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To not want to hold her baby??

(176 Posts)
randomname456 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:25:28

DP has arranged for us to visit a friend and her new baby next week (baby will be a few days old). I have never held a baby before! I'm also heavily pregnant and very excited to meet my baby. Months ago I was terrified about having a baby due to lack of experience....I'm still a bit terrified but more excited, and one of the things I'm excited about is that the first baby I hold will be my own. Does that sound a bit weird and as the title suggests aibu to not hold hers because of this reason? For clarity, this is not a very serious issue...Just feels a bit important to me.

LetMeHaveABloodyName Sun 23-Oct-16 09:27:54

I was the same when I got pregnant. Then held my colleagues baby & cousins baby throughout the pregnancy & actually felt it helped me. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a massive thing though - just do what you want & try not to offend the new mum with your refusal!

Spam88 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:33:22

I'm sure holding your own baby will be no less special because you've previously held a baby. I do think it's a little bit weird to be honest... And how will you resist a cuddle with the little newborn grin

Sweatynetty Sun 23-Oct-16 09:34:16

Yabu. And a bit odd. When your unborn DC is a few years old you will look back and laugh at this.

haveacupoftea Sun 23-Oct-16 09:35:09

Yeah it is a bit weird, but if thats what makes you happy then go for it, just say you've got sore arms or something grin

MadHattersWineParty Sun 23-Oct-16 09:35:51

It's a bit precious. Quick hold, coo a bit, job done. Don't see how that is going to take off any of the shine of holding your own baby.

If someone was about to have a baby but didn't want to hold an actual baby I was proffering, I'd thick they were a bit odd.

Only1scoop Sun 23-Oct-16 09:36:09

I'm not into holding babies but do it out of politeness. I think it's bit daft to wait to hold your own. Sounds slightly precious.

Nydj Sun 23-Oct-16 09:44:37

Try to think about how hurt you would be if someone came to see your new baby and then refused to hold him or her

randomname456 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:44:46

Yes it is a bit precious, I can see that smile I am a bit scared of holding it tbh, as I've no idea what I'm doing, and also don't want to offend the Mum, although I'm sure she'll just be knackered and a bit hmm at me!

Sweatynetty Sun 23-Oct-16 09:45:19

If you've no idea what you're doing then you probably should get some practice in...!

randomname456 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:46:31

Nydj* - I wouldn't be hurt at all as I can totally empathise with people not wanting to hold babies as I am one of them!

lostoldlogin2 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:47:45

I try and avoid holding other people's babies to be honest. I don't really understand the appeal. Perhaps I'm a cold hearted bitch ha! Who cares.
..if you want the first baby you hold to be your own do that. You aren't obliged to "have a cuddle" !

randomname456 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:49:15

Haha sweaty - I see your point, but I don't think a quick hold will furnish me with much knowledge...DP is amazing with babies so he's gonna help me massively.

SmallBee Sun 23-Oct-16 09:51:16

I'd just say you've got a bit of a cold and don't want to pass it on to the newborn. No one will question it and it's an acceptable reason not to get newborn cuddles.
YAB a tiny bit U but I get why.

Nydj Sun 23-Oct-16 09:54:30

In that case, I hope the new parents are equally understanding and aren't a bit hurt.

Creampastry Sun 23-Oct-16 09:54:48

Holding someone else's baby is nothing like holding your own so yabu and rather odd plus rude.

sonjadog Sun 23-Oct-16 09:58:03

Yep, say you have a cold. It will get you out of it without making it a big deal.

sonjadog Sun 23-Oct-16 09:58:57

I also don´t think you are being unreasonable. It is a bit odd yes, but we all have our quirky things and this isn´t a big one.

StinasChoice Sun 23-Oct-16 09:59:14

Also bear in mind you can easily visit a new baby and not hold it. It's not like a compulsory thing you must do. I've definitely been to visit babies & not asked to hold them, I think often the Mama would like to hold her own baby anyway, or the baby gets passed to so many people, no-one notices if you don't immediately grab him/ her.. smile

StinasChoice Sun 23-Oct-16 10:00:43

Not sure how to quote someone else's post, but I wouldn't say I had a cold (if I didn't) - as that would come across quite careless to visit a new baby & new mum when you have a cold..

PinkyOfPie Sun 23-Oct-16 10:02:20

YANBU, I don't always like holding newborn's when it's someone else's I've forgotten what to do confused

Why would someone be upset at a friend's partner not holding their baby?

BadToTheBone Sun 23-Oct-16 10:02:32

I don't think it's weird at all, if you want your baby to be the first then that's ok, just tell the woman, she'll be ok with it. Probably give you both a laugh. I don't hold babies, if i can help it, I don't see the appeal. I certainly haven't held one since my own, I don't make a big deal if it, so I doubt anyone has noticed.

BadToTheBone Sun 23-Oct-16 10:03:20

Do people get hurt if someone doesn't hold their baby? How bizarre!

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 23-Oct-16 10:04:16

Just say you're a bit nervous of holding baby because of your big bump getting in the way. Get to put the baby between the two of you on the sofa so you can admire them. No one will be offended that way.

Olympiathequeen Sun 23-Oct-16 10:09:10

I don't think it's weird. I think it's quite a sweet idea. My son was the first baby I'd ever held, but just because I didn't know anyone who had one.

If you make a big fuss of the baby when your dh is holding it and decline on the grounds you feel awkward. If the baby is almost forced on you then give in gracefully rather than make things uncomfortable for the mum.

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