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a single bed isn't okay for 6ft3 16 year old?

(168 Posts)
Callmeacxntbut Thu 20-Oct-16 18:46:56

Had an awful row with XH and wanting to check who was BU.

DS, 16 soon to be 17, has told me he doesn't want to go stay at his dads this weekend as he is "being a dick" about his bed. Apparently he only has a single bed and will not buy him a double despite finding the single uncomfortable as he is 6ft3.

I asked DS to find a decent priced bed he likes so it would make talking to his dad about it easier. He found a bed similar to what he has here for £99. I phoned up XH and told him what DS had said and offered to give some of (or all) the money towards a new bed. Nope, he says that isn't happening. His reason for not getting a new bed isn't because he doesn't have the money for it but because him having a single bed stops his girlfriend from sleeping over.

Surely people can't actually think that? When his girlfriend first started staying a few months back DS only had a single for the first few weeks so they grabbed all the spare blankets and pillows and just made a den for them to sleep in.

DS and his girlfriend are both very respectful so if XH said no to her staying over it wouldn't happen.

I just don't think DS being uncomfortable is okay just because XH doesn't want a girl over. AIBU to say it's fine for him to not staying over anymore even though it's going to piss XH and his family off?

Smrendell Thu 20-Oct-16 18:48:56

I'm sorry but I don't see it as something to get worked up about. Nor is it something you really need to be involved in. Your son is almost 17, he can talk to his dad himself.

Also offering to pay? Why couldn't your DS get a job and pay for it himself seeing as it's something that will benefit him and never you.

Trifleorbust Thu 20-Oct-16 18:51:03

Double beds are not longer than single beds hmm Also it is a bit coincidental that this is suddenly an issue when your DS (by the sounds of it) is trying to persuade your ex to let his gf stay. Sounds like your DS isn't telling you the whole story to me.

kilmuir Thu 20-Oct-16 18:51:04

Yes his dad should pay. He should want his son to be comfortable
People have sex wherever, don't think a single bed will stop them

Callmeacxntbut Thu 20-Oct-16 18:51:50

I'm not really worked up about it. Just a slightly annoyed that not being able to have a girlfriend stay,even though that wouldn't actually stop them and if he just told DS no that would be enough, means more than his sons comfort.

He does have a job but he is 16 and in college, surely you wouldn't expect him to buy his own bed when it's something he needs as his old one isn't suitable anymore?

Anything my son wants me to deal with is something to do with me and anything that will make him happier will benefit me.

Akire Thu 20-Oct-16 18:51:54

Surely it's up to his dad if he has girl friend to stay over in his house if he's 16 or 36.

melibu84 Thu 20-Oct-16 18:52:31

I think it's a bit silly not to get him a double bed BUT if he is only there at the weekends, is it that much of a big deal? Also, he's old enough to decide if he doesn't want to be there at the weekends. If it becomes a trend, maybe your XH will shell out for the bed.

LineyReborn Thu 20-Oct-16 18:52:48

It's fine for your DS not to stay over any more because he is 17 (nearly). But is that what he wants? And what you want?

ChinUpChestOut Thu 20-Oct-16 18:53:08

This is about more than just the bed. Initially when I read your thread I thought "oooh I can relate to that" as I have only just bought a double bed for my 6'1" 17 year old DS, who was previously curled into a single bed.

Your XH is being a knob. This is the difference between his DS getting a decent night's sleep, and not getting a decent night's sleep. The girlfriend issue is something else again. I would be telling your XH just that - and that if it means his DS no longer sleeps over at his house then he risks his relationship with him. At 16, your DS is more than capable of deciding whether he's going to visit his Dad, and if it's uncomfortable sleeping there and DS feels as though his feelings don't matter to his Dad, he won't be there too often. I'd be telling XH that, as well.

Grrrr.

Queenbean Thu 20-Oct-16 18:53:47

A double bed isn't longer than a single bed is it?

I find it really weird that people sleep in single beds until about aged 20, then they will sleep in double bed with another grown up in a bed that isn't twice the size of the single. So they have loads less room. IKEA King size all the way for me.

titchy Thu 20-Oct-16 18:53:53

Unless he's 6'3 wide I can't see why a single bed is outrageous. Doubles and singles are the Salam length.

If your ds wants to stop going round to his fathers that's entirely up to him. He doesn't need your permission either way.

It is a ridiculous thing to stop seeing his father about though and makes him sound like a bit of a brat.

PinkSwimGoggles Thu 20-Oct-16 18:54:03

a single bed is just fine!
if he has other reasons not to go that's a dufferent story.

Donthateprocreate Thu 20-Oct-16 18:54:38

Double beds are not longer than single beds

No and bed are longer than 6ft3 but a double bed will always be more comfortable for a taller person than a single. Does anyone actually sleep with there legs dead straight? Usually they have them bent some way or the other which would be harder for longer legged people in a single bed.

Of course his dad needs to her him a new bed.

ICuntSeeYourPoint Thu 20-Oct-16 18:56:27

It's up to his dad to decide what's suitable and what isn't and to provide it for him at his house. You get to make that judgment at your house. A double bed is no longer than a single bed. If his dad says no then the answer is no. It's not good for you to be suggesting to your son that his dad is in the wrong and that you have the right to be telling him how to parent. YABU.

Callmeacxntbut Thu 20-Oct-16 18:56:53

He is more than capable of deciding not to stay anymore but he didn't want to upset his dad so asked me to talk to him.

Sirzy Thu 20-Oct-16 18:57:08

As others have said I can't see the problem with a single bed, and I can't see the problem with him buying his own if it is that important to him.

Callmeacxntbut Thu 20-Oct-16 18:57:47

I've not said his dad is in the room, despite me not agreeing I said to DS that his dad doesn't want to get him a double and told him the reason and said I couldn't change that as it's not my home.

Coconutty Thu 20-Oct-16 18:57:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Callmeacxntbut Thu 20-Oct-16 18:57:54

*wrong

DameXanaduBramble Thu 20-Oct-16 18:58:10

For one night I'd say it's fine...any longer and it's not. I know, I have one of those sons, he needs his space to be comfortable, has a king size bed, he needs to stretch out.

zzzzz Thu 20-Oct-16 18:58:14

I think your son is being ridiculous. Of course he can sleep in a single bed, unless he has grown another body to accommodate. How do you imagine men in the forces sleep???confused. Are you thinking they provide doubles for them allgrin. What about boarding schools?
You're being sucked in to a nonsense. He can sleep in a single bed and your X can have who he likes as overnight guests.

TheFairyCaravan Thu 20-Oct-16 18:58:14

19yo 6'3 DS2 managed in a single bed in uni halls all last year.

6'4 DH managed in a single bed in the barrack blocks in the RAF for years.

Double beds and single beds are both 6'3 in length. I, do agree with trifle it's a huge coincidence that his bed is now uncomfortable at the same time as he wants his GF to stay.

Trifleorbust Thu 20-Oct-16 18:58:15

I think it's up to his dad. Yes, a single might be a little cramped but it is still what you will find in many student rooms, on sleeper trains, if you join the armed forces, etc. Not unsuitable at all, just not super comfy. Dad's decision.

Sirzy Thu 20-Oct-16 18:58:24

And at nearly 17 why isn't he sorting it himself?

thecapitalsunited Thu 20-Oct-16 18:58:31

Would his dad compromise with a long single? I'm not surprised a single is uncomfortable given it's 3" shorter than your DS so he must hang off the bottom.

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