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To attend TKD classes (and meet people after work sometimes)?

(9 Posts)
glassspider Fri 21-Oct-16 08:24:17

For the last 8 years, I have been attending taekwondo, on average once a week, but often less than that due to work and family commitments. In the past, I have given up hobbies and cases quite quickly but I have stuck with this due to the sheer joy I feel when I take part. I have worked my way up through gradings to reach different belts, I am fitter and stronger and I love helping teach others too. I am just below black belt now. I have never been a confident person but I temporarily do feel happy during these sessions. I am supposed to attend twice a week really, but don't have time.
I began these sessions when my son was just over a year old. He's nine now. My husband is at home when i am at tkd, looking after him. I appreciate I am buggering off for this hour and leaving them both, and I feel a bit guilty about it.

Sometimes, if I check with my husband whether it is ok for me to go ( I always check, just to ensure he knows where I am), he will object. He will sometimes say "oh for f*cks sake ... go on then". ( He doesn't always ... just if he's not in the best mood). He works shorter hours than I do and has a car, so it is up to him to pick our son up from school/ the childminders and take care of him in the evenings whilst I am out. He objects because it is ok for me, I can go somewhere straight after work if I want to, he doesn't get that choice. It's a similar story if some work colleagues want to meet after work and I want to join them ( which happens maybe 2/3 times a year). A reminder that he can't do that after work as he has to pick up our son. I don't really have many friends as I can't simply go out and meet them, it's a reminder of how unfair it all is on my husband. If I do go out on a night out, I would need to leave it a few months before going out again otherwise it just looks to him like i'm out getting pissed with my mates all the time. (I go out with friends about twice a year.)
If I had access to a car and could pick our son up, I would. Husband is against me having a car as it would be too expensive. I have repeatedly said if he would like to do something out of the house that he enjoys, I will ensure that I am in to look after our son so he can do so, even if I have to take work home. No, he says. He doesn't really like going out much himself.

Do other mums go out much and see people/ have interests? Or AIBU?

Fairylea Fri 21-Oct-16 08:26:33

An hour or so once a week?! Of course you're not being unreasonable!

Squeegle Fri 21-Oct-16 08:28:10

Yanb at all U! He is controlling you. It sounds terrible. Why are you letting him control you like this? Are you scared of him? I am so sorry to read this as you sound very sad... this isn't right...

LaChatte Fri 21-Oct-16 08:29:56

Your husband is being a controlling cunt.


Randytortoise Fri 21-Oct-16 08:30:00

Both me and dh work full time. We have a 4 and almost 3 yr old. We both go out as often as we like. We both have cars.
Tonight I'm out with friends tomorrow out all day shopping (without dc) dh out next Saturday night, I'm out the following Saturday for spa day. It's give and take. Your dh sounds controlling.

khaleesi71 Fri 21-Oct-16 08:31:00

I see friends once a week and generally go out for a run at the weekends and have a volunteer role as well, which can result in call outs at any time of day/night. DS is 9. DH is not as social as I am but we often have to sit and deconflict diaries and agree on who does what when there is a clash. DS sees both parents being active and social and generally happy. It's an hour a week on something that you clearly enjoy - you are allowed 'you' time and it is unreasonable for your DH to grumble about it. Stick to your guns and be proud of your achievements. Your DH is being a controlling arse. Good luck flowers

QuiltedAloeVera Fri 21-Oct-16 08:34:50

Could you take your son to TKD with you? Lots of parents and dc train together.

But your DH sounds mean and insecure. And controlling.

YANBU - one hour most weeks and a night out 2/3 times a year isn't much time to yourself and for him to whinge about that is pretty shitty.

TheWernethWife Fri 21-Oct-16 09:45:15

Why do you feel guilty about having a night a week to do something that is essential to your well being. Your son is with his dad, he's not tied to a cupboard while you are out drinking gin, is your husband incapable of looking after his child. FFS, I give up, your husband is a selfish knobhead, if he doesn't like going out well that's his choice to stay home.

glassspider Fri 21-Oct-16 13:37:21

Thank you for your replies. I thought I was going crazy and maybe this is what happens when you have children. Feeling a bit better about going put now, but yes angry at the situation too ...

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