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To ask you to make me feel better

(10 Posts)
Mollymoo78 Thu 20-Oct-16 16:31:59

Dd (4) has just started her new school and tonight they had an after school event that you had to prebook. I asked dd repeatedly if she wanted to go to it and she was adamant she didn't. Anyway I picked her up at the usual time today and she was brought out on her own. She was literally the only child who hadn't gone to it. She seemed OK about it but burst into tears when she got home because all her friends had gone and she hadn't. I feel utterly sick - I should have foreseen this and now she's upset. I knew a few were going but not the whole class. Feel like the word mum in the world now sad

Mollymoo78 Thu 20-Oct-16 16:32:30

Worst not word!

herbwife Thu 20-Oct-16 16:47:34

I get that you feel terrible, but it isn't your fault. You asked (repeatedly) and she kept saying "no".
If she feels like she's missed out that's down to her.

Mollymoo78 Thu 20-Oct-16 16:54:16

I genuinely didn't realise it was that big a deal, I kind of assumed not everyone went but apparently they do!

JustSpeakSense Thu 20-Oct-16 17:02:43

Please don't feel bad, in the scheme of things this is not important and will not be remembered by her.

You and your DD will learn from this (that sometimes she might change her mind about attending something, or perhaps a quick word with her teacher to check how many are attending before she makes up her mind)

Just distract her tonight, maybe a treat or special activity to take her mind off things, and remind her that she might hear them discussing it tomorrow, but to remember there is always the next time to get involved.

As parents we feel guilty about everything, but give yourself a break every single one of us feel like this sometimes when we 'drop the ball' flowers

JustSpeakSense Thu 20-Oct-16 17:05:15

Just reread my post and I didn't mean you had done anything wrong. You asked her, she said no (perhaps wrongly though as she now wished she'd said yes) I think she's learnt a valuable lesson and I'm sure you'll guide her choices better in the future if you feel like she's missing out.

Mollymoo78 Thu 20-Oct-16 17:07:55

Thanks that's very kind. I think she literally only wanted to go when she realised everyone else was going, not because she was interested in it. Very good advice thank you for taking the time to reply.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 20-Oct-16 17:51:00

Oh gosh, that happens. I could see this happening with me/mine also. Just give her a hug and tell her, "Next time, we'll find out who else is going and we'll decide then, yes?". You couldn't have known this would work out the way it did.

Agree with JustSpeakSense, tonight is the time for a bit of treat, spending some nice time with you doing/watching something you both enjoy. It won't be remembered other than that your daughter will check with the teacher beforehand next time - and perhaps you'll remind her to check with 'Remember last time and we don't want it to happen again".

RubyRoseViolet Thu 20-Oct-16 18:14:20

Don't worry! Honestly, these things happen. She will remember it next time and probably be all the more keen to join in with things that she might otherwise have avoided. I know it hurts to see them upset but she will be fine.

Mollymoo78 Thu 20-Oct-16 22:48:06

Thanks all xx

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