DS has to move Nursery

(22 Posts)
AsthmaAndAutism Thu 20-Oct-16 17:16:03

My poor DS is 2.8 and is on the pathway for an Autism Diagnosis. I've previously praised his wonderful nursery, but now I've been left feeling so devastated.
He had a wonderful key worker who has now gone on maternity leave, his new one just hasn't bonded with him and prefers to 'let him play by himself and get on with it' (quite literally a quote)

Sadly, his previous key worker acted like his 1-1, and now due to nursery expansion, the ratio is at 1-4 and they just can't cope without a designated member of staff for him. They do all the messy play activities in the afternoon, often uploading photos to their Facebook page a few hours after DS gets home from his morning session. He basically just goes there and plays alone in the sandbox or with the bricks for a few mornings a week. They seem to have given up trying to include him in structured activities.
The reason they can't have the funding for 1-1 is that the nursery is across border in a different borough to where we actually live, although it's only five minutes away! So both councils have refused funding unless we either move home, or move nursery.

We have a new nursery for him, who will be able to provide what he needs. I just feel so let down by his current one, I feel like they just stopped trying and stopped including him in anything. My heart breaks thinking he might have this his whole academic life. He's so bright and so intelligent, and he really did improve when he started there, but now they just can't wait to be rid of him.

I asked them write down what he'd been like that day so we could show his Paediatrician where he was struggling (ie: meltdowns at different sensory things etc) and I'll attach photos of what was handed to me at pickup. I was so embarrassed by it. Is this really where I've chosen to send my son? A place that was so fantastic, turned so quickly the moment his key worked left sad

AIBU in my feelings? How would you feel if you were handed this by your DC's nursery/school? (Blurred his name out, and yes, that was the exact condition of it)

BarbarianMum Thu 20-Oct-16 17:22:06

I'm sorry you feel so let down by the nursery. Why are you embarrassed by the notes?

AliceInUnderpants Thu 20-Oct-16 17:22:24

Can you express exactly what you were hoping for from them in this note? Did you tell them exactly that?
I think it makes it quite clear which activities and experiences he enjoyed and which he struggled with and how he reacted.

BestZebbie Thu 20-Oct-16 17:22:54

You've missed one instance of a name on page two.
It wouldn't bother me that it is handwritten on red paper - that is what they have to hand in the room. The general writing is similar to what we get from nursery in a little notebook (though obviously we don't get a min-by-min account). I think that they have done what you asked.
Or is the problem the content of his day? Surely you want to know how many times he lies on his face etc, that is the point of keeping the record?

cestlavielife Thu 20-Oct-16 17:23:16

Well you moving him so don't fret.
But it looks from what I can see like a true record some negative some good he was happy he built a tower etc.
I can't see the issue really

You moving him to somewhere which will meet hus needs better
Focus on this and next six months you can't plan too far ahead you don't know how he will be at four or fourteen.
With right support you may see big improvement.
Also.working on communication with him so he can express himself

Gobbolinothewitchscat Thu 20-Oct-16 17:25:57

I'm sorry your upset. flowers

FWIW, I think the notes will actually be helpful to the paed and ultimately to you and your DS in helping you with an appropriate diagnosis. They are very clear and set out what the activities were and how your DS interacted/reacted.

cestlavielife Thu 20-Oct-16 17:28:06

And it is actually really good they take time to record this data ..the new nursery should also do this for first few weeks then review or look at strategies for addressing behaviours that are disruptive.
The first rule for addressing behaviours ia data and a bc charts

AsthmaAndAutism Thu 20-Oct-16 17:34:49

I'll be honest, one of my irks with the note was the spelling mistakes. I know how ridiculous that is.
I just felt a bit taken aback by some of what was written, and given how small the room is and on that particular day the staff to child ratio was higher than usual as some children were out, I got a bit hmm at how he managed to be on top of a bookcase.
I can't explain the feeling, I feel like they just gave him on him.
DS is easily entertained and will try and play with/alongside others, but they don't seem to engage him with any of his interests such as Numbers/Letters/Colours/Shapes/Fruit.
I'm probably just finding his inevitable diagnosis hard, it can be difficult seeing all the children's art work displayed, and nothing from DS as they don't do messy play or anything like that whilst he's there. He's only brought something home once, and he's been there for 9 months.

Thinkingblonde Thu 20-Oct-16 17:35:59

Perhaps the move is what he needs. I don't think they have written him off, they just don't have the means or the training to provide him with 1 - 1 care. My nephew has autism, he has sensory issues, hates loud noises, crowds of people worry him. He's 12 now and In a mainstream secondary school that has facilities for him and others like him. He's doing so well, in fact he's just been made a prefect. For the first time ever he allowed his parents, brother and nana to attend his award ceremony, they used to have sneak in and hide behind a curtain or else he'd have a meltdown prior to this. They had to promise not to look at him or move a muscle but at least they could sit on chairs with the rest of the parents.

BarbarianMum Thu 20-Oct-16 17:42:44

No actually I can understand the spelling mistakes irking you, I was worried that you were embarrassed by what they were saying about your ds (and I'm really glad that wasn't it, neither he nor you have anything to be embarrassed about).

I was chair of a pre-school for a while. Many of our staff were excellent with children and knowledgable about child development but not highly academic so the spelling doesn't surprise me and wouldn't worry me (the leaving him to his own devices would worry me but you are moving him anyway). Also, in their defense, they will mostly be setting up activities and engaging with the children and taking notes simultaneously is very difficult.

I hope that his new setting is better with and for him. Certainly I'd hope most would be flowers.

AliceInUnderpants Thu 20-Oct-16 17:44:03

I think the account of his day makes things clear that he struggles with unstructured activities, and lack of supervision. If it's a 1-1 you are hoping for, this is a positive account.

Thinkingblonde Thu 20-Oct-16 17:44:26

He is still very young, your little boy. A lot of what has been written sounds like what you'd expect for his age. To be able to play with a toy for fifteen minutes at his age is pretty good going. Observe a group of kids at this age around a table and you'll see that most of them are not actually engaging with each other, they do their own thing.

Boysnme Thu 20-Oct-16 17:57:23

It used to drive me nuts to have spelling mistakes in things that came back from the nursery but I used to remind myself that they are not teachers and it didn't really matter. I would take what they have given you and use it with the paediatrician to learn from it. I'd then move forward with the new nursery.

Themirrorcracked Thu 20-Oct-16 18:55:01

What is it that worries you about him/ his behaviour OP? This sounds exactly how my NT 2 year old box would behave in the same situation.

If he is happy to play by himself is that a bad thing? It's normal for 2 year olds to do their own thing, they aren't very cooperative!

Msqueen33 Thu 20-Oct-16 18:57:50

My dd is three and a half and has autism and we moved her. Her nursery made one small issue into a safeguarding issue (she took her trousers off once as she was potty training) I was told by the manager if she did it again she couldn't stay there. That sealed it for me. She's now at a different nursery and they are brilliant with her. They accept she has meltdowns and don't let it phase them and use visuals.

insancerre Thu 20-Oct-16 19:04:03

The funding for 1-1 just isn't there, not even for diagnosised children, let alone those who haven't had a diagnosis yet

hotdiggedy Thu 20-Oct-16 19:04:23

Maybe you want him to have a 1-1 all the time and it isn't possible as the key worker has other children to think of too. I'm sure it takes a child seconds to scale a bookshelf. Nursery workers are often paid very poorly and so you are unlikely to find highcalibre people with perfect grammar working in such places. How did the last keyworker give her other children attention if she was so devoted to your son?

KittyandTeal Thu 20-Oct-16 19:06:42

I teach reception. I have taught a few children with asd and had communication books with most of their parents.

There is absolutely no way I would, or would allow any other adult, to return a communication book like that. Utterly appalling. So much negativity. No wonder you feel let down by then.

There is always something positive a child has done, every.single.day. That is all about what he didn't/can't do rather than what he can.

A move, although it'll be tough, sounds like the best option tbh.

AsthmaAndAutism Thu 20-Oct-16 19:18:54

Cracked - I'm not worried about his behaviour whilst he's there, I'm worried that they don't make an effort to include him in group activities. They don't seem to give him the chance, as they carry out all the art/group stuff when he's not there sad

As I said in OP, nursery has expanded, so the ratio of child to key worker went up, which is why they're finding it more difficult. They were banking on getting 1-1 funding, and because of silly boundaries, Councils aren't co-operating with one another. It seems so bizarre, but I do understand I guess.

Insancerre - The funding is there actually, our council is willing to fund a 1-1 so long as he's in a nursery within their borough. Just didn't occur to us at the time of application that it'd be a problem, as nursery is 5 minutes up the road, didn't even realise it was a different borough!

AsthmaAndAutism Thu 20-Oct-16 19:25:02

Insancerre - Also, I know funding for SEN children is bad, but don't dismiss children who don't have an official diagnosis yet? We've been going to Paed Appointments since DS was 16 month old, I am yet to meet a health official who hasn't agreed with us about him having Autism. He's had genetic testing, we're just waiting on those results and a written report from Speech and Language Therapist. His paediatrician thinks with these, a diagnosis is possible within 6 months, which will be fantastic for him, as it'll help get things in place before he starts school.

hazeyjane Thu 20-Oct-16 19:44:36

The funding for 1-1 just isn't there, not even for diagnosised children, let alone those who haven't had a diagnosis yet

My ds is undiagnosed and had a funded 1-1 and now he is at school, an EHCP. Support should be based on need, not diagnosis.

I am a 1-1 in a preschool and I would be embarrassed to send home a communication like that, it isn't a very full observation and i agree it shows a lack of engagement from adults. The thing about only having messy play in the afternoon sounds a bit rubbish too.

I hope your ds finds a good setting and gets good 1-1 support in the future.

BestZebbie Thu 20-Oct-16 20:51:11

Does he have to go to the morning sessions because of your working hours, or could you switch him to mostly or some afternoons so that he gets to attend the messy play/craft parts?

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