I am a WOHM (3 days a week out, 2 in) and work school hours. My friend is a SAHM. She is very involved in her son's primary school, volunteers there and now has an official role there. She was talking the other day about how rewarding it is and how she feels it is really important to be an involved parent, although she did add the caveat that it's just her opinion.
Now I, on the other hand, am really quite uninvolved we drop the DC off at breakfast club 5 days a week because they like it, and collect from a childminder 3 times a week due to work constraints; therefore I have only ever had one glance into DS1's classroom (on the first day of term!) and rarely chat to the teacher other than pleasantries on the 2 days a week when I collect. I am quite happy with our set-up. I have volunteered to go along on trips, and listen to my son when he talks about his friends, and have arranged playdates after school with them at our house - I feel like I'm not being entirely neglectful!
I know my friend is a bit bemused at my lack of inclination to get involved in school management/my son's daily school life, and tbh I can see why because it is so different to hers. However, I think I know why I feel this way; my own mother taught at my school until I was 16 and I found it horribly claustrophobic. I felt like she was always there and I couldn't escape her, and resented what felt like her constant attempts to burrow into my head. She talked to teachers about how I'd behaved that day and berated me if it wasn't good enough (by her standards), and I lived in fear of teachers telling her I had done badly in a test because there would be hell to pay Obviously that relationship had other issues understatement but the upshot is that as a result of my own school experiences I strongly feel that kids need a bit of space in their lives, and that school fits that need perfectly. It can be a place where they learn how to make friends, behave appropriately and interact with adults/teachers on their own, without the safety net/constant looming presence (delete as appropriate) of mum/dad. Obviously this is the best-case scenario and precludes bullying, in which case I can see parents would be a welcome and needed addition.
Therefore, I know IABU to find my friend's set-up with her son (we see them once a week after school and the talk is always all about his school life) a bit claustrophobic. I'd never say this, of course - I smile and agree a lot - but I am starting to feel like my own approach comes off as the cold distant mother one (due to comments that she's made, where I might just be being sensitive) and that that description isn't necessarily fair.
I know IABU, at least in part but I guess my overall question is: do kids benefit from having some time without parents when they are at school? Is it very dependent on their personality, or can they all benefit from it?
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AIBU?
I am definitely BU but not sure by how much - parental school-involvement.
34 replies
LaContessaDiPlumpOnSea · 21/10/2016 09:45
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