Background: my mum was never a mother - she made it abundantly clear she regretted having kids and passed us around to relatives/neighbours/friends until she finally left when I was young. My dad had his own family, he was a nice man but I saw him probably twice a year. I moved in with a friend and her mum aged 12 and had my own flat when I was 17 and met DP 3 years later. I'm hard working, focused and ambitious.
I've been with my DP for 10 years. I love him dearly but I just can't show it, I feel like if I show it something bad will happen and I'll be left hurt so I choose not to and stay guarded. He puts up with that and shows me lots of love in various ways.
He cares for me immensely and shows it by reducing my daily/life stresses, little things like filling my car up with petrol to things like making all of my meals every day. When he's away, he leaves me precooked meals because I would just work all day and not bother eating.
I make him laugh lots and am supportive of all of his endeavours but I'm not sure I do much more than that. I struggle with commitment so, despite a proposal, we're not married and I don't know if I want children. He would like both but has said he'd rather have me - I've never told him it's a choice or anything like that. I also dislike sex, always have, he puts up with that too. Never pressures me or makes me feel bad.
I love him but know someone else could love him better. Outsiders are always telling him he's the lucky one and even say he's punching above his weight, this is purely based on looks and my job I think. In private though I'm plagued with doubt that I'm enough for him - if I asked him, he would tell me I am.
AIBU?
To ask you to analyse me/my relationship?
BlowFishes · 22/10/2016 21:06
Wow chocness, what an amazing post. Thank you so much. You don't know what it means to me to see that you've been through it and come through it. That's just what I needed to see.
It's difficult because to the rest of the world I'm an intelligent, functioning and stable woman. So to seek therapy is hard but I do realise I should try it. My sister had 2 incredibly dysfunctional marriages which ended in messy divorce so sometimes it feels safe to be shut off in my feelings but it's not healthy.
Bizarrely I have two horses that I absolutely shower with love and affection, DP always says he wishes he was born a horse 
which is also quite sad really!
That's a lovely idea sparrow, like a 'love hour' I can certainly try. Although my loving texts are usually 'dinner is delicious', I may need to put some thought into it.
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Blow fish, you are basically my dp, he had a very difficult childhood and was rejected by both parents. He finds it very hard to show love where as I shower him in love like your dp. He refuses (so far) to marry me but we have a dd who he showers with affection and he adores animals. It has taken him a long time to make progress (5 years to move in together) but we get there in the end. As someone on the other side I love him to bits and I'd be devastated if he decided to end it because he thought I deserved better. If you're looking for ways to show you love him, it's the little things that I appreciate and love, the initiation of a hand hold, when he makes me a cup of coffee without me pestering, a thoughtful present (not about the money, totally about the thought) saying I look nice. I am totally overwhelmed and delighted if dp holds my hand or gives me a hug of his own accord or says he loves me in a text. It really is the little things 
good luck to you, you both sound like lovely people.
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