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DH told me my new hair 'makes me look 40'

(134 Posts)
TorquayHotelWindow Sat 22-Oct-16 20:12:45

This morning I left the house with long blonde hair. I had been feeling in need of a confidence boost and decided a good cut to the length and some fresh highlights would do me the world of good. Long blonde hair is 'my thing' and letting it go wasn't a small step for me. After a difficult first year adjusting to motherhood I felt like it was time to shed that part of my story and by cutting my hair it felt quite symbolic, helping me mentally make a fresh start.

So I got a lovely head of fresh highlights, and a really good cut. It's about chin length and shaped really nicely. Chic and polished is how I'd describe it. So, left the salon, felt great. Met DH to go shopping and as I was walking along ahead of him, I glanced round and clocked him looking at my hair with a hint of disdain on his face. I didn't say anything and brushed it off as it just being my imagination. Next thing, I hear 'you look about 40 from the back!' and something inside me died. I'm gutted. Now, I want to make it clear there is not a single thing bad or wrong with 'looking 40' (whatever the heck that is) however as a 28yo woman it's not the 'look' I'm trying to emulate, from the back or the front! In DH's defence he was probably meaning that my hair looks 'grown up' and didn't choose his words well but still...I felt tearful and gutted for the next few hours.

I still can't shake the words from my mind and just feel like its cast a downer on what I'd built up in my mind as part of the 'new me' positivity. He apologised, said it's lovely and was just joking, and now I'm wondering AIBU for reacting how I did? Am I being reasonable to care about what my DH thinks of my appearance or did I react like a silly, stroppy princess?

Soubriquet Sat 22-Oct-16 20:14:16

It was insensitive for him to say that. It's not what you needed to hear

However it was probably a shock for him to see too. He certainly could have chosen a better way of putting it though

TribbleTrouble Sat 22-Oct-16 20:15:24

Oh what a sod! I would have decked him one, it's your hair and I bet it looks fab. Maybe take a picture from the back, and we'll set you straight.

ConvincingLiar Sat 22-Oct-16 20:17:33

Perhaps he expects you to look 16. Sorry he's dented your confidence.

PoldarksBreeches Sat 22-Oct-16 20:17:58

I'm sure your hair looks lovely but that sort of 'polished' honey highlights cut you're describing isn't very youthful. I can see why you would want a grown up look but maybe he's not ready for it!

Allthewaves Sat 22-Oct-16 20:18:45

Completely inappropriate twatty comment. My ex always moaned when I chopped my long hair off for a bob - some blokes have thing about long hair.

I would have been sobbing if it were me in that situation as new hair always makes me a little anxious anyway

The first year after a baby is tough when you trying to find the women again and not be just mum.

nilbyname Sat 22-Oct-16 20:21:05

Your DH was insensitive! He needs to make it up to you!

I bet your hair looks gorgeous! Show us!

Fairylea Sat 22-Oct-16 20:23:23

He was rude. Being honest I've had every single hair cut from pixie to waist length and I've only ever had one boyfriend who preferred it short. Overall I do think men tend to prefer longer hair and can be quite horrid about it when it's cut especially if you've not had it shorter before. But frankly it's not up to us to please anyone but ourselves. So two fingers up to him!

moomoo222 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:24:03

Would be a compliment for me (so so ancient!)! However 'fuck you, I like it' would have been my response. Silly twat, hope he makes it up to you.

Wellywife Sat 22-Oct-16 20:26:52

Sounds chic to me. Maybe he just needs to get used to it. In his minds eye he pictures you with long hair but he'll adjust. Also shorter hair is harder for a baby to grab!

Whatsername17 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:27:33

Do not let his comments dent your confidence. You left the salon feeling like a rock star. Embrace your new look and go out into the world and kick ass.

mudandmayhem01 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:27:43

A similar thing happened to me, I was in my late 20s and I had my haircut very short, I appeared in a local paper promoting a new initiative the business I ws working for was involved in. My male friend, told me I looked years older in that picture, he tried to back track saying I looked business like, mature etc but it ruined short hair for me. Why is is one criticism is remembered and compliments are forgotten.

TorquayHotelWindow Sat 22-Oct-16 20:28:59

Thanks guys. I'm glad it wasn't a complete overreaction on my part. He was quite taken aback by my reaction and when I just brought it up again, said 'it's just different to how it was and that's all I meant - it suits you and it's lovely and I'm sorry'.

Interesting that the general consensus is that men prefer longer hair - they can blooming well prefer as much as they want - shorter hair feels so liberating!

TheNaze73 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:31:10

I think it was his rather clumsy way of saying he wasn't overly keen, as most makes tend to prefer longer hair. As Fairylea sad it's your hair though, so enjoy it smile

bimbobaggins Sat 22-Oct-16 20:33:53

It certainly seems an insensitive thing to say and I'm sure your hair looks beautiful, however you lost me at 'something inside me died' hmm

Pickanameanyoldname Sat 22-Oct-16 20:34:42

Sounds like a case of opening mouth before engaging brain.

But he's explained and apologised and now you need to let it go.

Liara Sat 22-Oct-16 20:34:50

I had hair that looked 40 when I was 28. It was polished and elegant, and suitable for my job at the time. I needed to look older than I was.

Now I am 44 and have long, often straggly hair like when I was a teenager.

Hair grows. That's the great thing about it. You can experiment with as many different looks as you want, and it isn't permanent.

Adapting to motherhood is hard. It messes with your self identity and leaves you feeling very vulnerable about odd things.

When I finished bf, I was looking for and couldn't find my old bras. Had loads of lovely, lacy sexy ones and I just couldn't find them. I had a complete crying meltdown. Dh was confused until the penny dropped, he gave me a huge hug and said 'this is nothing to do with bras, is it? You feel like you have lost your old body.'

I had a really good cry then.

PterodactylToenails Sat 22-Oct-16 20:35:58

You probably look great and perhaps it makes him feel insecure so he said it to knock your confidence a bit.

Witchend Sat 22-Oct-16 20:37:38

Dh took 3 days to notice once when I had nearly a foot of hair off. grin
He doesn't claim to be observant!

Rrross1ges Sat 22-Oct-16 20:39:08

He's a treasure isn't he? I'd immac the fucker's head in his sleep then tell him being bald makes him look really old.

Euphemia Sat 22-Oct-16 20:39:34

Husbanding 101: "Lovely hair, darling." grin

My DH has always known that!

mumofthemonsters808 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:45:37

As someone who is mid forties, I say keep the flowing locks as long as you can, you have many years ahead of you to do the chic look, but in your twenties, it's the ideal time to have your hair long, so I'm with your Husband, I'm afraid.Hair grows like grass, so I'd see it as a change, but grow it back.Maybe I'm biased because I want my long hair back but I'm past it !!!.

BowieFan Sat 22-Oct-16 20:46:33

Christ, people are overegging their hatred in here a bit aren't they? Husband made a slightly silly comment and that means he's insensitive? Maybe she does look 40 from the back?

I know we sometimes want to have our egos stroked but come on, it's hardly the worst comment in the world is it? DP has been heard to remark "No don't wear that, it makes you look middle aged" (even though I am). I do think you are being a bit precious.

ShmooBooMoo Sat 22-Oct-16 20:46:59

Liara sounds like you have a lovely, sensitive DH smile

OP: yes, I do think some men have a thing for long hair. I bet it looks lovely and at least he apologised {smile}

Why don't you show us?

WorraLiberty Sat 22-Oct-16 20:52:25

He probably shouldn't have said anything, or maybe just pretended to like it.

Sometimes a drastic change in appearance can take a while for people to get used to, or grow to like.

You like it though and that's what's important.

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