To leave my husband??(4 Posts)
I feel like I'm hanging at the edge of a precipice and can't decide whether to pull back or throw us all off!
DH and I have been together 7.5 years, married for 2, and have a DD (6). I'd just got out of a long term and abusive relationship when we met and he was kind and nice to me so, although I didn't really see that we were a good fit long term, after the twenty millionth time he asked me out, I figured "why not??" - after all, look where following passion and 'love' had gotten me!! It went along fine but, after the initial shine wore off, I found out a lot about him I didn't like (and vice versa I think too probably!) He was a very prolific liar (almost compulsive), I found he had an over inflated ego, pretty immature, loads of debt issues trying to be flash, etc, etc. So I was about to end it a year in (but was thinking it was complicated as we were renting together at the time - HA!) but then found out I was pregnant.... long story short, I didn't leave him.
We decided to give it a try - he was an unsupportive arse during the pregnancy and when DD was a baby, but has actually turned out to be a great dad, adores our DD, has grown up a lot and sorted out his debt issues, etc.
I don't love him.
I don't think he loves me (he does say he does though)
We are essentially two people who share a mortgage and a daughter. I'm miserable. I want out.
But how do I do this to our DD? She would be devastated. Kids from divorced home statistics scare me. I could afford to take over our mortgage (I am main breadwinner, we just bought it a few months back and deposit was all my savings) but money would be tight, childcare would be complicated (we both work full time) and life would be hard, im sure.
Do I suck it up? Is the alternative worse? Am I just taking my life for granted and will hate myself for throwing it away??
God, I don't know.
Do I jump, or do I stay
It won't be any easier ten years, fifteen years. Leave and get the painful bit over. Your dd will be fine if you handle this sensibly - if he's a good dad as you say, he'll do right by her.
Im fairly sure your daughter wouldnt want to be the reason her larents were stuck together miserably.
Divorce itself isnt what harms children so much as when the parents cant or wont put the child above their feelings about each other.
Would you want your daughter to stay in an unhappy marriage with a man she didnt love? What would you want for her?
You (and your husband) deserve nothing less.
I know it's scary but talk to him. If possible.
You may wish to have this moved to relationships where you will get some great advice.
Your daughter will be fine. Much better to come from seperated parents who are happy apart than two people staying together in misery for the sake of children
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