will be home at xmas, and whether their OH's will be joining us. If they are, fantastic. If they're not, also fantastic as DH and I will be able to go out for christmas dinner for the first time in 25 years. But can i get an answer? dunno, dunno, dunno. every time i ask. not even a "will find out what gf is doing and let you know" thinking of giving them both till halloween and if they don't have at least a possible decision, booking a table for me and DH. but then i feel like the WWM...

OP posts:

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Gizlotsmum · 23/10/2016 11:13

Tricky. I think a deadline is a god idea but at that age I probably wouldn't know until late November. We are only vaguely sorting Christmas here as in laws are organised and away...

Randytortoise · 23/10/2016 11:13

Yanbu. You can't keep just hanging on or you won't be able to book a table if they decide not to come. Also I don't know about you bit I like to start organising/ordering food mid November.

Rosae · 23/10/2016 11:16

Umm... id say Halloween is too early. But I don't do Christmas this early so haven't even really thought about plans yet. I wouldn't have at that age and if my OH had been asking me about spending Christmas with his parent's place I'd not have been able to give an answer for not knowing about my family's plans yet.

myownprivateidaho · 23/10/2016 11:16

I think wanting to know by end of November is fair enough, so you've got time to get food in etc. But end of October is really harsh. Are you worried you will not be able to get a booking somewhere? Could you perhaps just book the table and then cancel if at the end of Nov if need be?

ChristmasEvePJs · 23/10/2016 11:16

Not unreasonable at all, you have given a weeks notice. Perhaps stress you don't mind if they want to go else where on the off chance they are trying not to offend you both.

haveacupoftea · 23/10/2016 11:18

Book yourself a table now, tell them you arent making xmas dinner, if things change or they get horribly upset you can cancel the booking.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 23/10/2016 11:18

I plan Xmas months in advance. Book your dinner out and enjoy it. You can still see the kids on the day if they are about!

Laiste · 23/10/2016 11:19

Why don't you just say 'i need to know by next week so me and DH can book a table if you're not coming'?

And then next week ask if it's a yes or no.

JustCallMeKate · 23/10/2016 11:20

I had the exact same scenario when my lot were at home. I got fed up waiting for an answer so booked a meal out for DH and I and told them to sort themselves out with Christmas dinner arrangements. I didn't mind whether they went elsewhere etc, it was the lack of answers that annoyed me. DH and I go out every year now and I host a buffet on Boxing Day for friends/family.

JustCallMeKate · 23/10/2016 11:21

To those saying book a table and cancel, restaurants near us take deposits on booking. The OP would maybe lose her deposit if she cancelled.

Morporkia · 23/10/2016 11:30

my prob is that i used to work in hotels where the xmas day bookings would be sold out by 1st october. EVERY SINGLE YEAR! if we don't want to end up in the local harvester or Toby carvery, I need to know sooner rather than later..but DC's just don't seem to be able to compute that their father and I also have a life...also last year was a mad rush because DD said she was going with gf, DS not sure, not sure, not sure then turned up 2 days BC... DD changed her mind a week before (gf's mum was living a 7 hour coach journey away, she now back in same town) and we ended up having to do a mad shop on xmas eve, instead of getting slightly sloshed.

OP posts:

Morporkia · 23/10/2016 11:32

and yes Kate, the places i have called want deposits, average being £40. This might not seem a lot, but it's more than i'm prepared to lose on an off chance...

OP posts:

sophiestew · 23/10/2016 11:36

I totally get this! My teens are just the bloody same. They don't know why I can't just "chill and go with the flow" "Why can't you be more spontaneous mum?"

Gives me the utter rage.

GIve then until 15 November and tell them if they haven't decided by then you are booking a meal out just for you and DH.

Good luck!

haveacupoftea · 23/10/2016 11:40

Book and don't cancel then. Tell them to make alternative plans. If they arrive last minute you could see if the restaurant might accomodate them.

Morporkia · 23/10/2016 11:41

DH thinks we should say bollox to the pair of them and feck off for the entire xmas period..but he is a grumpy and contrary old sour-puss. and he would probably get all emotional over xmas dinner saying he missed the kids cos he likes to think he's grumpier than he actually is....Twat, but he's my twat and i love him, lol

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/10/2016 11:43

I feel for you OP, the indecision would piss me right off.

I like to be organised with the food order (already booked the slot) and know who's due to be here.

CheckpointCharlie2 · 23/10/2016 11:44

I love that description of your DH!

YouTheCat · 23/10/2016 11:46

Tell the kids what you're planning. Then book it anyway. That way they have to make their own plans and can 'go with the flow' if that's what they want to do.

Maybe plan a day of buffet type food and chilling where you have a bit of an open house.

blueturtle6 · 23/10/2016 11:47

Yanbu!! I was stressing in august as didn't know if we we're moving before hand. I like to get organised and buy the non fresh stuff over few months and also I like to plan a nice menu, specifically dependant on who's there.

YouTheCat · 23/10/2016 11:47

Meant to say 'day of chilling but on a day other than CD'.

blueturtle6 · 23/10/2016 11:48

Yanbu!! I was stressing in august as didn't know if we we're moving before hand. I like to get organised and buy the non fresh stuff over few months and also I like to plan a nice menu, specifically dependant on who's there.

JustCallMeKate · 23/10/2016 11:52

he is a grumpy and contrary old sour-puss.

Sounds like my DH ha ha We went to Tenerife one year (his suggestion) and he whined the whole day. I loved it got pished and never missed the whole arranging dinner, entertaining thing.

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diddl · 23/10/2016 11:54

I'd think that abouy another week & you'd need to be booking.

Is there a particular place that you have in mind & if so have yopu checked when it takes bookings from?

JoJoSM2 · 23/10/2016 11:54

Have you communicated clearly enough? It looks like you might need to explain about prep involved, not wanting last minute madness and having or having to potentially book the meal for you + dh now... your dc sound young and oblivious to all of it... I'd explain the situation and ask to confirm in the next week.

JoJoSM2 · 23/10/2016 11:56

Ps could you book somewhere and cancel in, say, next couple of weeks or month without incurring costs?

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