Partner turned down job!(60 Posts)
We've recently found out I'm expecting our first baby in May.
Coincidentally my partner has been offered a new job with a pay rise of about £7500 per year. All wonderful news... except he's turned it down!
I'm really annoyed because when I go on maternity leave money is going to be very tight! He seems to think I'm being unreasonable by saying I'm not planning on going back to work till January 2018 (8 months mat leave- I didn't think this was unreasonable)
He's a chef and says that the new job doesn't appeal to his creative side because it's banqueting and he currently works in a prestigious fine dining restaurant (which he comes home from every night to tell me how much he hates) I'm being a bit of a bitch but frankly when we have a family to feed I don't care about bloody creativity I care about full bellies and a roof over our heads!
He's also tried to say he's scared it's not a secure job - it's a multi national company which has contracts for wedding venues, race courses, sports hospitality etc so I don't believe this for a second.
I feel like he's not understanding that we will be totally skint with a new baby, a mortgage and two (overly expensive) vehicle finance agreements which we can't get out of for another two years hanging over us! (Baby is making an appearance about 3 years earlier than intended- i wouldn't have bought a silly car if I realised what was in store)
What should I say to him to help him understand why I'm so angry / upset with him?
Is it for a contact catering company? As these don't tend to be secure. As soon as the contract is up and a new company takes over all staff he generally have.to leave.
I think YABU to suggest that his reasons for not taking the offered job are irrelevant.
I would be trying to understand his reasoning, not insisting he understands your fury.
So he's not allowed a say on the length of your mat leave, but you can dictate what job he does....
To be honest I think you need to talk to him about it. What about hours? Is his current job going to mean more face time with a baby than events all over the country? £7,500 a year isn't a lot after tax.
8 months is also a lot more than some people take so I don't think he's being unreasonable expecting you to compromise or at least discuss it.
Also, babies are not expensive. Breastfeeding, if you can or choose to, is free and babies do not NEED half of the crap you are told they need.
As someone who has been in this situation but with a much bigger difference in salary (not a stealth boast just that i understand) i'd say a happier husband is worth its weight in gold once baby arrives.
I don't think its up to you to dictate which job he does.
May is ages away - he could find someone meting between now and then, it sounds like he got that one easily enough. Or you could take shorter maternity leave or sell your car.
£7.5k is about £350 pcm. Jobs you aren't committed to never work put. By Jan 2018 he may have had a couple of pay rises so it whittles down to £250.
Can he do an occasional private dinner party? Can you go back after six months.
This is about managing finances due to an earlier than planned baby and you are both responsible for that. Fortunately the cars are a short term issue.
I was with you till you said it was a contract catering company. Very insecure. Friends husband does this. They never count on his wage. To quote her her job provides the bread & butter everyday, his salary is jam money.
And they never have less than 6 months wage in savings. The longest he gone between 'gigs' has been 4 months…
So I think he's actually been sensible
Better to have an assured salary coming in than nothing.
Your basically asking him to leave a job with prospects of better restaurants to a shit job with no future and no value on his cv. It's your being unreasonable. It's like asking a high flying PA to downgrade to an audio typist because it's more money
My partner had contracted work for a big company for a couple of years. As soon as the baby turned up, the work went (coincided but still awful). I wouldn't risk it at all. As a previous poster said, tiny babies are not as expensive as made out to be, and you'll probably save some costs due to lifestyle changes, regardless.
Instead of arguing, why not plan financial things now, budget ready for May? You'd be shocked how many 'little things' can be cut out or bought cheaper if needed (such as takeaways, buying a lottery ticket, driving when it's a walkable distance, paying for baby classes instead of free ones, etc). You might even make some savings to live on by the time the baby comes.
Yabu long term he could be worse off as the path upwards isn't the same.
YABVU, if you want more money then go and earn it yourself. It's not down to him just because he is male.
He likes his job and doesn't want to contract so shouldn't. You sound like his boss rather than partner.
It sound much less secure than his current role TBF. I'd have thought corporate hospitality is pretty sensitive to market conditions.
DH turned down a whacking great payrise when our eldest was a baby. It was because the new company were explicit that they expected a lot of extra hours worked. Instead he kept a smaller salary and was home for bedtime every night. I think it was quite a brave decision, and the biggest winners were our children seeing their dad more.
I can understand your disappointment at losing out on that money but you are still being unreasonable.
Jobs aren't just about money, they are about satisfaction, development, camaraderie, identity. If he comes home at night and complains about a creative job, how much more would he complain about having to churn out hundreds of portions of chicken and salmon day after day. There will be other chances for more money and career enhancement in the future.
He knows what you think and he's made his choice so going on and on at him won't change anything.
And try not to worry too much about money. Babies don't have to be expensive. We were skint when we had ours but with careful management we were fine . We bough second hand clothes (for them and us) and toys. There was a lot of sharing between friends (one Moses basket and a rocking cradle went round and round between about 6 families with just the mattress being replaced. When a friend in the North had a premature baby, a friend down here who had never met them gladly posted off all her out grown preemie clothes).
The joy of having babies isn't having the latest pram or designer outfits. It's about cuddles and smiles and you will be able to afford them.
YABU and the nature of those roles is very dependent on what's been booked and if he enjoys cooking hell probably just end up reheating frozen food.
The very reason a contract job pays more (in any industry) is to make up for lack of security/tide you over whilst you're not working. YABU.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I didn't think OP meant contract job
I thought she meant permanent role but was listing the contracts the organisation has
Which makes a big difference to my view....
YABU! I don't think you're thinking long term at all.. You can't dictate his career path and where he wants to go with it.
I agree with the majority here tbh. You can't say your partner has no say over your mat leave and then get pissy with him about his job. Compromise is your friend here.
That said, I know people who work in contract catering and it's not a terribly stable industry. If your partner has a stable job with prospects, this is the one I would be choosing in your situation.
It's not a contract, it's permanent employment with a fixed salary. The company it's self has contracts however they have contracts for over 150 different venues in our area. It's less hours than what he's working now so rather than working 9am -11pm he would be working 8-4 Monday to Wednesday with functions and events at the weekend.
It's also a promotion from the position that he's in now so would be beneficial to his CV.
I wasn't saying it's down to him to earn money because he's male - I currently earn more and have every intention of going back to work however short of giving birth and going back to work after 6 weeks there's not really much I can do myself. I could cut maternity to 6 months however then we have to factor in child care.
He hates his current job and is constantly complaining about it.
It'll he takes that it would hamper his chances of going to a too notch restaurant later. Because making buffets is pretty rank. Bears no correlation to fine dining at all and it's not your choice to make it's his
If you're so convinced you're in the right you probably expected everyone to agree with you and advise you how to put pressure on your husband to accept a job he doesn't want.
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