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To discourage potential friendships?

(5 Posts)
ArriettyMatilda Thu 20-Oct-16 15:52:56

I struggle a bit in social situations- I was always considered shy at school and I take a while to get to know people and show them my true self and even then an edited version I do enjoy meeting with friends but at the same time I find it draining.

I've got a handful of friends from school and a couple from uni, who I visit and text despite not living nearby. As we moved areas when I was pregnant I didn't know anyone and so went to lots of baby groups. I now have lots of people I could call upon for a meet up with the children and a handful who I'm a bit closer to. Also some acquaintances who in my mind we only see regularly due to convenience (go to the same group each week). I honestly feel like I have enough social interaction and that I can't cope with anymore. When doing the nursery school run and going to some new toddler groups I obviously am drawn into chatting with others, and then some seem keen to meet up outside of the group or keep in touch. I also keep bumping into people who we used to see a lot (due to the aforementioned convenience) and who every time suggest we should meet more often. I don't want to be rude and decline but I'm really not sure how to manage this. I already feel that I am at my limit with friendships. Does anyone even know what I mean?

I do feel lucky to have so many lovely people where I live and I do enjoy the few friendships I do have. I just can't see how I'd cope with more given that it drains me to be in social situations and I find it hard work to keep in contact with my current circle as it is. Aibu to feel this way?

Thetruthfairy Thu 20-Oct-16 17:42:44

Regard it as a nice problem to have op :-)
I do know what you mean though. I don't go to baby groups as I have lots of mum friends already. I limit myself to two, maximum three mummy meet ups per week, the rest of the time is for me and dc's.
Work out what interaction you would like and stick to that. Polite excuses will do with those wanting to be friends with you. They will soon leave you alone. Xx

ArriettyMatilda Thu 20-Oct-16 21:38:31

Thank you Thetruthfairy I was starting to feel very alone in the way I feel. I do need to get out to the groups as I need motivation to get out of the house. I get too annoyed staying at home all day. The groups help keep me sane, but that coupled with the few friends I have is plenty!

I'm probably overthinking it, I'm just worried that the other parent is lonely and needing a friend and then I feel guilty for not being more willing to meet up. I hope they find someone who is more able to cope with a social life.

Bostin Thu 20-Oct-16 21:42:30

Bear in mind that you may not necessarily find you have so much in common with baby group friends as your children grow older. They may go to different schools, leave town or start to get on your nerves. Don't feel you have to accept every invitation going but I would keep an open mind towards new friendships.

Nanny0gg Thu 20-Oct-16 22:52:30

I'm just worried that the other parent is lonely and needing a friend

So if she is, can you not be kind and at least include her in groups so you don't have to have a one-to-one? You are fortunate that you can pick and choose, and no, you don't have to be friends with everyone/anyone. But - it's horrible when you are on your own and you see everyone else around apparently with buddies and you feel left out.

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