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To think 'look after the children' is not really the case....?

(19 Posts)
summersoversnoopy Thu 20-Oct-16 19:12:26

not sure if this is the right place but I need to get it off my chest - have just had an email from my ex husband, confirming that he is 'able to look after the children' on the dates specifiedhmm surely, you are spending quality time with them? The dates are when they are free over half term. I don't need him to 'look after' his own children ffs, why phrase it like that? It's changed recently, he knows I go out some afternoons when he has them, hence the change of phrase from 'available to see them' to 'look after the children' it's really annoyed me - am I being unreasonable? If he doesn't see them, I still get to go out, they go to grandmassmile he isn't doing me a favour - far from itgrin

KohINoorPencil Thu 20-Oct-16 19:14:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fruitboxjury Thu 20-Oct-16 19:15:34

What would you rather he said?

reallyanotherone Thu 20-Oct-16 19:16:31

E-mail back and tell him that you don't need him to "look after the children".

Point out if he doesn't want to see them that's on him but seeing them is for his and the children's benefit, not yours.

ThisUsernameIsAvailable Thu 20-Oct-16 19:16:48

I understand what you mean, he's making it sound like he's doing you a favour

Frouby Thu 20-Oct-16 19:17:05

Just send a message back 'thanks for confirming that you are available to look after our dcs at those times. Just to confirm I available to look after them the rest of the time that week'.

Meadows76 Thu 20-Oct-16 19:17:18

I think you need to get out more. I look after my children, as I'm sure you do yours, so why should he not be the same? Gross overthinking and being annoyed for nothing.

Gottagetmoving Thu 20-Oct-16 19:19:18

He is looking after them. When they are with you, you are looking after them. You can still have quality time and fun when you look after children.
You are being picky.

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead Thu 20-Oct-16 19:19:21

YANBU IMO. He's phrasing it like he's doing you a favour! Really is spot on that this is about the relationship between him and his children, it's sod all to do with you and he's not doing you a favour by maintaining a relationship with his own kids!

Thatwaslulu Thu 20-Oct-16 19:19:25

No I get you OP. I get stabby when I hear people saying that their OH is "looking after the kids" while they are out, or their non resident parent is "looking after" them. No, they are not. They are "at home" with their children. Or "staying in with their children". The term "looking after" implies some sort of favour or obligation rather than the usual transaction between a parent and child.

A grandparent, or sibling, or friend, may "look after" a child...

That is all grin

wheresthel1ght Thu 20-Oct-16 19:19:28

I think yabu sorry.

I check with Dp he can look after dd (or dsc) if I am making plans to do something. It is a turn of phrase. Unless he has form for not being involved then I think you are massively over reacting

ThatStewie Thu 20-Oct-16 19:19:30

Oh that is so patronising. It's the up scale version of 'baby sitting' his own children.

PotteringAlong Thu 20-Oct-16 19:20:16

But he is looking after them.,,

AyeAmarok Thu 20-Oct-16 19:27:27

I get you. This would annoy me too.

HormonalConfusion Thu 20-Oct-16 19:33:11

But he is looking after them.

Dictionary definition of look after: "to take care of someone or something and make certain that they have everything they need" Isn't that what you want him to do?

He's not just "spending quality time" as you put it - things like making dinner, taking to toilet, etc aren't really how you would normally spend time with someone but they are part of looking after/caring.

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Thu 20-Oct-16 19:42:40

I get you. It's the exP version of what my friends DP does when he 'babysits' their children. It says something very clear about how he sees their roles in bring up their kids.

Especially since 'not wanting to babysit' doesn't necessarily mean he's got something else to do.

tofutti Thu 20-Oct-16 19:44:03

Ha. You could say 'Do you mean you're having your own children On those days?'

Or as Frouby says, emphasise that you will be looking after the children at all other times.

KC225 Thu 20-Oct-16 19:47:13

I think it's just a turn of phrase, annoying if you read too much into it. But with people who rile us, it is so easy to do. Rise above it, he is having his own children, choose your battles.

angryangryyoungwoman Thu 20-Oct-16 19:48:48

It's the same to me as "helping" with housework when you live somewhere. The wording makes it sound as if it is your responsibility and he's doing you a favour...
However, I would ignore it. Or use the same phraseology back to him as pp suggested

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