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To hate the word "friendzone"?

(9 Posts)
jayisforjessica Sun 23-Oct-16 00:49:52

To me, it smacks of entitlement. As in, "Billy is angry at Jane because Jane put him in the friendzone". Well, what made Billy think that being friends with Jane entitled him to sex? Why is Jane's friendship such an an unsatisfactory consolation prize? Why is Jane responsible for Billy's hurt feelings when all she did was... not fancy him?

And turn it around the other way. Poor Jane. She thought she had a friend in Billy, only to find out he was only being nice to her in the hopes that she'd sleep with him. As soon as she made it clear that wouldn't happen, he's pouting and stomping his foot and whining about the "friendzone" like she's the one in the wrong.

Billy might not be getting sex (poor him, not!!) but Jane is finding out that her friend Billy was never her friend at all.

I hate this entire concept because it's just another symptom of this male sense of entitlement that is becoming such a danger to women. All the time, I see news stories about women saying no and men killing them, beating them, raping them, assaulting them, shooting them, all for the non-crime of saying "no". Obviously I'm aware not all men are like this, but... it's small things like the "friendzone" that pave the way for some men to think they're owed something, and go on to do those dreadful things.

Down with the "friendzone", I say. I'd rather it was eradicated from our collective consciousness. I'm certainly going to be teaching my son that he's not owed sex by any woman, no matter how nice he is.

DoYouRememberJustinBobby Sun 23-Oct-16 00:56:44

Agreed, I hate it.
Woman doesn't fancy man, doesn't want to have sex with him, is automatically an offence so far in it needs a speciality term?

The sheer sense of entitlement in this phrase disgusts me.

littlepeas Sun 23-Oct-16 01:00:03

Wow. I hadn't even thought of it in that way, but obviously YANBU, sometimes I really need things spelt out for me.

OutDamnedWind Sun 23-Oct-16 01:03:18

I find it rather helpful, because the people who use 'friend zone' are, invariably, twats. Makes it easier to know who to avoid.

YANBU at all.

LouisvilleLlama Sun 23-Oct-16 01:06:36

I have said before that I've heard women use friend zone but I don't think it always means they want a shag I think sometimes they want a relationship and it's not that Janes friendship is a shit consolation prize but if you genuinely fancy someone it can be hard to be around them knowing the other person doesn't feel the same, and for them I don't think they were never janes friend either. I also think friendzone for some has become synonymous with just saying they aren't interested, but of course there's loads that use it for a shag.

What annoys me is the nice guy/ girl mentality when people put themselves or other people on a pedestal and because they haven't been chosen by that person it's a "but I'm such a nice person, why don't guys/ girls want that, they go for dicks I'd treat you like ..." and I believe nobody has ever decided oh they're too nice I don't want them, and then start badmouthing them that's when I think they weren't really friends. It's often shown by posts on social media etc, it's like they're so great they feel entitled to a relationship when essentially if they're making a big deal of it they're probably not a nice person but being nice because they are want something from you

What annoys me is the nice guy/ girl mindset people have

jayisforjessica Sun 23-Oct-16 01:21:37

it's not that Janes friendship is a shit consolation prize but if you genuinely fancy someone it can be hard to be around them knowing the other person doesn't feel the same

Fair, but if that's the case, then it's on Billy to manage those feelings himself without making Jane responsible for them. As Captain Awkward would say, Billy is entitled to his feelings, but he's not entitled to use those feelings as an excuse to behave badly towards other people.

Pouting and stomping about the "friendzone" is tantamount to punishing Jane because Jane only sees him as a friend - which isn't Jane's fault at all.

HalloToJasonIsaacs Sun 23-Oct-16 01:36:15

I've always loved Daniel Radcliffe but I loved him most when he vetoed the producers from naming his (admittedly rubbish) rom com "What If" "Friendzone" and then talked extensively in interviews about what a terrible concept it was and how redolent of male entitlement.

Waanderlust Sun 23-Oct-16 02:08:01

It's applies to everyone. It's not just a man who can get "friend zoned".

I think it can be quite normal for two people who spend a lot of time together for one of them to potential start to have more or different feelings.

That person may wish to take it further and have a relationship but the other person makes it clear that they don't feel the same way.

It doesn't just have to be about a man wanting to fuck a woman hmm

jayisforjessica Sun 23-Oct-16 02:31:29

I didn't mean to suggest it did, but littering a post with "he or she" seemed unnecessary when statistically speaking (and in my admittedly limited experience), those people killing in the name of the friendzone tend to be almost exclusively men.

It is absolutely normal for two people who spend a lot of time together for one of them to potentially start to have more or different feelings. However, as I said in a previous comment, while everyone is entitled to their feelings, they are not entitled to use those feelings to make anyone else uncomfortable - and that includes pouting and whining about the "friendzone" no matter what the gender of the people.

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