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To think well actually I couldn't do this

(193 Posts)
couldntlovethebearmore Thu 20-Oct-16 21:15:32

Was talking to DH about how I really fancy going shopping and then having a few cocktails at a nice bar however friends are particularly flakey at the moment and he asked why can't you go alone?
I could go on the train on my own into a busy city centre. I could go round the shops on my own and even stop for a coffee/bite to eat on my own. But no way could I go to a bar on my own. And this is where I feel society is most unequal. A woman on her own in a pub is often seen by men as an easy target. And they will attempt to talk to you as being on your own in a bar means you must be looking for company.
Sorry for the rant but does anyone agree here?

Meadows76 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:16:39

It's a really weird concept but when men go to bars alone they talk to each other. It's not just women they talk to

AmberEars Thu 20-Oct-16 21:20:19

I wouldn't go to a bar on my own, but not because I'd be worried about men trying to chat me up - just because I wouldn't enjoy it much. Drinking cocktails (for me) is all about chatting with friends - it would be no fun on my own!

gobbynorthernbird Thu 20-Oct-16 21:20:20

My absolute favourite thing is to have a martini in a lovely bar, accompanied by a book or my phone. If I've ever had any unwanted attention (I mean anybody, not just men trying to chat me up) I have said no thanks and been left alone.

couldntlovethebearmore Thu 20-Oct-16 21:20:40

They talk to other males in a totally different way. I bet 'where's your girlfriend?' Or 'if I was your girlfriend I wouldn't let you out alone' is part of their conversation

Meadows76 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:25:28

You have a very sad view of 'men' - who are not all the same btw. For every man with a chat up line there will be another 10 sitting drinking their pint and ignoring you

NerrSnerr Thu 20-Oct-16 21:31:13

I have been to many bars and pubs alone and no one has ever been rude to me and if anyone has tried to chat and I don't want to I will politely make small talk but make it obvious I don't want to talk and they leave me alone. I am usually early when meeting friends and I have many friends who are very late so I will often have a pint while I wait for them.

FeckinCrutches Thu 20-Oct-16 21:31:43

I did this in London last month. Went to a show and had fancy dinner. The next I went for a fancy lunch, did some shopping, went and had champagne in one place, then a cocktail near the station and got the late train home, it was fab.

purplefizz26 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:34:43

I bet not as many men as you think will give a shiny shite about a woman drinking in a bar alone.

onlythedaze Thu 20-Oct-16 21:36:16

It's a bit sad though.

ToastDemon Thu 20-Oct-16 21:37:15

I went for a glass of wine in a wine bar in London while I waited for DH to finish work. I just read my kindle and no-one hassled me.

Shakey15000 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:44:06

I have no qualms going into a pub/bar on my own and having a drink if I fancied it.

Nothing sad about it whatsoever hmm People watching should be an Olympic Sport smile

FeckinCrutches Thu 20-Oct-16 21:45:23

Why on earth is it sad?

HeyRobot Thu 20-Oct-16 21:45:28

I often used to have a martini if I had time to kill between work and meeting people for dinner or something. I'd just sit and read my book or the paper and never noticed if anyone thought it was odd. I've often had dinner alone while working away though, so I'm pretty used to it. I'd have a drink on the plane if I was travelling alone, so why not?

However, I don't think op was saying that most men would come to chat her up, but that it was likely that she would get comments from someone. I don't think most men catcall women in the street, but it still happens to me all the time - even when I was 9 months pregnant and looked like I'd eaten a whale.

onlythedaze Thu 20-Oct-16 21:45:57

I think having cocktails in a bar is a sociable activity so to do it alone is a bit sad.

BestZebbie Thu 20-Oct-16 21:46:52

I think attention it will vary from "none" to "some" depending on what type of bar and at what time of day - but no, I don't feel unable to go to a bar on my own due to being female. Take a magazine.

couldntlovethebearmore Thu 20-Oct-16 21:47:13

Who says it's a sociable activity? It's a drink?

onlythedaze Thu 20-Oct-16 21:49:48

Well, if that's how you see it fair enough. I do find people of any age and sex drinking alone a bit sad and think it's a shame.

TheWrathFromHighAtopTheThing Thu 20-Oct-16 21:50:36

I love going for a drink or lunch alone, it's one of life's little pleasures!

RiverTam Thu 20-Oct-16 21:52:10

I don't mind having a drink on my own if I'm waiting for someone or killing time but it's not something I'd choose to do. I'd rather have a cup of tea in a cafe.

paintingisfun Thu 20-Oct-16 21:52:52

Why on earth is it a shame if the person chooses to do so?

onlythedaze Thu 20-Oct-16 21:54:37

Op isn't really choosing though, she says herself it's cause her friends are flaky. Probably projecting but I'd feel embarrassed for someone drinking alone. Hard to explain but to me it would be like going camping alone or going to Alton towers alone or something.

NerrSnerr Thu 20-Oct-16 21:54:36

It's a shame that someone chooses to have a cocktail or glass of wine? Just because there isn't someone on the table with them? How odd.

Shakey15000 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:56:53

I think having cocktails in a bar is a sociable activity so to do it alone is a bit sad

It could easily be said that it is "sad" to feel that an enjoyable activity can only be enjoyable if in direct company.

LIttleTripToHeaven Thu 20-Oct-16 22:02:35

I have been known to go to the pub on my own for a pint.

I've never been hit on by a man who sees me as an easy target; I have sometimes had a brief chat/exchange with someone, but I don't think that counts. I sometimes take a book with me.

I can't see the problem.

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