About RSVPs and Child's party

[catgirl1976]

DS is going to be 5. He's having a Mad Science party.

It's a fixed cost for up to 20 children and then extra per child above that. I've also decided to go with their party bags.

I've invited 36 children (whole class plus some non-school friends). I did umm a bit about inviting the whole class but DS has only just started school so it's not like he's at the stage where he's got a "core" of friends and I didn't want to leave anyone out)

Obviously I've been praying that they won't ALL be able to come, otherwise it will be very expensive.

However, I sent out written invitations that requested an RSVP to my mobile or e-mail by the 21st of October so I would know final numbers for the Mad Science people, party bags and food.

Of the 36 invited, only 23 have responded. 19 can come and 4 can't.

So what am I supposed to do about the 13 non-respondents?

Do I just go, great there's 19 coming, that's not too expensive and I don't have to pay for any extras.

But what if they just haven't bothered to RSVP and turn up and then I'm faced with disappointed 4 and 5 year olds who have no food and no party bag (and I get lumped with an unexpected bill for the extra children?) It's not their fault their parents are rude and don't reply :(

Or do I go mid-way and pay for say 25 children (assuming about half of those who haven't reply might turn up)

Or do I send a reminder to the ones that haven't replied (That feels a bit pushy and I don't really want all 13 to come as it pushes the price up but if they said they were I'd do it obviously)

It's not an insignificant cost. It's an extra £8 per child past the 20 mark and £3.99 for a party bag. (Plus food on top)

I don't want to shell out extra money when people can't be bothered to reply but I'm worried about children turning up and there being nothing for them. I appreciate maybe some invitations are languishing at the bottom of school bags but honestly - how hard is it to send a text saying yes or no?

AIBU to be a bit fecked off and what do I do re numbers?

[ChuckBiscuits]

No go for the 19 who replied.

Any others turn up then you are going to have to turn them away and explain what RSVP means to the parents.

[domesticslattern]

Did you include the venue on the invitation? Good MN tip is if you don't do that it's easier to manage numbers.

[Trifleorbust]

If they don't RSVP they don't come. Simple.

[Ginmakesitallok]

Agree with pp. Non responders are pains in the ass. I had this with dds party last week. One of the non responders called me the day after the party, apologising that she'd gotten the date wrong and thought party was the day after. I replied that it was ok as I wasn't expecting her daughter anyway as she hadn't replied. She said "Can we still come today - dd has a present?" I was a bit gobsmacked and just said it was very kind of her - but we had other plans.

[catgirl1976]

The other problem is, because he's just started school I don't know all of the children by name. So when they start turning up I won't know who a lot of them are and whether they RSVP'd or not.

I could put DM on the door with a clipboard and a list of names (if your name's not down you're not coming in son) :) But that feels a bit heavy handed for a 5 year olds party.

Why are people so rude and lazy arrrgh?

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

I don't think you have much choice - you'll just have to chase up the missing replies to prevent the potential of children turning up unexpectedly on the day. You can do it fairly casually without seeming pushy. .
Very rude of people not too reply though although you're right that some invites may be languishing at the bottom of book bags.

[catgirl1976]

OMG Domestic - that is genius. I wish I had heard of that before. Top tip for next year though!

[Rainbowqueeen]

Yes it is annoying. But it seems to be so common nowadays. It's not the poor kids fault though.

There's not much you can do unfortunately other than chase people.

I would send a reminder text just saying you need to confirm numbers with the venue by X date and if you haven't heard back from them by that date you'll assume they can't make it.

I hope your DS has a lovely party

[catgirl1976]

I don't have the missing parents numbers

I suppose I could do follow up notes for the 13 saying

"Hello it catboy's mummy here. I do need to let the party organisers know final number for his party. If you could let me know if little Timmy can attend by the end of the week it would be a big help"

Does that sound pushy?

[catgirl1976]

I like the "If I haven't heard from you by xx I will assume you can't make it"

That pretty much says don't turn up if you don't respond, without being rude

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

I'd do what rainbow suggests - text saying you're chasing to see if you're coming, if I don't hear I'll assume not. Crystal clear and totally reasonable.

[seven201]

I think you leave a note in the child's bag that says as you've not heard back you're assuming x isn't coming, but let you know by Tuesday (when your confirming numbers with the venue) if that isn't the case. Otherwise you might get people not responding again who could still potentially turn up anyway.

[ChuckBiscuits]

I would make badge labels with their names on and let your DM give them all a label so that if there is no label then 'oh dear, we didn't know you were coming what a shame'.

[QuiteLikely5]

I think their silence is your answer. Do nothing.

[OdeToAutumn]

To avoid stress and worrying about people turning up unexpectedly I would send out one text / email to the non responders and say that you haven't heard back from them but you are confirming final numbers with the venue tomorrow. If you don't hear you'll take that as a no and won't include.

It is annoying, chasing up one or two is expected but that's a third of your invites that haven't bothered !!

[MoonHare]

You'll get used to this if you host any more parties. There are always people who don't reply. We've never had anyone we weren't expecting just turn up though - although I know it happens. Just chase them up, it won't seem pushy "Hi just wondering if can make party on please let me know by **. Thanks"
Don't be too harsh in judging them, I guarantee that over the years you will miss the odd invitation, get dates wrong, change your plans last minute, reply after the rsvp date. It's just life and generally people are just a bit forgetful or busy and not setting out to be rude or awkward.
Hope your dc enjoys a great party.

[catgirl1976]

Right. I'll do notes for each of the 13 and say I'm confirming numbers, assuming they are not coming but if they are to let me know by Wednesday. A short time frame might help keep numbers down and make it clear.

[OdeToAutumn]

Cross posted ! it's not pushy at all. And who cares anyway, they're the rude / lazy ones !

[catgirl1976]

MoonHare - if it was one or two I would put that down to busy lives, children losing the invites..........but 13? Like someone said upthread that's a third :(

[Whycantibetangy]

I have been that mum! Invite never arrived home, parent got all stroppy with me in the playground for something we didnt even know existed.

If you are going for a reminder please go in gently....

As they get older, they talk to each other more about plans but we still end up waiting for replies that never come, get 'no shows' despite confirming and get unexpected extras turning up. We have learnt who the serial offenders are and unfortunately they dont get invited to many parties now

[Whycantibetangy]

P.s. Mad Science sounds ace!

[SpookyMooky]

When is the party, and when did the invitations go out?

[CruCru]

I've done this - written a reminder note to say "just a reminder that it is X's party on (date). Please let me know on (number) if you can make it!".

Even then a few people didn't reply.

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

Sympathies op, I had similar problems last year. A quarter of the invitations we sent out vanished off into the ether to never be heard from again. I didn't know all the children, some go to before and after school club and ds doesn't so I couldn't even talk to parents about it.
One contacted me on the day to ask if it was still ok. One told me the day before that due to shift work they couldn't make it.
Well ok, but you could at last have responded to let me know you'd actually got the invitation and then said you'd let me know nearer the time. I'd have understood that a lot more than total radio silence.
Nobody just turned up without responding though.
We've just handed out the invites for his next party. The same people who responded quickly last time have done so. As for the rest....
Well, we'll see. I did a sort of "put your own party bag together" thing last time. Took the stress out of that!